First Day Back......to Work

I have been thinking about this day for the last week or so. How would I feel. What I was going to be doing. What I was gonna wear. Cause you know I had to be cute and all...lol..

Well today was the day. I got up extra early so I can get ready and get the kids ready before I had to leave. I got to work at 8:20, I was kinda nervous, cause I have been on leave for 6 months. (but I was looking cute) I go to my desk and sit my stuff down. My supervisor told me to set up my stuff and log on my computer. My desk was soooo dusty, I snapped at my neighbor Tim asking him why he hadn't dusted off my desk for me, and of course he had something smart to say.

After I got my desk all clean again, and set up a few things to make it look like somebodies work station. I then proceeded to log on to my computer, I knew my passwords had expired and I would be on the phone with the Tech's all day. So I put in my log in and hit enter, I got a message that said "your acct has been deactivated, please contact the site admin" . So I did, they told me that, I need to have my supervisor fill our and Imac ticket, because my acct has been deleted. I asked why, they told me if you don't log in for 4 months they delete your acct.

So my Supervisor spoke with the Admin Asst. and she said she would submit the ticket and it will take 1-2 days to get my acct back active. So I may not be able to log in until Thurs. and I know I will be on the phone all day. Because that log in will only get me onto the computer, and after that I have about 7 or more systems that I have to get passwords for.

Well all day today, I was sitting with my co-worker Ms. Rachel, going over all the stuff that has changed in the last six months. And it has been a lot. I feel like I need to go back to training, and I'm pretty sure I will be...

But I am looking forward to day 2

My Break

I just want to say to all my readers, I have not forgotten about my blog, I was just taking a break. I hope you have not given up on me, cause I'm back. I may not post everyday but I will start back posting...

Thank you for reading..

Smooches!

Halloween 2009

My daughter celebrated Halloween for 3 nights... She attended a party on 10/28, they had a party at school on 10/30 and of course trick or treating Halloween night...Her costume this year was Ariel the little mermaid, me I was an dark fairy...and Daddy, he was a gremlin. We had fun this year, especially because Daddy is usually working on Halloween, but he had it off this year and we went trick or treating as a family...

Here are some pics...

I don't have any body shots of me and the hubs...

My husband's job..

For those of you who know me, you know that my husband is an Correction Officer. He has been in this line of work for a long time now.

When he first started years ago, he worked in the Prison with the harden criminals, now he did this for a couple of years. I used to be so worried about him. I mean anything could have happened. I don't think people realize how dangerous this kind of job is. Do you know the Corrections officers are only in charge because the inmates allow them to be. Think about how many inmates there are to the amount of officers there are. (like how many students are in a school compared to how many teachers there are.) So with that said anything could happen, a riot, a deadly fight, he could be jumped, or even tortured. And what's really scary most of the people in the prison have nothing to loose, because they are doing so much time, or maybe even life. Thank God none of this has ever happened to him.

Now he works at the County jail, and I don't know if this is better or worst then the prison. Because a lot of these people are petty criminals, crack heads, and young and dumb. So they just don't care about getting into more trouble. Sometimes he even has to fight with these fools. He has had some minor injuries but nothing serious Thank God! So as a his wife, I worry about him. You can't even imagine some of the thoughts that go thru my head. Or how I get restless if he doesn't call me from work. And please don't let him make it home late, and not call OMG I straight have a panic attack.

So as you can see, it is a blessing that he hasn't had any major issues in this line of work. And I thank God for keeping him safe, and keeping me sane.

I Pray for him everyday he goes to work. and thank God every single time he walks thru the door...

Back to Work .....Dec 1st??

I went to my job the other day to talk to my supervisor. I was letting him know that I was coming back to work on Nov. 16. I was all excited and thangs, then he tells me he got an email stating that I was not returning to work until Dec 1. I was like are you sure, and he printed out the email, and sure as shit it said my long term disability has been approved until Nov 30. DAMN!!

Well it's not all bad, I was actually thinking about staying out the whole month of Nov. because of various reasons...

1. My skin is starting to peel where the radiation was at. and it;s peeling bad, all under my arm is raw and red, and there is some puss...and the nurse said it will take a few weeks to clear up..

2. My daughter and niece are out of school the whole week of Thanksgiving, and they would have to be at daycare all week. Not that they are to good to go, because they will be going when I do go back to work, but to start out going all week all day...I don't know ...

and

3. I wanted the day after Thanksgiving off to go shopping...lol

So it worked out just fine, I will be off until Dec. 1...

No More Radiation....

Yesterday (10/28/09) was my last day for my radiation treatments...Hallelujah!! Thank You JESUS....

It feels so good not to have to go in there everyday. It's not like it was painful, just tiresome. I'm glad it over but also blessed that it helped me...

3 more Radiation Treatments...

Whew I will be done with my Radiation treatments on Wed, Nov. 28, 2009...Hallelujah!

I'm so glad, it's not that it hurt, the actual treatment doesn't hurt at all..it's like having an x-ray done. Matter of fact sometimes they give me an x-ray with the same machine...but what I'm tired of is, I have been going every day Mon-Fri at 9:45 for 6 weeks now..it's just tiring...

Also my skin...whew where do I start...my skin is charred, literally, the whole left side of my chest wall and under my arm (my armpit) just charred especially my arm pit..I was going to post a pic for you to see, but my husband has mixed feelings about it, because even though I don't have breast, it's still an intimate part of me, so I will respect his wishes and not post them...

OK so they told me it would burn over time...they said it would be kinda like a sun burn, but I've never been sun burned...so I really didn't know what to expect, but I didn't expect this, and on top of the charred skin, it's starting to peel, and the skin that is peeling off is all soft and gooey..and just black...

But all and all I'm an truly blessed to be able to share my story with people. I could have been dead, like many others before me and there will be many after me who has/or will have this deadly disease...

So even though I complain I thank God everyday for his Grace and Mercy....

Remember please do your self exams, not because it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month, do it because it can save your life...

Talk about Breast Cancer and Raise Awareness..

www.thebreastcancersite.com
please visit and click the pink button to fund free mammograms to women in need.

www.cancer.org
http://ww5.komen.org/

the Praise Concert

Yesterday 10/23/09, I went to a Praise Concert, with a couple of friends. And when I tell you I got my praise and worship on...I sure mean it...

I really enjoyed the show. All the Gospel groups that performed were really good. Even my church choir (Shiloh Missionary Baptist Church) performed, and let me tell you that they showed out, matter fact that is an understatement, they shut it down...They should have closed the show...

Any ways it was very nice, people Praising God and Testifying...What a Glorious Event...I'm so glad I went....

Thanks Ms. B for getting my ticket...smooches!

WOW Facebook Drama..

First of all I try to live a drama free life...I don't like drama, I don't handle it well..I have a low tolerance for Bullshit...point blank...

So the other day...well it's been about a week or so...my niece blocked me off her facebook page...because I don't agree with her decision to get married in July 2010, when her divorce from the first marriage won't be over until April 2010. So of course I'm the hater, and I need to mind my own business...and maybe I do..but that's just plain dumb...

