Ms. Miko's Place on the Web

Dancing.....Again....

2012-01-10T10:44:00.000-08:00

Well I started back dancing this year. Now those who really know me, know I Love to Dance…That’s my passion…I feel so free when I’m dancing…

So like I said I started back this year (well technically last year 2011) since the new year (2012) just started. I attend The Art of Dance School in Minneapolis (so does the Princess) and I have to say I love it there.

So currently I’m only doing one class, but will be starting a second class soon. I hope this second class don’t take to much out of me, because even though I enjoy dancing, I haven’t done anything like this in about 7 or 8 yrs. But I’m getting back into the swing of things. I’m so glad I decided to start back, not only am I losing weight and getting back in shape and having fun, I’ve met some wonderful women……

I will keep you guys posted on how things go…We have a recital coming up in May or June…

I’m excited about getting Costumes… when we get them, I will post a pic…

2011 is coming to an END!!

2011-12-29T07:32:00.000-08:00

Soon it will be 12/31/11 and the next day will be a new year 01/01/12. What does that mean? To some it means nothing to others they will be making resolutions, promises to do be, to be better, however they see fit. But how many people actually do the things they say are going to do…prob less then 3% .

The reason is that you can’t change over night, and just because the date on the calendar changes don’t mean you will. First of all change is a process and it comes from within, not because the year changes, so why wait, you can start your process at any time, it may not be a new year, but everyday you wake up it’s a new day why not start then?

Well for me I’m anti resolution, because I know I won’t keep them, I need time to prepare my self for the process of change, for me Change is hard but I keep pushing forward to do better and to be better, and trust me when I tell you it’s a work in progress and it’s been progressing for a while…lol

I’m going to end with this, The only thing that can really make us change is a Revelation, and the sad part most of us can’t or won’t recognize our Revelation and it will pass us by and will we be stuck trying to doing the same ole, same ole…

Thank you Jesus I recognized my Revelation 

CHRISTMAS is 6 days away!!!

2011-12-19T07:26:00.000-08:00

It is December 19, 2011 and it doesn’t feel like Christmas is 6 days away, I don’t know what it is, Maybe cause there is no snow outside, so it doesn’t look like Christmas, Maybe it’s because I’m just not in the Christmas spirit even though I want to be. Or it could be all this talk about people not know what the meaning of Christmas is. I’m not sure what it is. But it just doesn’t feel like Christmas.

Ok let me touch on each point, (some more than others)

I live in the Midwest, I’ve lived in the Midwest all my life and usually when it’s Christmas there is Snow outside and the snow gives it a Christmasy feeling. But we don’t have any and even with people having their Christmas lights outside, and we have a tree up, it just doesn’t seem like Christmas…now don’t get me wrong I’m not complaining about not having snow…I really wish there were Palm Trees out front …

I don’t know where my Christmas spirit is…I think I’ve lost it through out the years, this is not the first year I’ve been without it. I get kinda of down this time of year, because I wish we had more family to Celebrate the Holidays with. We haven’t done that in over a decade. It would be nice to see my Mom on Christmas or even my Sister. My nieces and nephews and last but certainly not least my Son…but I’m going to focus on redeeming my Christmas Spirit so on Christmas Morning I can wake up feeling all Jolly like..

And Lastly…I’m so sick and tired of people talking about their kids and kids in general don’t know what Christmas is about, or don’t know the meaning of Christmas…and oh it’s better to Give than to Receive ….Well if your kids don’t know what Christmas is about or what it means teach them, that’s if you know your self. That’s an easy fix to this “Problem” just teach them…it’s really not that hard..you don’t have to make them volunteer (not saying it’s not good to Volunteer) or not get them gifts, to teach them what Christmas means, cause that’s really not teaching them anything about Christmas. And yeah it is better to give than to receive, but in order for you to be a giver, there has to be a receiver….

The last thing I’m going to say on this matter is…Christmas represents Jesus Birthday…on Birthdays we give gifts…I know it’s not our birthday…but Jesus gave us the Ultimate Gift …LIFE, so what’s wrong with giving on this Day…

Me..

2011-12-09T17:39:00.000-08:00

I know sometimes he gets tired of me, even though he assures me that he doesn't ....but I know dealing with me everyday can be a lot. I know I am a bit over the top, or maybe even a lot over the top. Most people can only deal with me in small doses. So why wouldn't he get tired to.

And on top of being over the top in general, I am very opinionated, out spoken and very emotional and I will cry sometimes just because. I get lonely because I feel have no friends, I also get depressed sometimes because I feel like nobody understands me. And on top of all that I'm a whole lot of Fabulous..

So why wouldn't he get tired, of me sometimes...

I know he loves me, I know he wants to be with...I'm just not so convinced that he doesn't get tired of me...sometimes ...

No Santa Claus....

2011-12-02T10:02:00.000-08:00

So I told the Princess that there wasn’t a Santa Claus… Well let me back up and tell you how it came about…

This actually happened a couple of weeks ago..but I’m telling the story now..lol

So the Princess was going over her 3 page Christmas List…trying to down size it. And she stated that she wanted another American Girl Doll… I’m thinking does she know this damn doll is 100 plus dollars (and that’s just for the damn doll, her glasses and to get her ears pierced, no extra clothes or nothing) ..So she is going on about how she would like one, and what she would name her. I said Um MaMa (that’s what I call her) You’re not getting another American Girl Doll, you already have one, and they cost to much... She come back with but I only have 1. I say.. some people don’t have any…and of course she said Santa Claus can get me one he can get anything… I said Baby we need to to talk ….