A lot of things has been said, some by me and a lot by her..lol..anyways we are no longer facebook friends, nor are we speaking, not because of me, but because of her...I was upset but not for long, cause I'm way to cute to hold grudges against anyone...

And then there are just unresolved issues in the family period...I need to go to counseling for real no joke...I swear I was adopted..but that's a whole nother story...

So what I've decided to do it just leave her alone, along with some other people in the family, her mom to be specific..I have various reasons why, not only for the facebook thing, but I've been lied on, talked about in a bad way...and like I said earlier some other family issues...

I love my family, I promise I do, but it's better for me and my sanity to just let them be ....so I'm giving this situation to GOD and I'm gonna try not to take it back, cause honestly at the moment I could smack the shit out of both of them...

My hair is growing back.

Well it's been growing back for a while now. I don't even know why it's taken me so long to blog about it. Especially since I'm so excited. Those who know me, knows that I didn't wear my wig all the time, but when my hair first started growing back. I had no choice, because I looked like a baby chicken (so not funny)..and it seemed to stay in that baby chicken stage for a while.

Now it grown out a little more, it kinda looks like a fade, and I'm cool with that, because the wig can get HOT. But what I'm most excited about is the texture of it. It's so soft, not as soft as baby hair, but soft enough. I'm hoping I get blessed with natural curls this time around.

But not matter what texture it ends up being, I've decided to go all natural. No more relaxers for me, if it gets nappy I will just dread it..

Big ups to all my natural sista's out there...and to every one else as well

smooches

The haunted house..

Well the it's Monday Morning and I can't sleep. The weekend went pretty well..My husband was off most of the weekend, so that's good.

And on Saturday, we went to the haunted house, and OMG it was well worth the 7 dollars. But when we got there the line was so long, and it was cold we almost turned around. But we didn't and we ended up staying in line for about an hour. While we were in line we had a couple of laughs, there were monsters walking around scaring people. Which was too funny. I mean I even got scared one time...but he snuck up on me..that's my story and a I'm sticking with it.

Now once in the haunted house, I got instantly scared before we even got all the way in. And I kept saying as long as they don't touch me then I'm good. And even though they didn't touch me, I was still scared as hell...

I'm so glad we decided to go, we haven't did that in a long time...Hopefully we can get a sitter and go out on Halloween...

Health Care...BS

Somebody explain to me...If I pay my monthly insurance premium, why in the hell do I still have hospital bills. This bullshit...I wish I didn't even have to get sick, not because of obvious reasons but because of the financial part. I just don't get it how do I owe this much on top of my premium. I see why people hold off going to the doctor. Hell if I could have found a home remedy for Breast Cancer I would have worked this out my damn self.

I'm so tired of these damn people calling me, saying I owe this and owe that. I keep telling them I will pay yall when I go back to work. It's not like yall don't know what my situation is. All you have to do is look over my records DUH.....

He is....

My husband....

He is the best husband I could have ever ask God for.

His love is so amazing, He is amazing, I love him so much.

He writes me such beautiful poetry (sometimes erotic) but still beautiful. He knows how to make me smile even when I don't want to. He makes me feel beautiful even without my hair or my breast. I feel safe and secure when I'm with him. I know I can count on him without a doubt. He is just wonderful, not only as husband, but as a Dad too. He makes me so happy.

I just want to say Thank to him for being so supportive and understanding. Thank you for listening when I've needed to talk. Thank for letting me cry on your shoulder. Just Thank You for being you....

I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I thank God for him everyday...

The Field Trip

On Monday, I went on a Field trip with my daughter's 1st grade class, to the Fire Station and Mc Donalds.

At the fire station, they were well behaved, and asked really good questions to the firemen. They also sat really quiet and watched the video. Then we were off the Mc Donald's. The class walked to McDonald's since it was down the street. I drove because I came late due to my radiation treatment.

Now at McDonald's the kids were ok. LOUD but ok. Nobody got in trouble. They were not running around like wild animals or nothing. The funny thing was, this guy was in Mc Donalds reading his paper, when the kids came in he packed up and left. Also a couple of people turned around at the door...lol

But I really enjoyed myself, since I can't remember the last time I did this. I will have to do this again.

Winter Time?

On Monday Oct 12, 2009...we here in Minnesota woke up to SNOW! Yeah that's right snow...how messed up is that, I mean what in the hell happened to fall. I really like fall, it's one of the best times of the year. But oh no Minnesota just skipped right past it. Does Mother Nature realize it's not even Halloween yet. Maybe we will get a warm front before to long. I know I'm not ready for this kind of weather, I still need want to get a new coat. I need, yes need a remote starter. I don't know how I even made it this long without one. At least the baby is ready for winter, hell with all the stuff she has, she's ready for anything.

Me....HERO?

Well I'm pretty open about my Breast Cancer, and I will share my journey with anybody who will listen. I don't do it to get praise, or to get sympathy, I do it because it's therapy for me, and it may help, or encourage somebody else. I blog about it, I post it on face book, speak about it when I'm out...just open.

Now I don't want people to think that I'm never scared. Because I was and still am a little bit. but I refuse to let this get me down in a funk, and/or be depressed about it. That won't change my situation AT all. Plus, I'm blessed, fabulous, highly favored and always fighting. I'm no HERO, nor am I trying to be. I just want to raise awareness.

Women and men need to know it could happen to them, because before this happened to me. Breast Cancer was the furthest thing from my mind. I mean my maternal Aunt died of breast cancer about 13 or so years ago. But nobody really talked about it, or took the time to educate themselves on how it could or would effect our family. Actually I'm the only other person in our family who has had it. So this time, I am making sure I educate those I love, and even people I don't even know. I want people to realize this can happen to them, no matter the age.

Your doctor won't even give you a mammogram until you are 40. Which I don't understand because you are at risk for breast cancer as early as age 15. and ALL WOMEN ARE AT RISK period. And some men. So if you are at risk by age 15 why can't we get mammograms until we are 40. So now that you know this, please do your self exams at least 1 a month or more frequently. And if you feel a lump or think you feel a lump please go get it checked. And even if you never get Breast Cancer you still should educate yourself, because someone you know and or love may get it, and it will still effect you.....

Remember October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month...Talk about it and Raise Awareness

My name is Tamiko Edwards
and I'm A Breast Cancer Survivor
not a Hero...but thank you...



www.thebreastcancersite.com
http://ww5.komen.org/

Ready to for Work...

I am so ready to go back to work. I am so bored out my mind. I have been off work since April, and man when I tell you it's really taking a toll on me. WHEW!!! I mean maybe if I had a hobby or something, it wouldn't be as bad. Maybe if the baby wasn't school age it wouldn't be as bad. I can say the good part about it, is that my husband works second shift, so he's home in the mornings. And I get to spend time with him. That is one thing I'm gonna miss when I do start work, spending time with him is priceless. I also get to spend time at my daughter's school. I know I am gonna miss those crumb snatchers when I go back to work.