So I said MaMa, you need to sit down, I have to tell you something…so we sit down and I proceed to tell her about Santa, how he used to be real and really long time ago. And He did deliver toys back then, and all these years his legacy is still around, but unfortunately there is NO Santa…and Momma and Daddy buys all your gifts for Christmas…

So now I’m ready for the tears, and the dramatics, (cause she dramatical) and she’s quiet for a minute or 2. then she looks at me and says “So people has been lying to me all this time…….

Black Women and Reality TV

2011-11-14T20:05:00.001-08:00

So I watch Reality TV like most of us, and I'm all on Facebook posting about it, Tweeting about it on Twitter, because for one it's funny to watch and even funnier to talk about it with others.

But I've noticed a lot of websites, blogs and people have said that the Black women on these shows, (Housewives of Atlanta, Basketball Wives, Love and Hip Hop etc) portray us as Black women in a bad light...WELL UM NOT REALLY, yeah I said it not really...the Reality of it is most Black women act/behave that way and sometimes even worst...I know I'm going to get women saying I don't do that, or My and my girl don't do that...well FYI if you don't then that's good, I feel like I don't either. But you know somebody and or is related to somebody who does....Let me say that again we ALL know somebody and or are related to somebody, that is a Hood Rat, Ghetto, Trifling, or my favorite a Ride or Die Chick. And if you say no I don't know those kind of people. That person just might be YOU.

As Black people the majority of us are aggressive by nature, and being an aggressive women whose thought process is emotional can lead to disaster. Example, finding out your Boo is fucking around on you, with your homegirl and she pregnant... Example find out that your Boo has a wife he never told you about....Example Finding out your Boo is on the DL.... Example Finding out your Boo has given you a STD..Get the picture...and yes in any of these situations (not just limited to these) we can go into Ghetto crazy girl mode with the quickness...

Now I know there are some of us who, think before we react, but not the majority..

WHY??

2011-05-12T08:43:00.000-07:00

First of all Why, as parents are they even allowing their kids to listen to Lil Wayne? His music is for Adults not kids. We wonder why our youth especially our girls are growing up so fast. A lot of it has to do with Parenting Skills.

Stop trying to be friends with your kids, Why on earth would you allow your baby girl, your princess write a letter to Lil Wayne, it is not cute at all, AT ALL...Now what happens he if answers back? hmmmm and not the way they you want him too, then these parents will be having a fit trying to sue him for disrespecting thier babies, I mean his mouth is out of control, but so are these parents for allowing this madness, putting these babies in a grown up position..

Please moniter what your child watch, what you say around them...

Come on Black People, we have GOT to do better... SMH

Don't take things so personal, Everything is NOT about you!!

2011-05-12T08:14:00.000-07:00

Ok so if you know anything about me I love Facebook. (sometimes it's my only Friend and that's ok) There are many reasons that my inner circle fits like a belt, at this point I'm really ready to keep it this way, but my husband thinks I should expand it..well we'll see about that...

Now you also know that I love my name Tamiko and my namesakes, and I have many namesakes Facebook Friends and we have a group just for us, and I love this group... (I love my Lovely O's)

So I wake up this morning to an inbox from one of my namesakes...and it surprised me I was so lost.. it said verbatim

Tamiko Smith
GETTIN OFF UR PAGE SO U CAN BE OFF MINE, N BY THA WAY, URE NOWHERR BEIN FAB, U R UGLY N BALD N UR DAUGHTER...NO WAY IN HELL SHE LOOKS MIXED, LOL DON'T KID URSELF
6:06AM

and she blocked me so I couldn't reply...lol (just to much for the AM)

then I got a couple more inboxes about the stuff she has wrote on her wall, mind you after she deleted...(ain't it funny how people delete you then talk shit...to funny) anyways

Apparently here is how we got to this point...I'm confused about it, but maybe it's me...here goes

Ms. Smith posted this story on her status

about Lauryn Hill

and she said something like. Somebody needs to stop, or she needs to quit, something along that road...

I read the story and said

Tamiko Storey-Edwards
Maybe she wants a big family and at least she can afford to take care of them..
19 hours ago · Like

now hours after I wrote that, she deleted/blocked me and came back with this..
Verbatim (this was inboxed to me...Thanks FB Buddy)

Tamiko Smith
WHO CARES, REALLY NOT ME, SHE CAN SHIT OUT AS MANY AS SHE WANTS, I REALLY COULD CARELESS, BOUT HER N ANYONE ELSE......WHY THA SLICK SHIT, I DONT GET IT, HAVE SUM RESPECT FOR MY POSTS LIKE I DO URS...SEEM LIKE U ALWAYS HAVE SUMTHIN TO MESSED UP TO SAY ON MY POSTS, REALLY WATS THA PROB? U DONT KNO ME LIKE THAT, IM NOT DISRESPECTFUL BUT I CAN BE, U MUST REALLY BE UNHAPPY...
3 hours ago · Like

Tamiko Smith
U MUST BE VERY VERY UNHAPPY, CAUSE I COME ON UR PAGE WIT RESPECT, N THIS AINT THA 1ST TIME U DUN SAID SUM SHIT TO PISS ME OFF, U DONT KNO ME LIKE THAT...GIVE ME THA SAME RESPECT THAT I GIV U, I AINT NO FAN OF URS, OKAY, DONT LOOK UP TO U N DONT KNO U, AND IM NOT GON SIT BAK N LET U SAY WAT U WANT TO SAY ON MY POST, IF U DONT LIKE THEM, KEEP IT MOVIN, OR DELETE URSELF. PLEASE.....
3 hours ago · Like

Tamiko Smith
ALL THA SHIT GOD BROUGHT U THRU, SMH, I WOULD BE THA NICEST PERSON ON EARTH, REAL MUFUKIN TAL, DELETE URSELF, TAKE ME OFF OF TAMIKOS PAGE I REALLY COULD CARELESS, BUT U GON CHILL WIT UR SLICK ASS MOUF ON MY PAGE....#CHEW ON THAT, GOT MY FRENZ ASKIN WHO THA HELL R U, HELL I DONT EVEN KNO, CHEER UP, GOD KEPT U FOR A REASON, LET THIS BE THA REASON U LEAVE MY PAGE....MS FABULOUS
3 hours ago · Like

(BLANK STARE)

and after reading this I'm still confused, Did I says something wrong, Did she think I was talking about her...Um No I was talking about Ms. Lauryn Hill...

People please stop taking shit so damn personal, or how about if you're not for sure JUST ASK...sheesh

and this is just one of the many reasons my inner circle fits like a belt...and I'm good with that...

7 yrs and 9 yrs old.....Rape Suspects???? So Sad!!

2011-04-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

ok click here to read the story...

When I read this story it, I was speechless and had tears in my eyes. Yet I had so many questions...

First of all it's unbelievable, a 7 yr old and a 9 yr old rapes a 2 yr old...OMG the thought of it is just sad and scary. My daughter is 7...man, I mean just unbelievable.

These are just babies and this IS learned behavior, but from who The Parents, maybe maybe not, it could be a older sibling, a care taker, a relative a family friend, but it is definitely learned behavior. Because at 7 and 9 you barely know your own body and what to do with it it, how would you even know or think to insert something in someone. Unless you seen it or had it done to you.

Did I mention I have a 7 yr old...man just crazy...

I do think taking them away from the home was a good choice, at least until they figure out who has bee abusing these babies. I also pray that they don't put these babies in jail, because they are also victims they need help, and a lot of it at such a young age. Boy oh boy the Devil is busy.

My heart and my prayers got out to all the families involved and the community, because this is going to get worst before it gets better, because when they start to dig into these family and find the sick bastard that has been abusing these babies...I hope they give they ass life in prison and somebody takes advantage of their ass...

People please pay attention to your kids and the people you allow to interact with you kids. because you never know a person is an abuser until they've abused someone....

WWW - World Wide Web...

2011-04-03T09:58:00.000-07:00

It's amazing the things that you come across while surfing the web, Sometimes I wonder do people realize that the web is world wide, not just local, not just in America. If they really knew this, would they be more conscious of what they put on here? hmmmmm or would they not give a damn, or how about what you put on the web NEVER goes away. Now I have to admit I've written some emails that I wouldn't want anybody else to read expect the person it was for, and I do know they can be recovered, but I can't say that there is picture of me, that I put on the web that I don't want people to do see, or that my come back to haunt me.

People need to realize and I'm talking grown people, or people who consider themselves grown, because Kids do dumb stuff, we all did the difference is when we (my generation and older) were young, we had regular pics, no email, we used pencils and paper, we had no cell phones web cams etc. and we still did dumb stuff, but today the dumb stuff these kids are doing is being documented FOREVER, and one day maybe just maybe when they become adults, it may come back to haunt them, ...and The grown people need to act like they know damn better before their kids come across some of this shit on the Internet, cause it's really not that hard to come by....

Check out you Kids Daycare Provider

2011-03-09T10:40:00.000-08:00

Ok so my husband always post news links on his Facebook page, and this one I feel like I really need to speak on.. the title of the article was "Sex Toys, Pornography, and Drugs Found in Pennsylvania Day Care"

Ok first watch the video, and you can find the story here BVBlackSpin

What the hell is really goings on here.I don't even know what to say, I mean around th kids??? Who?? What?? Why?? and nobody knew this lady was a drug dealer? I mean none of the parents knew? (Somebody knew but didn't care) Did they even check out this place out before they put their kids there? Did they check to see if she was even licensed with the state? I have so many Questions and not enough answers, and then in the story a where the mother was talking about I don't know where I'm gonna take my kids, shouldn't you be thanking God that your kids are ok. You will find another day care, it may take a minute, at least it should... because now you should make sure that the environment is safe. I'm just so confused none of the parents did an unexpected drop in. Did they visit the toy room, (more than just baby toys were in there) I just don't understand...
But I do know that the people running the daycare will have room waiting for they ass in the jail house....

Just ask...

2011-02-28T19:10:00.000-08:00

Now a days there is so much speculation about just Bullshit. And I'm so tired of all this shit. I don't hate anybody, I'm not mad at anybody, I'm not jealous of anybody and I'm not beefing with anybody. It's just that simple and if I say something or post something on MY facebook page, if you think it's about you Call me my number is on Facebook, or inbox me and I will tell you. and the funny thing is most of my stats are random. Or when I read somebody else's status I kinda piggy back off what in said in the responses.....When I post positive things it's ok. But as soon as I say something out of pocket I got be a hater. smh... but it is My Page, so I should be able to say what I want. Right?? there should be clause that says. Say what you want, as long as you are not offending people, or hating on people, or insulting people or point the finger on people, or placing the blame on people... you get the point

I don't even have time to be a hater or worry about what nobody else is doing. So please if you are reading this blog, please stop the inboxes, the text telling me this and that. I really don't care. Stop calling me with bullshit cause I really don't care.I don't do drama at all. I don't have the energy for this shit. I'm too busy working on a better Me, and more Fabulous Me, My Happy awaits me. it really does.

And when I get to My Happy, OMG it's gonna be so amazing to go along with all the other amazing things I have, like my daughter she is so amazing there are no words to describe her. My husband he's so amazing he a blessing to me. My son, even though he is a knuckle head, he is still amazing...