The expected return date is Nov. 16, 2009. but before I go back to work, there are some things that need to be done. I will be done with Radiation therapy on Oct. 30,2009 (hold the applause..lol). I need to follow up with the daycare, so she can be ready for the girls, after school. and I also need to get some work clothes, because I've lost about 30lbs, during this whole cancer ordeal. So I have about a month or so to get these things done. I'm not worried though, I'm a fighter, and plus I don't have much else to do.

Can anybody get a show...

Can anybody get show these days....

Tyra banks has one, even Mo'nique has one, My husband told me the other night even Brian McKnight has one...yes Brian McKnight. So now I'm wondering how I get on the ban wagon. What's the Criteria, cause if Sherry Shepard can be on the view, trust me I can be on or have one too. I mean have you seen the Wendy Williams show, shall I ask again what is criteria for real. In a minute the only thing that is going to be on TV is Talk show's, reality TV, Judge Shows and Maury Polvich..(don't act like you don't watch you are not the father)...

And as for Reality shows, just because you are famous doesn't mean we want to see into your life, ie Keisha Cole and her ghetto ass family (Frankie and Neffie), Tiny and Tina...for real why? And don't for get Bobby Brown and Whitney, what a mockery...Didn't Brandi have one and what about her brother...Ray J come on now...you get the pic....its this really what TV is coming too...

I'm not saying I don't watch Reality TV, because I do but hell there isn't anything else on TV...

My daughter's Class

Since I've been off work, I've been going to the school and helping out in my daughter's class. She's in the first grade, and these kids are....well let me say interesting. And teachers are very wonderful people and they should get paid much, much more. Not only are they really patient, but they are basically shaping our kids and their future. I know I couldn't do what they do.

So I'm at the school and the kids are not really bad, they are just busy, very busy, especially at this age. I told them they could call me Ms. Tamiko, and I swear every time I go there, this little boy named Ethan says "Hey Lady, what's your name" or "Hey lady is your name Ms. Tamiko" and I know he remembers he's 6. Then there's Katie, she is so loud, all the time. My daughter is always calling me asking me to help her, like I'm the teacher.

On this one day they were writing and coloring in there Journal. When they get finished they had to put the Journals on the shelf behind me. So because the shelf was behind me they started to show me their journals before putting them on the shelf. They had only written on 3 pages so it was cool. It was going well, I was looking at the journals and saying, oh how cute, or this is beautiful you know things of that nature. Then here comes Luke, he colored one of his pages green, and I had on a green shirt, so I said this is the same color that I have on. He said "I didn't know I was coloring you"...lol

I am going to miss them when I go back to work in Nov. but until then I will enjoy the little people..

October is Breast Cancer Awarness Month.

Well I want to start by saying Big Ups to the NFL for Thinking PINK!

OK...

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

I would like every to make sure they are doing their self breast exams, and or scheduling a mammogram. If you don't know how to do a self breast exams there are websites to help you. Just put SELF BREAST EXAM in google and sites will appear. You should be doing them at least weekly to be on the safe side. Yes weekly.

Here are a couple of Facts, I got off www.thebreastcancersite.com

The National Breast Cancer Foundation estimates that each year, over 200,000 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer and over 40,000 die. One woman in eight either has or will develop breast cancer in her lifetime. Approximately 1,700 men will be diagnosed with breast cancer and 450 will die each year.

If detected early, the five-year survival rate for breast cancer exceeds 96%. Mammograms are among the best early detection methods, yet 13 million U.S. women 40 years of age or older have never had a mammogram.

The National Cancer Institute and U.S. Department of Health and Human Services recommend that women in their forties and older have mammograms every one to two years. A complete early detection plan also includes regular clinical breast examinations by a trained medical professional. Monthly breast self-exams are suggested in addition.


Also when you have time go to www.thebreastcancersite.com and click the pink button to help fund women in need, it doesn't cost anything, how about click a couple of times...

Miko


Talk about Breast Cancer and Raise Awareness....

Radiation # 12

I'm on my 3rd week of Radiation, and it 's going well. I can tell you it's nothing like Chemo, Thank Jesus! Thank Jesus! Thank Jesus! All is going so well. I will just be glad when it's over. I still have until the end of Oct. to go. I'm trying to stay positive. Sometimes it gets hard, even though radiation is painless. I still get tired of going every day, Monday thru Friday. I get there at 9:45 and I'm back in my car by 10:00.

But the good thing is since I'm not going back to work until the middle of Nov. I get to hang out at my daughter's school. I didn't get to do that much last year, or the year before, because of my work schedule. And I'm going to miss it when I go back to work....

Prosthetics #3

Hey yall, I haven't posted in over a week and so much has happened. I don't even think I can remember.

but I will start with the Damn Prosthetics bitchLady, Nancy. Why did I have to snap out. UGGG, I'm trying to be more patient with people, but every once in a while I have to.......

Ok so last Thursday 9/24/29, I called her 3 times before I lost my temper, once in the morning, once early afternoon, and then again at about 4:30, and she never returned my call. Even though she was suppose to call me that Wed, to let me know if my stuff came in. And now that I think about it, Why doesn't she carry prosthetics for brown people, that proves that she don't deal with my kind anyways.

So by the last phone call I'm upset. I gave her until 4:55 to call me, cause her shop closes at 5:00. She didn't call so I call back at 4:55, and the secretary, receptionist, or who ever answers the phone picked up, she said that Nancy was on a call. I asked can I leave her a message. She answered Yes. I said you can tell Nancy that I will return the stuff she had given me, and I will be taking my business else where. Since she doesn't have enough time to return my call. The lady then says, well she has been pretty busy, I responded by saying she's on the phone now, and when I called earlier she was on the phone. She says I'm sorry you feel that way, and we do appreciate your business, and some more shit I can't remember. Then I got off the phone.

And Guess what, Ms. Nancy called me back then, but I couldn't get to the phone, but she left a voicemail stating, that she had to re order my stuff, and she apologized and said she would call me back the next morning. (bullshit) Cause it's Tuesday and I haven't heard from the trick. I called her again today to see what her excuse is or was. And hasn't returned my call...but it's ok I got a whole nother appointment at a different shop on Thurs. so she can miss me with the bullshit, and I will think about returning her merchandise...

Prosthetics pt 2

I expressed my feelings about the prosthetic lady to my husband. And he always sees things differently than I do, or should I say he keeps me grounded...(I love him for that). And he said I should give her another chance. He said something I didn't think of, he said my whole cancer experience all my doctors, nurses etc has made it all about me, and making sure I was happy. But for Nancy (the owner of the prosthetic shop) She is a business owner and she is trying to make money and he said I should give it another chance before deciding to go somewhere else.