Right now I'm just in a transition stage, and I will be here for a while, because I have a lot of cleansing to do, with my mind, body and soul, but while I'm in this process, I don't hate anybody, I'm not mad at anybody and I'm not jealous of anybody, and I'm not beefing with anybody. Because if I was then I would never find my Happy.

So now I'm just gonna take a Facebook Break, from the drama, from people, from people.

and let me put this out here also, just because I'm choosing to work on me and revise my inner circle, doesn't mean I'm mad or upset, or beefing with anybody, nor does it mean that now I'm hating on people or don't want to see them happy or get ahead. I wish the best for everybody. I'm not a jealous hearted person by no means, never had and never will be.

All this means, is this situation no longer works for me, and I need to change somethings, and since the only person I can change is me, then that's who needs to be alone and be worked on. That's all I'm doing.

I Hope the Therapist can help me!

2011-02-15T16:59:00.001-08:00

I fell like nobody understands me. Or Nobody can really relate to who I am. I've made some choices to do things differently and sometimes I feel like I need to rethink these choices, even though I know they are better for me, or at least I think they are. What if I'm just giving up on things, or overreacting..(because I've heard that more than once). Why is it that I'm the one who always have to give in, or the one who people always do wrong, is it because they think or know I will forgive them. My mom did say people will forgive you before they give you permission.
Is that I'm just to sensitive, caring or compassionate about other people and that leaves me open to get hurt. Or is it I'm just the one who lets people run over them. If so then why do people say I'm mean, or too outspoken, or my favorite a bit much to deal with, or this one (which is new to me) I'm full of drama...lol

I'm so tired of not being about to trust people, because of all the times I've been hurt, or not being able to be who I really am, for the fear of people saying things like, oh she thinks she better than people, or she is too much. or having to hold back because somebody will take something I've said the wrong way and hold it against me instead of just saying something, or If I feel there is an issue I can't even address it because then I'm overreacting...

What happen to accepting people for who they are, and if you don't like who they are, then move around, and that's ok too...

I'm tired of having my feelings hurt and crying and trying to hold relationships together with out any substance. Tired of the bullshit, and the secrets. Tired of not being comfortable.

So that's why I got me a therapist. I really hope she can help me sort all of this out and get back my happy. Get to being the person I should be.

Now I'm not saying that I do no wrong, or that I'm perfect by no means, I have so many flaws I stopped counting...but I'm caring and I KNOW how to be a friend, I've proven this many times and still has been hurt...

I know people are gonna say you have a husband, and Yes I do and he is wonderful, but the only problem is not only can't he relate to my situation, he's bias...

A Much Needed Trip..

2011-02-15T16:48:00.000-08:00

Well I'm home from my trip to Alabama for my cousin's birthday, and boy I am so glad I was able to make it. My cousin who is like my Sister, the sister I never had. She is so wonderful, I love being in her company. We laughed and joked, we talked and vented. I was good to be around somebody who I KNOW will love me for me no matter what. Somebody who I didn't have to worry about if I said something that should would hold it against me or throw it back in my face later. She is so wonderful, beautiful inside and out. Her spirit....Her Spirit is so Genuine... We just had a ball the whole weekend. I love how we vibe...how we have so many things in common, how we can understand what's it's like to be a part of this crazy, dysfunctional family and still get along. No jealousy, no envy, no hate...just love...

While I was there I also met one of her friends in person. (We're facebook friends) and she is so Real it's ridiculous...and we hit it off instantly...and again, no jealousy, no envy, no hate.. just grown brown women getting along...Where they do that at....lol apparently in Alabama...

I love you Cousin/Sister...I wish we lived closer, but I promise we will not go that long without seeing each other ever again...

I'm so glad I had that time to just get away, see some new things, experience some new people....it was a much needed trip...

Naturally Beautiful???

2011-02-08T17:55:00.001-08:00

So lately on Facebook, (yes I'm always on Facebook) anyways, I had seen a lot of post from women, Brown women...basically saying that they don't need make up to be beautiful. And and women who wear make up is only pretty with make up on. I mean you should have seen the comments, I'm already cute I don't need make up, I wonder what her pillow looks like, if you already cute why do you need it, her man has prob never seen her with out it, etc...just foolishness...

Now my problem with this most of the women who made these comments wear a weave..hmmmm natural huh? NOT!! Cause people who don't wear weaves or who wear their hair natural could say, she wearing that weave to look cute, or she must be bald, or has her man ever seen her real hair, does she know what her real hair looks like, etc.

Now let me break it down like this, Make up enhances your natural beauty if you wear it right, just because you choose not to wear make up it doesn't make you prettier then the women who choose to. Same goes for women who chooses not to wear a weave/perm that doesn't make you prettier than women who choose to wear one, it enhances their beauty to if is done right...

I just don't get Brown women, why would you put down the next sister because she does something different than you...or because she see her beauty differently than you see yours. Basically you hating on her because of how she sees herself.....but why...but why??

So I'm gonna end this about talking about me, I use to wear a weave and a perm and now I'm all natural, I've been bald and I've had long hair, I'm beautiful any way...and I wear make up almost everyday, I love make up, I look fabulous with it and without it...

how you choose to express your beauty is your choice...

but until you can go out the house with no make up and no weave or chemical in your hair, no lashes, no fake nails, etc.... you may be beautiful but you are not natural!!...I'm just saying

Oh! and take a pic and post it on Facebook...

Show that you Care About your Child(ren) Education

2011-02-07T12:27:00.001-08:00

There is a misconception in the School System that Black People don’t care about their kids education, because as a whole we don’t come to school functions, we don’t participate in the PTA/PTO, or we don’t come out to Parent Teacher Conferences, but what needs to be realized is that most of us are single parents and a lot of us have multiple kids, and we have to work to provide for these kids, and sometimes our work schedule doesn’t permit us to be at the school when needed or sometimes we are just flat our tired.