So I did just that, I called them back to ask a question, and her assistant Linda told me to come in, and get fitted. So I came in and tried on about 10 or so bra's and prosthetics. To see what worked with the size I wanted, which is at least a D cup...(I used to be a double D). While I was that Nancy came in and she was really nice. She told me she ordered some prosthetics that was more my skin color, cause all they had in store was white ones. And while she was fitting me, she noticed that my I needed what is called an compression bra to help with the swelling of my chest muscles. So she fitted me for the compression bra, put some fabric breast forms in there. To help the bra compress.

My brown prosthetics should be in next week along with the bra's I wanted, and I was really surprised to see they really had some cute bra's.

So all in all I'm happy I listened to my husband, and gave them another chance. I was really pleased with the service that I received, and now I can't wait for my prosthetics to come in...

Physical Therapy

Last week I went to see the physical therapist, I am at risk of getting lymphedema, because when I had surgery they had to remove some of my lymph nodes under my arm. And I have trouble lifting my left arm over my head due to the surgery.

The physical therapist name was Nici (Nicky). She was nice, and very informative. She showed me some exercises to do, in order to help reduce the risk of getting Lymphedema. Apparently there is no cure for it, if it develops you just have to manage it. I have to do these exercises everyday, well I'm suppose to do them everyday. But of course I don't because I'm hard headed. I'm thinking of making a weekly apt with the physical therapist, I believe that would make me more disciplined at doing the exercises.

I hope that I don't develop Lymphedema. And I will do my exercises more, whether I make a weekly apt or not. at least I'm going to make a effort to. I know it's the best thing for me, and I need the range of motion in my arm.

Prosthetics....

On yesterday, I had a meeting with the lady who handles the Prosthetic breast cases for the hospital. Her name is Nancy. So we (my husband and I) meet with her. And She is going over some personal information . Then she proceeds to show me and have me try on some bras and some prosthetic breast. I'm looking all cute, and feeling cute, cause I haven't had on a bra in a while, and wow these look like real breast with the bra on. So I'm kinda feeling myself...lol...

Then she asks about my insurance, I tell her I have Blue Cross Blue Shield of Minnesota. Then her whole conversation changes. Now all of a sudden she doesn't have the bra that would look good on me. Which was ok, because the last one I tried on looked like a grandmother bra. (and I definitely didn't want that one). So at first I thought she was being shady because of my insurance. But then she began to tell me about these custom made breast forms, that I could get and my insurance would cover them. She said they would make a mode of my body, and custom fit them just for me, and they will be the same color of my body, and you can put moles on them, or they can show veins, or whatever else you wanted (I should have asked if I could get them tattooed..lol) any way she just hyped them up so much. She stated I would have to come into her shop to get them, IF that's what I wanted to do. now I never said yes or no I just listened. Then here comes the kicker she said they are 3500.00 a boob. WTF 7G's for some plastic boobs, that's alot I don't care even it the insurance will cover it. So then after she talked about these expensive ass breast, she told me to think about it, and she would order the bra's and call me when they were in.

Ok so today I get a call from Linda who works for Nancy, and on my voice mail, she tells me they have the bra's in store and they checked on my insurance to call her back. I call back and talk to Linda, she told me my insurance will cover everything 100%. I can get as many bra's as needed and there's no limit on my prosthetic breast. I'm like oh ok. Then she said Nancy wanted to talk to me, so I'm on hold...then Linda comes back and said. "We was wondering if you decided to go with the custom forms, because it takes about 2 hours to get fitted for them, or did you want to just use what we had in the store". I told Linda I decided against the custom forms. she was like "Ok. That's fine, we have forms in store you can choose from". Then she puts me back on on hold for Nancy. Then Linda comes back and says "Nancy said she will order you new bra's and she will call you when they come in" and got off the phone.

My reasons for not getting the customs forms you ask? Because I don't want to have to wait for them, I've been without breast for a while, and I want them when I leave the store. My surgeon told my me chest wall may flatten out more, and if that happens my custom fit forms won't fit properly anymore. and 7G's is just to damn much to pay for them..no matter who is picking up the tab....

Now I'm like Hold on, I know Linda said on my voice mail that they had the bra's in store. Why couldn't I just use them. And why didn't she speak with me, Is she mad because I decided against the customs forms, and she won't get 7G's from my insurance company. Because that's what it seems like to me. Now I feel like just going to a whole different shop. Matter of fact I will be going to talk to the shop around the corner from my house tomorrow.....Hopefully they take my insurance and they won't trip if I don't want the most expensive breast forms in the store....

P.S.

I'm no longer taking donations to help with the purchase of my breast forms, My insurance is covering the cost up front. But still feel free to donate if you wish...

Smooches!
Miko.

Radiation Therapy...

Today was day 3 for my radiation therapy. I have to go to radiation therapy everyday Monday thru Friday at 9:45 from now until 10/31/09, for a total of 35 treatments. What happens at radiation therapy you ask? Well I go in, get undressed from the waist up. and sit in the waiting room for about ummmm 30 seconds...then the nurse/tech comes to get me...and I lay on this table with a sheet on it...(like if you lay on your dinner table with a bed sheet on it) this thing is so uncomfortable. I lay on it and my head in my mold with my left hand above my head. The nurse/tech positions puts me in the right position. She lines up the tattooed dots on my body with the radiation machine. Then they leave the room. and the machine starts to rotate and radiate. I feel nothing, they change something on the machine and leaves the room again. Then the machine starts to rotate and radiate. I feel nothing...and then it's over...Yeah it takes about 10 minutes 20 tops. I mean I'm in and out of there with in 35 minutes total...

Ok this is my big gripe, how come everytime I get on the table, and they tell me to lay still. something starts to itch, my nose, my face, my arm, or my leg...and I can't touch it...UGH!

One thing I'm happy about is that it's way easier than chemo...Hell surgery was easier than Chemo...but I still don't like going. I mean every single day. What if I'm sick, can I call in even though I do it at the hospital. I think I'm just tired of going to the Dr. This is how you know you've been going to much. When you walk in and they know you by name, and they check you in when you walk in the door, and 12 months ago they had no idea who you were.....

But I guess it could be worst.....

Eyelashes/Eyebrows

I am so excited to tell you that my eyelashes are growing back. I haven't had eyelashes for a couple of months now. Sometimes I wear fake lashes...(I love those things). I think I'm going to start to wear them everyday like the rich girls. But until the day comes when I start..I will have my own lashes...right now they are very short...and my daughter was looking at them she said.."Oh momma I see them they are sooo little" lol

Also my eyebrows are going back in. I hope the they grow back thicker because before I had cancer...they were very thin. to arch them all I had to do was prob pluck about 8 or 9 hairs...(don't be laughing)...So hopefully this time around I will get some thicker ones....

President Barack Obama!

Yesterday I saw the Phenomenal President Obama.

Ok let me take you through my day. We woke up at about 5:30ish. cause we wanted to get good seats. The President was going to be doing a health care speech at the Target Center, downtown Minneapolis and it was FREE. The doors were gonna open at 9:30 but you know when it's free and the President you have to get there early.

We drop the kids off with the sitter and head downtown. After we park we start to walk toward the target center. We noticed the line, and come to find out it was around the block and 7 am. We head toward the end of the line. Then the brotha in a suit tell us that the line in the skyway is much shorter. We get to the skyway and there is only about 6 people up there.. (Big ups to the brotha in the suit). We are in line about 10 minuets and OMG! the line is about a mile or so long. We stayed in lin for 2 1/2 hours. (me and the hubs in line)


Finally they let us into the Target Center. We go thru security and they direct us to out seat. And low and behold the 2 1/2 hours we well worth it. We were the first ones in the target center. and had some of the best seats in the place. (another big ups to the Brotha in the suit). We are in row 5. I mean the stage is right there. (here was space on the floor open by the stage and the seats are up from the floor).

It took another 3 hours or so to get the 1500 people in the Center.

.........

and among the 1500 guest there was this guy that had on a shirt that read "World Largest Obama supporter...I swear he is was 8 feet tall...see look how much taller he is over everybody else..

NOW....

The man of the hour President Barack Obama. On the way to the stage he mingled with the people on the floor by the stage. Then when he got on the stage OMG his presence is amazing. People cheered and clapped and stood on their feet for about 7 minutes before he even started to talk.

He spoke about the issue at hand "Health care for all". He said he was going to fight for affordable health care for all Americans. How this issue affects all of us. He also said that this is had been touched by other Presidents and he was determined it was going to stop with him. He told a couple of stories of how some peoples benefits were stopped when they needed them. I mean he hit a lot of good points.

And before he was done, he told us the story to why he always says "Fired Up" and "Ready to go" and the story was kinda funny. He has a wonderful sense of humor. He is so charismatic. His presence is monumental. His voice is so powerful. He is just Phenomenal. If you ever get a chance to hear him speak. Please don't let the opportunity pass. I'm glad I didn't......and trust me when I say when he is done speaking you will be fired up and ready to go. .

..................................................................................................................

I just want to take time out to Thank everyone who supported and voted for President Barack Obama.....my name is Tamiko Edwards and I approved this message...

9/11

I know it's 9/13..but I'm gonna back track to 9/11/2001...

What were you doing when the Twin Towers were attacked.

Well I was at work, I was working for U.S Banks at the time. I went downstairs on break and ordered some breakfast. There were people crowded around the TV. I asked what happened. A lady told me that a plane had crashed into one of the Twin Towers. So as I began to look a the tv the second plane it. I was like Oh My GOD! I can't believe this is real. Then a man said that's no accident that's a terrorist attack. And I was late from break watching the News.

So I called home...now my mother in law was visiting us in Minnesota for her birthday (her birthday is 9/11). She answers the phone, I ask her is she is watching the news. She said I'm half sleep I thought it was a movie. So I tell her and the hubs what's going on. And we all watched in amazement.

Ok I'm getting teary eyed.....

I just want to end this by saying. My heart goes out to all that effected directly and/or indirectly by 9/11...

My Radiation Consultation...

Today I had 2 appointments, one with the Oncologist and one with the Radiologist.

My oncologist just basically did a follow up from my surgery. You know checked my incision, and my blood pressure, my blood count etc. A pretty simple visit. I tried to get out of going to Radiation but she wasn't having it. I just didn't understand if all the cancer was removed during surgery, why radiation?

Now on to the Radiation consultation. First we (my husband and I) checked in with Michelle, she took down general information, like name, addy, phone, emergency contact etc. Then we talked with nurse Donnie, well I should say we met with Nurse Donnie, because she did most of the talking. She first went over how I found the lump, and all the procedures I had up to this point. She also went over my medical background, past surgeries and stuff.

Then she proceeded to tell us what to expect during radiation. Like how it's kinda like an X-Ray, and I won't feel anything in the beginning, I won't be sick or constipated. I may be a little tired, but not like chemo tired. She said I will get burned like a sun burn, and my skin may peel and become irritated, and that I need to stay moisturized... but it will clear up about a month or so after the treatments........She also said they will build a mode of my body, and oh yeah they will tattoo small marks on my body, (yeah I said tattoos)...and she said a whole bunch of other stuff. I mean she talked and talked and talked. I can say she was very informative and she knew her stuff.

Then after Nurse Donnie, the Radiologist came in (I can't spell or pronounce his name). He kinda reiterated everything that Nurse Donnie went over. He did add, that there is a small 2% risk that the radiation itself could cause cancer. And a small very small sliver of my heart will get radiated, and in about 3 or 4 years I will need a stress test on my heart to make sure it's ok he did assure me that the risk of it not being ok is also small...... A part of my lung will get radiated, and apparently that shouldn't effect me either because it's only a small piece...... So I am still in need of prayer.

He also let me know why I still needed to have radiation. When I was first diagnosed, and had a pet scan the scan showed that I had some abnormalities at the base of my neck that my be cancerous..and even though the pathology report showed the cancer were removed, I could still have some cells behind my muscles, and the radiation will kill those left over cells if any are there.

After talking to the radiologist, I went to have a cat scan, and to get the mode made...the mode is so I will lay exactly the same way every time. Ok before the cat scan, the sticker lady came and put about 20 stickers on my chest area. Why? They didn't tell me. I'm pretty sure they were to mark something. What? I don't know.......So for the cat scan I had to lay there and not move for what seemed like an hour...but I think it was more like 15 mins or so...And as soon as the scan was over, the nurses came and tatted me up. granted the tats are only about as big as a pin head. none the less they are still tattoos and permanent... Now the tattoos are so they can radiate the same spot every time...like markers.

After all this...I go back to talk with Michelle to get my free parking pass...yeah I get to park free at the hospital during my radiation. Because I have to go everyday Monday thru Friday for about 30 mins a day. Do you know how much that would be...let's just say a lot. (I should just go and park just because...lol)

Ok so I start Radiation on Monday 9/14/09, and my last treatment is 10/31/09. So hopefully my skin won't be to irritated that I don't want to put clothes on and I can go back to work in Nov. We'll see...and I will keep you posted as I go thru my radiation treatments....


Miko..

Women please do your self exams, and/or get your mammograms on time. Breast Cancer is not prejudice.....If you are a woman you are at risk.

P.S. Men can get Breast Cancer too...

First Day of School!

Yesterday was my daughter's first day of School, at her new school. The school she went to last year, had mostly brown people. The new school only has a sprinkle of brown people. But it's all good. She really enjoyed her first day. I went to school with her and stayed for about 2 1/2 hours, and all I can say is Teacher's are special people. The morning started out kinda quiet, but when the teacher decided to go thru school supplies, and asked me to help. OMG...the kids were so loud, and when they needed help all you heard was Mrs House, Ms Tamiko, Teacher...a little boy even said to me Hey lady what's your name. WOW...Teachers are special people and should be paid more. But all in all I did enjoy myself, because it's not like they were bad, just talkative really loud. (and I'm glad I could go home when I wanted too...lol)

She also enjoyed herself today, but the real test will be tomorrow when they have Phy Ed. At her last school they didn't have Phy Ed. so we'll see...