Here are somethings that can help with this misconception.

1. Make sure your Child(ren)s teacher has your email addy.
2. Know your Child(ren)s teachers by name.
3. When you do have a day off, visit the school.
4. Set up Random meetings when the Teachers when you have time.
5. Take the time off of work to go to School Activities.
6. Show up at the Parent Teacher conference if you can't make sure you touch base with the teacher to let them know you can't make it.
7. Volunteer at School functions..

and of course make sure you kid is completing their homework, school work, has a good nights sleep, and breakfast in the morning...

I Got Me a Therapist.

2011-02-03T20:46:00.000-08:00

Well I have been going back and forth on if I should or should not go and talk with a Therapist, and I did, tonight was my first session of many..lol. but for real of many..I think I'm gonna like Ms. Rosella (that's her name) she's down to earth, brown and her spirit is beautiful...

Yeah this will be good for me, why you ask, well I have a lot of unresolved issues with my mom, and my sister, and whew these people I call friends, and whole bunch of other things and people and since the common denominator is me, then I need to work on Me. I know, I know I hide it so well...lol

Also for my daughter, I want to be the best mom I can be to her, and how can I build a wonderful relationship with my daughter when I have issues with my own mom...or how can I teach her how to pick friends when I'm not doing a good job of it myself...

Well we will see how this unfolds...I think it will be good for me...

and I know I will be just fine...I'm way to Fabulous not to be... ~_~

Random Thoughts!

2011-02-02T19:34:00.000-08:00

Ain't it funny the people you help are the ones that don't give a damn about you..

Nobody else can live with my family unless you are fucking my husband or he can claim you on his taxes..

Why do grown people get mad and delete you from their facebook page??

How come when you tell a person how you feel, they get in their feelings?

He only put up with you because of me...You do know that right...

I have met some really cool people on Facebook..

It feels good to me be...

My husband is my favorite person...

I love my kids...

I miss my son...

My daughter is just like me..I love it and hate it...

Do you really think I give a fuck that you deleted me? I wouldn't noticed if somebody else wouldn't told me..

So ready for a vacation...

I do not like my new phone...

Get a fucking life...

My husband is the best...

Taking a much needed trip...

love to laugh at haters...

I don't understand jealous people...

I'm way to Fabulous to hold grudges...

I am a forgiver...

Is so ready to move on with or without you...

I love me....

Feeling GOOD about my Choices..

2011-02-02T19:13:00.001-08:00

I'm feeling so much better and it can only get better from here. I have realized that you can't always count on people, to care or understand when things are important to you, even if you do that for them. This last week or so I have been doing a lot of soul searching, thinking and just letting a lot of stuff go, and revising my inner circle. I feel like I can be a better me with the choices I have made, I didn't make these choices to upset anybody or to hurt anybody, I made these choices for me and me alone. and I feel good about these choices.

Now over this week or so, I've heard a lot of things and noticed a lot of things, I've gotten somethings off my chest, I've cried and regrouped, reached out and listened, oh have I listened,and still I feel good about my choices.

I know somethings I will miss, not sure if I will be missed, but that's ok too...

I'm not finish finializing my choices, but I will be soon and I'm so excited about the things that lie ahead for me...

Loving me always...and you should too...

Taking Stock Of Your Friendships

2011-01-27T10:34:00.000-08:00

I was going thru my email and I came across this article I had sent out to a few people I considered friends a few years back. I had forgot about it, but I found it at the right time. When I tell you God works in Mysterious ways...I really needed to read this...so I though why not post it to your blog somebody else my need it too..

I believe that a person’s life is largely defined by the bonds they have made with the people around them, be it siblings, parents, children, co-workers or friends, the relationships and connections you form with those around you are very important. Those relationships either make you a better person and help to sustain you, or they can bring negative energy to your life.

Sometimes you need to take a look at your relationships with your friends and ask yourself if you are still getting what you need from them. Have your friendships grown with you? A major life change may have put you on this path of reflection and prompted a re-evaluation of your friendships -- maybe you got married, had a child, or moved. Maybe the re-evaluation was prompted by changes in your friends’ behavior. Did they stop calling you or inviting you out? If you are feeling like you are being treated differently, you can’t understand why, and it bothers you, those are probably clues that it’s time to re-evaluate a friendship.
This is often difficult to do since it gets harder to make new friends as we get older, we either hang on to the ones we have (come hell or high water) or when we do let a friendship go, we usually don’t replace the friend, shrinking our inner circle. We’re more likely to do relationship inventory when it comes to our romantic life, but it is equally important, if not more so, to do it when it comes to our friendships. After all, friendships stand the test of time more often than romantic relationships do.

When our inner circles shrink, we might realize that the friendships we made in your youth were not necessarily formed out of common interests or shared goals. In our youth we might have gravitated towards the people who were around us, simply because they were there. As we grow and really discover who we are, we might realize our friendship wasn’t built on anything substantive which may make it harder to maintain. A person you once felt comfortable sharing most things with you might not necessarily trust with your feelings anymore. Someone you felt you could talk to openly about everything, may become the person you feel judges you the most.
Whatever scenario you might be experiencing the bottom line is people change and the relationships surrounding those people do to. It doesn’t mean that you will no longer be friends with your girl from the 3rd grade; it just means that you will have a different type of friendship with her. For better or worse, all things do happen for a reason. You realize things about yourself, you realize things about the world around you, but most importantly you realize that although it may be hard to make new friends keeping a network of support is something every woman should have in her arsenal. Life is too tricky to navigate without a support system!
Here are some suggestions to help you get the most out of your friendships:

1.If you start seeing tell tale signs of a friendship going in the wrong direction, don’t ignore them! Those are your re-evaluation indicators. Brushing things under the rug only leads to more complications. Address the issues early on by starting with a simple conversation (in the medium of your choosing) and going from there. The worse thing you can do is to let something that bothers you fester, it just makes it worse, it builds inside of you, and then you explode.