While we're waiting here are some pics from the first day..

Awwww The Princess!

Last Night was kinda rough...

.... for me, I had this fluid in my chest where my breast use to be. Since I don't have the drain tubes in, the fluid is sitting there. The Dr warned me this might happen, and that if it gets to full I will have to get it drained out with a needle. And trust me when I say it was too full, it almost looked like I was growing a boob. And it was sore, and hard, and uncomfortable. And it seemed like it flared up over night. Well more like on Friday, and of course it would do it then, knowing my Dr. wouldn't be in the office until today because of he holiday UGH!, so I just suffered thru it all weekend it. And I slept just fine up until last night. I tossed and turned, woke the hubs up and everything. And he's so sweet he didn't complain one bit.

So I went into see Barb, the Dr's asst. And she hooked me up. She seen what was going on and said, "Oh I can handle that".

Man when I tell you the needle she pulled out was big as hell. But then she said, "I'm gonna stick in where it's numb, where the incision is"..... Now mind you she never asked me if I was numb. But baby I felt it when she stuck that bad boy in. I didn't scream but I jumped and she "oh did you feel that". I'm thinking hell yeah I felt that. Then she proceeded to move the needle around under my skin until she reached the pocket as she called it. And then OMG! there was so much fluid, and as the fluid was coming out I could see my chest deflate. And it started to feel so much better. Now hopefully I will get some sleep tonight.

Barb said that I will prob be back, because she belives more fluid will get trapped. Go figure!

Happy Labor Day...Early

We grilled on Sunday after church, because my mom was going a back home on Monday, and Since school was starting on Tuesday, I needed to get the Princess prepared on Monday.

My wonderful husband grilled and I mean he hooked it up. I love it when he grills. He grilled chicken, pork chops, steaks, a roast and corn on the cob. We had some mac and cheese, and my girl made a 7 up cake. We didn't do it to big, but it was good. We had couple of friends over and just had a good time.

I hope everybody had a good and safe Labor Day Weekend!

I got a crock pot

I've always wanted one, but never purchased one, why I really don't' have a reason....

but anyways I have one now thanks to my home girl Belinda. Apparently she bought it for a wedding gift, but never attended the wedding and it was just sitting in her closet. We were suppose to go to a different wedding, and she was going to us that same gift..(shhhh don't tell nobody). But we didn't go to that wedding either. So I asked could I have it, I mean it is the end of wedding season, and I doubt if we are invited to any more this year. And being the great person she is she gave me the gift.

and what's funny is she called it my wedding gift...(um 10yrs late) but better late than never...

Thanks a bunch B!

Another Survivor...

Let me tell you about this girl I met thru my cousin/sister on Facebook. Her name is Terri Davis. My cousin Sandra Rush introduced her. (I wrote about my cousin a wile back). Anyways she wanted to us to talk because we kinda have the same situation. We both are young black women who has had breast cancer. So the friendship started off kind of slow, and then it progressed. I won't go all into detail about her situation, because she is not as open as I am about it. But what I will say is that we are fighting this battle together. We both have had our surgeries, (hers was before mine). And we both will be getting new boobs. (of course she will get her first...damn you Terri...lol). And we both are SURVIVORS!

Before I end this post, I would like to tell Terri Thank you, because when I have a cancer related issue I want to talk about. She is there to listen and or talk and it nice because she understands what I'm going thru. I thank my cousin/sister for introducing us. And I'm looking forward to this friendship, even though we are miles apart...

From on survivor to the next
Thanks Girl...

Meet the Teacher

On Yesterday 09/2/09 my daughter and I went to meet her teacher (Daddy had to work). Her teacher's name is Mrs. House ( she looks like she should be married to Dr. House...lol) She seemed very nice, another parent described her as being Fabulous. And I thought we should get along fine cause I to am Fabulous..lol...

This is a new school she will be attending this year, which is predominately white. Her last school was opposite predominately black ( or brown as she says). And for those who don't know Ms. Adria, she is very smart, she was the class president of the kindergarten's last year, and her teacher said she was one of the smartest kindergarten's at the school, and her personality is vibrant, but she can be very shy..(she must get that from her Dad).

So I only have 2 concerns 1. Will she be to shy since she won't know anybody at first. and 2. How much (if any) racism will she have to face at this school? Now I know she will eventually come out of her shell, sooner or later. And when we went to the school she didn't really act shy. She talked to the teacher, and spoke to other people at the school with out a prob. And I'm praying that we don't have any racism, cause if we do...man oh man, I don't know if I can keep the ghetto girl in her place....Cause baby I promise they will see a side of me they don't want to....

So to try to keep everything in check I am going to make sure they know me by name. I am joining the PTA, and I will make regular visits to the school, and I don't plan on missing any school functions.

Hallelujah!

Well on Monday I got up and I was feeling fine, went to a couple of stores with my mom. On my way I had a really bad headache. When I got home I got on the computer to check my Facebook page. I started to get chills so I covered up with my blanket. I really wasn't feeling well. I took my temperature and low and behold I had a damn fever. (Nice) My husband called and I explained to him how I felt, and being the wonderful husband he is, he said he would see about coming home. I told him not to...after speaking with him on the phone I finally got up and got in the bed. I must have fell asleep because the the next thing I noticed is my husband was kissing me on the forehead. (I told you he was wonderful). But I stayed in the bed all day, I didn't want to go to the Dr. because, my Dr. was gone home for the night. So I promised myself and my husband that I would go to the Dr on Tuesday.


When I woke up on Tues feeling just fine. But I made a same day appt with my Dr. anyways. I go into the Dr. and they check me out, my fever was gone, he said that the fluid that was in my chest wasn't anything to worry about. He said my body should absorb it, and if for some reason it doesn't they can remove it with a needle. So hopefully my body absorbs it, so basically I was okay... and

Guess What?

They removed my last drain tube...(Hooray) so I am now drain free and Sexy...lol...

Also I am happy to announce that my pathology report came back and all the Cancer was removed during Surgery...Thank Jesus to being Cancer Free...Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

My Long Time Friend

I talked to a friend of mine today. That I haven't talked to in years. You know the kind of friend, that even though you haven't spoke in while (years) that doesn't change the way you feel about each other. Well actually she is more like family, I've known her since about the 3rd or 4th grade. It was nice to hear from her, and a blessing all in one. She called to just to ask how I was doing, and to tell me about a young lady named Ateya out in Texas where she lives, who sells wigs, makeup, scarfs etc. She also does tutorials on youtube...And my friend said she would like to send me a wig. Awwww how thoughtful. I haven't looked at the site yet, even thought I'm excited about it. But I promise it is on my to do list for tomorrow.

Thank for thinking of me Ms. Cat...

I love you girl..(and your twin) Smooches!

Trapped Fluid?