2. Leave a paper trail! Make a list of everyone you have considered a friend over the past few years and rank where your relationship with each person stands. Are you happy with it? Maybe you don’t talk to someone as much as you used to but you actually prefer it that way. Be honest with yourself about where folks stand with you.

3. Make a goal for each friend. Do you want to spend more time with a particular person? Is there someone you think is cool but haven’t invested the time in getting to know better? What do you hope to accomplish with each friendship?

4. Different friends have different purposes. You can have hang out friends, workout friends, book club friends, friends you travel with, and bare-your-soul to friends. We are past the stage in our lives where the same women need to fulfill all of those roles. Men are quite good at having different boys for different things so we need to take a page from their book.

5. Think about how you have changed and how that has contributed to the changes in other parts of your life. If the changes you have made with yourself make you happy and you want them to continue, the changes in your other relationships will follow suit.

6. Sometimes a friendship does need to end but people aren’t always honest enough to express that. This is usually when you see the change in behavior patterns. Saying ‘I don’t see the point in being friends anymore’ or ‘let’s take a break from this friendship’ might be very hard to verbalize (especially if you have known someone for a very long time). You get used to having certain people around, which is normal, but it is much better to let a friendship go than to treat someone you have shared so much history with in hurtful or inappropriate ways.

7. Just because a friendship has to end, doesn’t mean that it has to end badly. You can go your separate ways and know that you will always love that friend and that for a period of your life they were the constant that made things better when you were down and out.

8. Sometimes things are cyclical, there is a reason and a season for everything. Just because a specific friendship withered away doesn’t mean that it won’t bloom again. You might just really need a break. Like all things in life, if it is meant to be, it will be and if it isn’t then it was good that relationship ended.

9. Try to remember that sometimes the changes in your relationships may not even be specifically about you. Your presence might remind someone of a bad time period in their life, one they would rather forget. In order to leave those memories in the past and to move on with their future, it might be easier or better for that person to stop associating with you. If a part of someone’s happiness is predicated on letting go of the weaker times in their life and that means you too, be happy that they are a stronger, happier, more confident person and move on.

10. Don’t get stuck in your own stuff! Sometimes we get so caught up in our own feelings, it is hard for us to think through someone else’s feelings. Being able to process how your words and actions make other people feel will not only make you a better friend, but a better person.

The importance of positivity in your relationships is the number one goal in all of this. Surround yourself with people who you feel have your best interest at heart. Equally essential, surround yourself with people who know that you have their best interest at heart. You don’t want the negative energy that comes from people who think you are out to do them wrong. If you are friends with someone where your negative feelings about them outweigh the good, let it go. It’s 2009, the perfect time to decide what you want from yourself and those around you. Make your life a happy, peaceful, and prosperous place. Good luck yall

This is ME!

2011-01-26T20:28:00.000-08:00

All I can be is Me. I am Fabulous very Fabulous
I love to be the Center of attention
I like things to go my way
(that doesn't mean they always do though, and I'm ok with that too).
I like to be seen. I am a in your face kind of person
I always have something to say, let me say that again
I ALWAYS have something to say, and I don't candy coat shit
(if you don't want to hear what I have to say, just say you don't, I CAN just listen)
I know I am Beautiful, yeah I'm a tad bit conceited, yet down to earth.
I know my mouth can be out of control.
I know my attitude can get bitchy real quick.
Now I know this can be a bit much sometimes.....ok a lot of times
And
I'm pretty sure people who know me can add to the list ~_~
(and I'm good with that too)

Now with all this said
I am a good person, I am good friend
I love who I am, so I won't be changing anytime soon

and all I ask if for people to accept me for who I am
Because at the end of the Day all I can be is ME!

I'm Emotionally Drained or Distraught...one of the two...

2011-01-25T10:53:00.001-08:00

I thought it would be better by today, I mean it's getting there and I know it will get better but I'm still hurt...

ok let's go back a couple of days on Sunday 01/23/11 2 days after my birthday, after the events that happened on Friday and Saturday which I'm not even gonna touch on (My Birthday and the day after) I woke up on Sunday an emotional mess, I just couldn't stop crying after thinking about the things we've been thur as friends, close friends, in 2-3 short years, and it's painful very painful. now I'm not saying I do no wrong, but I'm a good fucking friend period!! and I've shown that in more ways then one, I always forgive people no matter what they do or say to me, now my prob is I don't forget....but I don't forgive them for them, I forgive them for me, cause I'm way to Fabulous to hold grudges, I'm not gonna go all in the shit that has transpired over these very few years, but I know that I need to do something different. I'm not ending the friendships I'm just revising it, because this right here is not working out for me.

There's no need to try and talk about this, because then I'm being self centered, and I don't care about other people feelings, or I'm playing the victim, or I don't see others point of view and so on.... and we've done that a couple of times before, and the situation never changes, I use to think we were moving forward but now I look back, we haven't moved anyway but over the issue, just so another issue can surface...and when I get to a point where I'm crying something has to change and the only person that can make that happen is ME!

I think we've grown apart and nobody wants to say it. and that's ok too, all friendship weren't suppose to last forever. I mean your friend ain't always your sister and your sister ain't always you friend. and that's ok too...at least with me it is...

So like I said I'm not ending the friendships, I'm just revising it. I'm gonna take some time out to just do Me. I'm gonna start doing a lot of things by myself, Open up my inner circle, do somethings I haven't done before...you know just something new and different...because that has to be better then what is going on currently....

January 21, 2011....

2011-01-23T08:59:00.000-08:00

Anybody who knows me, know that I LOVE BIRTHDAYS, especially mine. So with that said, my 38th birthday was 01/21/11, and I have been talking it up all month, because January is MY Birthday Month! and it's like this every single year, and has been for years!!!!!!

For those who don't know let me kinda give you an idea on how big this is for me, When the New Year comes in, that's when I start, I tell any and everybody who will listen it's My Birthday Month, my family, my co workers, people on the street, people at the mall (cause I'm usually at the mall shopping cause it's my Birthday Month). I change my phone ringer to some kind of birthday song, if somebody does something I don't like or agree with, my response is "Do they know it's my birthday month...lol and so forth so you kinda get the pic, my birthday is a big deal round these parts...

Now this Birthday was special to me because, in the last 2 yrs I have been thru so much, with Cancer, Chemo, Radiation, 2 major major surgeries and another lighter surgery, AND I got shot in Sept 2010. So it's a blessing to be here to even celebrate this birthday, I could have died from Cancer, bled to death in any one of my surgeries, caught an infection, or been shot dead....

For my birthday I usually kick it every weekend in January, but this year I decided not to, and there are others I know who also share this birthday month, so I did their thing with them on their day...but that's not unusual for me cause I love birthdays no matter who they belong too...I'll come kick with you for your birthday...

ok so My Birthday was on a Friday 1/21/11, I didn't work, We took my daughter and niece to breakfast before school, I had a massage, the hubs and I went to lunch, and friend of mine met us there. I did a little shopping, I collected some gifts, people were texting me, So many people post Happy Birthday on Facebook wall I couldn't even keep up...The day was just Fabulous just like me, I'm smiling it's my Birthday why wouldn't I smile, I was going out that night I had a new fit, man just Wonderful...Shit it's my Birthday...

Well it was going good for the most part, the first venue we went to it was a concert of local artist doing a cancer benefit, Of course I’m going it’s My Birthday and I’m a Cancer Survivor. But one my closet friends/sister told me she wasn't going to be able to make it, so I was bummed out by that but I kept it rolling…My husband was going, and 2 of my other friends, and one of these friends is the best friend/sister, so I’m good, right??? I’m ready to kick it…the hubs, the BF and myself arrive about 7:45, my other friend gets there about 8. The vibe of the place is good me and the friend (not the BF) we dancing, drinking taking pics, my husband is in too the vibe, everybody BUT the BF. She is sitting in a Chair texting or whatever all night I might add. So I don’t say nothing I’m still doing my thing,..they have a presentation for the Survivors that’s at the event (not me) but I’m cool with that…but my friend wasn’t,(again not the best friend - Does she know it's my Birthday???) she told the host of the event that is was my birthday and I was a Cancer survivor so he announced that, and called me up on stage to dance, do you know the BF did not move out of the chair, now I’m getting my dougie on for about 5-7 mins, she took no pics or nothing, how you not take a pic of the Birthday girl....now is it me or should that have been all over Facebook???

But the friend took pics and video all night, and even the couple pics the BF is in, she is in this damn chair, and I had to go over to her…Did she know it was my birthday??? Maybe she didn’t, hmph…but anyways that’s kinda how that part of the night played out, oh and let me say that we were there until 10:00 pm, and she was in the chair the whole time..….. I did enjoy myself though, I just wished the person who is Supposed to be the BF would have acted like she wanted to be there…I guess she came just say she was there…whateva Dude…

So the second venue we went to was this restaurant/bar. My Close Friend/Sister who didn’t or couldn’t make the first venue showed up there. And my daughter’s God Mother came, but I knew she was gonna be late…and one my husband’s co workers came. We talking good shit eating an drinking, at least most of us…I kinda got an attitude from what happened at the last venue but I don’t act like it cause it’s my Birthday and I want to kick it…so I lose the attitude and enjoy the festivities…I’m looking at my gifts and just having a good ole time…and then again, I get disappointed, I knew my daughter’s god mother would leave early she always leave early when we go out, she was giving my friend a ride home so she left early also around 1….Now I was expecting my 2 sisters to stay til close, which is 2 am. But they left at 1 too, Oh WOW ain’t that some shit???…Did they know it was my birthday??? Any other time they would have stayed. Because we’ve done it many, many times before...but it's cool oh trust me when I say it's cool... OHHHHH did I need to mention the friend I just met her on Halloween 2010 and she caught a cab in -20 weather to come kick it with me for My Birthday. riiiiggghhht!

Now I know things come up, family, money issues, you know life etc, but the person I am I would have made sure I had the means to be available to them on their birthdays especially the people I call my sisters...

90 Girls Pregnant...Please educate your kids...

2011-01-14T18:13:00.000-08:00

This story brung tears to my eyes and I'm confused on how it got this far before the people in this school, this community decided to do something. I mean when it was 20 girls, nobody thought it was a a prob, what about 50 girls, but now at 90 they want to take action. How about the fact that it is a High School with horny teenagers they should have already had some kind of action in place.

I mean are they or should I say we not educating our kids. Are we not giving them the tools they need to prevent this, like the shot, birth control, condoms, and educate them on how to use these items. How about educate them period. Book wise and Sexually. Because if there's this many girls pregnant, what kind of STD's are going around this community. I see that Questions hasn't even been raised. and why I'm on questions has anyone even questioned these babies to see why so many are pregnant, to see why they want to be pregnant, cause at 90 girls pregnant these are not all accidents. Not only doe they need to be question and educated, they need someone to listen to them, because this is a cry for help, a loud cry. And most of the time is a cry for love, they feel like they are not being loved, so they go looking for love, and think having a baby is the answer because the baby will love them.