As you know I went to the Doctor last week and had 2 of my tubes removed. I had 2 on the left and 1 on the right. Now I only have 1 on the right. The tubes were to drain fluid from my body where my breast use to be. Since the removal everything has been ok, until today I was looking at myself in the mirror and I noticed that the right side of my chest looked different from the left. So I pushed on it and it moved. Kinda like it's some fluid under my skin. hmmmm...

I told my husband to look at it and he said the same thing. So I don't want to see the doctor tomorrow because I'm scared they my have to drain it with a needle. I hate needles....yeah yeah I know I have 2 tattoos, (want to get another) and has had my tongue pierced, but those needles were by choice damnit...anyways I had needles. And God forbid they want to put another tube back in. UGH! So my husband said I should give it a couple of days and see what happens....

And on top of this the tube that's still on my left side really hurts today for some reason. I don't know if I irritated it or what. I know I have been slacking on my pain meds. Well not really slacking just taking them as needed instead of every 4 hours. Tonight I will be careful how I sleep and hopefully all will be good tomorrow...

The Damn IHop

Let me start by saying Church was wonderful today. My pastor preached his but off. But he always does. I love to hear him preach. He knows what to say and when to say it, and how to get his point across. He is in the business of Saving Souls.

And no I haven't called him back, and he did address that today. So I will be calling him either tomorrow or the next day. But I will let yall know..

After church we went out to eat. (My mom's still in town, and apparently she don't cook on Sunday's she is accustom to going out to eat every single Sunday.) So we decided on Ihop in Maplewood MN, because my mom said she wanted to go before she went back home (they don't have Ihop in Flint Mi) and secondly because kids eat free after 4pm. A couple of friends came with, and we had a total of 4 kids.

Now it's time to order and we all wanted The T-Bone Steak and Shrimp. Now mind you it's 5 adults. Well initially my mom wanted the sirloin..but they were out of Sirloin so she opted for the T-bone like the rest of us. So we sitting around mouth watering, waiting on our T-Bones...and low and behold the waitress comes back and says "Sorry were out of T-Bones too".

WTH Hold the Damn Presses...How in the hell yall out of T-Bones, what kind of ghetto establishment is this. And the funny part is my husband and I thought they were out of business, cause it always seems like they have no business...now with that said..did they only start out with about 10 or so Steaks, the waitress claimed they sold them all at breakfast...Whateva!

And that was the first time in about a year since we had eaten there. And best believe that will be the last....

3 Movies in 3 Days....

Aug 27 was my husband's birthday, we went to his favorite restaurant Famous Daves. Then off to see District 9, now I've seen a lot of Alien movies. But this one was totally different from any of them out there. Now the camera work is kinda shaky, if you get queasy easy, take some meds before you see it.

On Aug 28th we decided to go to the movies again. This time we went to see Halloween II. And I'm here to tell you it's Okay. A lot of killing of course, but a weak story line. The ending was interesting, but personally I liked the first one better.

On Aug 29, we decided at the last minute to catch the late show of Final Destination 4. Okay this one. First don't expect much from this one, but people dying, and grossness. The acting is WHACK, and it ends stupidly. But as long as you know not to have high expectations going in, everything will be ok.

WOW 3 movies in 3 days....all I can say is we like movies...my husband prob likes them more then I do. But I will go with him whenever he's wants...

The Pastor's Secretary Called Me...

If you've been reading my blog you know my relationship with me and my church...

Well the other day I was out shopping with my mom. And my phone is always on vibrate. (so if you call and I don't answer I'm not ignoring you) anyways. I had a missed call and a voice mail. I checked the voice mail, and it's a message from my Pastor's Secretary. She left me a message saying my pastor wanted to talk with me. WOW right. I know it was the deaconess or the church nurse who told him about my situation, now he wants to talk.

and guess what? I didn't even call him back. Why? because I really don't know what to say or expect. So now tomorrow is Sunday, and I know he will see me at church. I guess I will see how this goes. If we don' t talk tomorrow. I promise I will call him on Monday..

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Today is the Hubs Birthday. I won't say how old he is, cause he still claims to be 27. Like he ain't a part of the dirty 30 crew. But it's OK I still love him.

So I just want to take time to tell you Happy Birthday. I know we don't have anything planned. We are just gonna wing it. But I hope to see your smile, and I will do what I can to make sure you enjoy yourself this weekend. I love you Daddy...

~ Your Wife..

My Follow - up Appt.

I had a Dr's appointment on Tues 08/25/09, to follow up from surgery and to see if my drains could be taken out. Well the follow up part went ok. My surgeon said I was healing very well..so I was happy about that. But when it came to getting my drains removed, I was almost in tears. Apparently my body is still producing to much fluid to be removed. And I didn't want to hear that shit. Man these tubes are getting on my nerves, It's uncomfortable to sleep, It's uncomfortable when I'm woke, and trying to find something to wear that's can go over the drain tubes, is a whole nother story.....

But since I've seen the Dr. my body has been producing less fluids, and I so happy that today I will be getting 2 of my tubes removed..and hopefully the last one will be out soon. You just don't know how happy I am...I am looking forward to sleeping tonight. and just getting dressed with out the tubes. I don't want much, I just want to put on Jeans and a T shirt, without all worrying about if I squeezing the tubes...

Back to School Dr.'s Appt.

On Monday 8/24/09 I took my daughter to the Dr. to get her back to school physical. And I am proud to say she is just perfect..(that came from her Dr.) She weighs 51 lbs. and is 3 foot 11..Yes that's tall for a 6 yr old. And she is skinny. But I'm am very happy that she is healthy...Thank You Jesus!

She will be starting 1st grade this year.

oh let me tell you this. When I told my baby I was taking her to the Dr. She said she wanted to go the Brown Man....(her Dr. is Black...but in her eyes you are either Brown, White, Asian or Beige...lol).

If You Need Something...

How come when people get sick or something..People always say if you need something let me know. I know they mean good, but really, why do I have to ask. If you know I'm down why don't you just come over and do something. Because secretly you hope I don't need anything. (right).

I mean you know that I have dishes, I have kids, I have a bathroom, I have to go grocery shopping, etc. So don't ask what can you do just do it.

Actually I'm really glad I can do stuff on my own. Because I would be shit out of luck. But I'm not mad, I'm just saying...

and on the other hand if you really want to do something, send me some money because this disability check just ain't cutting it...

My Church!

When I went to church on Sunday. I decided not to wear my wig. I've been bald since the end of April. But for some reason when I go to church I wear my wig. Mainly because I haven't told them I had breast cancer....


Ok let me back up and tell you why...

I was debating on telling my church, because I felt like nobody there really knew me. I've been a member there for years, but I haven't really been involved in the church activities...My pastor knows me by name...but a lot of members of the church don't...(ok that's my reasons and I'm sticking with it). I had talked to my mom about it and she said just call them.

So I did...and WOW...ok this is what happened...first our church secretary's name is Marsha, and I'm not going to say anything bad about her. I'm just gonna say she show favoritism. Ok so I called and Marsha answered the phone. I tell her my situation and she asks my name, so I say "Tamiko Edwards", and then she says "I don't think I know you" I'm like "OK"...then she gets quiet. So I said "Never mind I'm good" and I hung up the phone. And I'm thinking WOW this is why I didn't want to call. I mean even if she didn't know me, you couldn't look me up, I know I'm on the roster...I"m pretty sure they keep a record when I give them money...

So what I do..I stopped going to that church for a couple of weeks, I either stayed home or visited a different church. I was seriously thinking of changing churches...

But when my mom got here, she wanted to go to church, so I took her to my church. I decided not wear my wig. And all the other times I've been since I've been bald, I've worn a wig. But this Sunday I decided not too. Even though I knew it would raise some questions, but it was just to damn hot outside.

When I first got there, I saw the lady from my support group who is also a survivor and we chatted for about 5 mins or so. Then we went into the church, everything was fine no questions about my hair. I'm glad because I can't lie in the church.

Then after church, I saw my friend Felicia (who is also a Deaconess at the church), and the Nurse at our church, (Don't know her name). Well they both had questions about the bald head. First the nurse and I told her and she was upset I didn't tell the church, and she took my number and said she would check on me....Now my friend, that's another subject she said she has been looking for me, cause I hadn't been to church. And the church didn't have my phone number or my new addy. So I tell her the situation on what happened when I called. And come to find out Marsha has been in trouble for mistreating people lately...hmmmmm...So I gave her my new number, and she called another Deaconess over there to talk to me, apparently she is a breast cancer survivor also. And they said they would come and pray for me, and they felt bad because they had missed my surgery.

So I will see how these church people follow through. And then I will make my decision if I need to find me a new church or not....

My First Day Out....

So Saturday 8/22/09 was my first day out since my surgery on Monday 08/17/09. I was going to try and stay in the house until my Dr.s appointment today 08/25/09. But man I had cabin fever. I hate sitting in the house, and plus the nurse called from the Hospital and gave me the go ahead.

But the challenge was trying to find something to wear to hide my drain tubes. So that cut out 85% of my wardrobe. Because I mostly have fitted clothes. And to put these drain tubes under a fitted shirt, well let's just say I look CRAZY...lol...I'm so glad I held on on this one shirt that kinda flares out. (my husband says it makes me look pregnant) but it looks just fine over my drain tubes.

Ok so I took my mom to the mall shopping. (that's all she does I swear). anyways we stayed about 2 hours or so. Let the kids play at the play area. Then we went to Target to shop some more. and then home...

By the end of the night I was hit. But I got up Sunday and went to church. I feel if I'm well enough to go to the mall. Then I'm well enough to go to the Lord's house. And I'm glad I did...Church was Glorious...I even cried a little. You know how the Baptist do, they touch on everything, from kids, finance, health and family.......to make sure they have everybody in tears...

The Next Step

I have a Dr.s appointment on Tues 8/26/09 to get a check up and hopefully get these drain tubes removed. (I'm so looking forward to that).

What I know so far is, that the Dr. is going to let me heal for about an month or so. Then after that I have to go to radiation. Apparently I have to have 30 treatments of radiation. I will be going Monday - Friday about 20 to 30 minutes a day for 6 weeks. As far as I know it won't make me sick, but from what I heard, it will burn my skin kinda like a sunburn. So really not looking forward to that. But I plan on handling it like a champ.

Since I have to have radiation that will delay my reconstruction surgery. (I'm kinda bummed out about that). My Dr says that I need to wait 6 - 12 months before I can get reconstruction. Because if I get it before radiation, the radiation could damage them, and we don't want that. So I will need to fully heal before they can go back and cut on me to do the reconstruction. So I will be without real breast for a while. But I'mma be okay!

My plan is to get reconstruction surgery in April 2010. I choose April because, it will a be a year from the time I was diagnosed.

On a good note, I've found out about these prosthetic breast called breast forms. I plan on getting some of them. apparently they have all sizes, shapes and colors. And they are life like. You can work out in them, swim in them and do anything you want. (a lot of drag queens use them...lol) They just stick on your chest, you put a specially made bra, and be on your way.

How much do they cost you ask. Roughly about 300.00 so I will be taking up a donation. But I will give it back when my insurance reimburse me..lol...

How am I feeling?

I have been asked this question more times that I can count.

And the answer is...I'm doing just fine. Way better than I thought I would.

I thought I would be ashamed by not having any breast. I thought I would not want my husband to look at me. I also thought I would be depressed by my situation. And come to find out, I'm still fabulous as ever. I'm not ashamed, if you asked to see I would show you. I just came to the realization that this does not define me. I'm still beautiful, I'm still a woman, and it's going to have to take a lot more then not having breast for me not to be fabulous!

Ms Miko..
Smooches!

08/19/09 I came home

And just 2 days after surgery. and I was excited. (I don't like staying in the hospital). But now I'm home, and I'm feeling better and better by the day. The only thing is, I can't seem to keep anything down, except for some grapes. And that's not going to cut it. I know I want to loose weight, but starving my self was not in the plan. So today I am going to try and eat some pizza. I know it will prob come back up, but I hope it's good going down.

Now..

as for these drains, they are getting on my nerves. It's so uncomfortable to sleep with them. It's enough I have to sleep on my back like I'm in a coma or something. And then with these drains UGH!!! I so hope when I got to the Dr on Tues. they remove them. Not only are they uncomfortable to sleep in, they make my shirts look funny..lol..even though I'm only wearing pajama's but that doesn't change the fact that I still need to look fabulous..lol...

At the Hospital

So now surgery is over and I'm in my hospital room. The room is cool, I wish it was private. But my roommate was cool. Hell you couldn't even tell she was even there....

Ok, so when you have a mastectomy (single or double) they put these tubes in your body to drain the fluids in your body. Me I have have 3 drains, 1 for each breast and on one for lymphnode I had to have removed. Now these drains are plastic tubes and and the end of the tube it like the end of a turkey baster. And the fluids that it holds from my body..let's just say they don't look pleasant. And they have to be emptied 3 times a day. So the nurse shows us how to empty them because I have to wear these things home. (if you would like to see a pics of them click here).

And on top of that, I'm vomiting a lot. At first the nurse can't figure out why. Then after a couple of hours of vomiting, I guess a light or something went off in her head. Because she realized the pain medicine they had me on, the side effect was nausea. So she changed me to Morphine. And I can tell you I was feeling good, no more upset stomach. Just feeling good.

Then after a couple of hours of morphine through the IV. And I was doing good, by not throwing up. They changed me to percocet (an oral pain medicine). This also made me feel good, and I wasn't nauseated at all. (Which is good, I hate throwing up).

And even though, I was feeling good, and the nurses were nice. all I wanted to do was go home. I mean who ever really wants to stay in the hospital. My doctor/surgeon did come in and say I may go home on Thurs. but I was thinking Wed.