I pray for this school and this community, that they find a solution to this epidemic. I know that teen pregnancy will never go away. But this right here is not common at all....

2011-01-13T19:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday on Facebook, (yes I'm always on Facebook) I came across a post on a friends page and on his post he said, he wants to apologize to all the women in his past he lied to, smashed and passed along and some other stuff, basically for being a dog. All because he found out his wife was pregnant with a baby girl. So I asked him if he were having a boy would he have apologized and said no, he would teach him the way of the master, or something like that...

So now I'm thinking when men dog out women in their younger years, do they think that when they have a girl, she will or might be getting dogged out to. Or by apologizing, will they some how shield her from the hurt and the lies of men? Interesting.

So when women are hoes or hoeing, and they have a girl, do they think their daughter will do the same thing or is it just a man thing.

And when these such men have boys, do they want them to be a dog, and to lie and hurt young girls? hmmmm apparently they do, cause this is not the first time I heard something like this. Why is it Men will teach game to their son's but not their daughters. It seem like to me you would want your daughter to be up on game so she don't get game ran on her...

I mean did you ever think that's what's wrong with most women these days, growing up nobody ever taught them the game and they end up falling for the oke doke over and over again, because they have this false sense of what the world really is. You do know your daughter can be a princess, sweet and portray to be innocent and still be up on game.

Maybe if we taught our daughters that men will lie, cheat, and make you feel like you're the only one when you're not. And tell them that girls you consider your friend may hurt you, lie on you, fuck your man, stab you in the back and still smile in your face. And sometimes this girl may be you......

If we equip our daughters with the rules of the games, and how it feels when a boy you like touches you, and how it feels when someone pressures you for sex, and tell him that if he loved you he would want to wear a rubber, or don't get mad when he calls you a bitch just smile and say it's cool I'm still beautiful, or it's ok just to be friends with him, you don't have to be his girlfriend, and teach her how to fight just in case she runs into an abusive man...oh the list goes on and on..but if we did these things, maybe just maybe the percentage of stupid women will go from 80 to 25....

and even knowing all this she can still be a Princess, just not a dumb Princess...

Light Skinned vs Dark Skinned Party....WTF!!

2011-01-13T18:29:00.000-08:00

So I frequently read www.essence.com and I came across this story. Light skinned vs dark skinned party causes Twitter upset. So instantly I was reading this story in awe, apparently some party promoters in Ohio thought this would be a good idea and it's suppose to be on my Birthday (1/21/11). And the whole time I'm thinking Oh Wow is this shit for real. So what did I do I posted it on my facebook to see if I was the only one who thought this was bullshit, but apparently I wasn't, I was so bothered by it I posted it again the next day just in case someone didn't see it. The responses I got were kinda what I expected but let me go into why I think it's bullshit...

Well me I'm considered light skinned, but I wish I was darker like Naomi Campbell dark, (but that's me) and it's not like I don't think I'm beautiful as I am, because I know I am, or it's not like I think light skinned girls are unattractive it's just my preference...

so now with that out the way...this light skinned vs dark skinned shit is just degrading to the Black race, we have enough self hate going on that we don't need anybody to exploit it. Especially black women, when you are light skinned, you hear stuff like, you are not black enough, Are you mixed with something, damn you light, high yella, red bone or my all time favorite light, bright damned near white...and I'm not even that light, or am I??

And I know that people talk about dark skinned women, my only sister is darker than I am, and not by a little bit, my youngest niece is nice and chocolate, and that's ok too...just the other day at work, I said to a girl you are very pretty, she is a dark skinned girl, and her comment to me was, most people tell me I'm cute to be a dark skinned girl. I said no baby you're cute no matter what color you are. I know that people call dark women African like dark women are not born in America. Or ashy black, or oh she good and black, or some other disrespecting thing, I don't know them all because I've never been dark...

Even the media hypes up being light skinned like it's so much better to be light than dark. hmph I'm here to tell you it's not. I don't understand how we all brown and we don't like each other because of our skin tone, how you can you be racist against your own race. Every since I was in grade school, I've had girls not want to be friend with me because of how I looked. I was the light skinned girl with long hair who thought she was cute...(First off I'm not that light, but I am cute)or people assumed I'm stuck up, now I'm a tad be conceited but never stuck up, I'm so down to earth...or my favorite one, he only likes her cause she light skinned...again bullshit....

ok I'm getting emotional so I'm gonna end it with this...

If any brown person male or female supports this whole light skinned vs dark skinned party, they need to be slapped for real, for real...and they might as well call it
House Nigga's vs Field Nigga's I'm just saying

We're only 2 yrs apart...really..

2011-01-04T19:40:00.001-08:00

So the other day we were in the kitchen, I was cooking, my husband was at the counter on his computer and our daughter was at the table on her computer. Then out of no where she asks "Mommy how old were you when you met Daddy?" I said I was 20, then my husband says I was 18, my daughter had this shocking look on her face and say daaaang momma, Daddy was 18. I said you do know I'm older than Daddy, She said yeah but not thaaat old.lol...I was like um it's only 2 yrs...but she wasn't trying to hear it, she made me feel like I was Vivica Fox or something....lol

Am I Adopted?

2011-01-01T18:30:00.000-08:00

I often wonder if I'm really this lady's child the one they call my mom. I mean I don't look like her, I don't act like her, sometimes I don't even like her, we have nothing in common, I don't really even like talking to her most of the time. I don't even feel a connection to her, I mean if she is really my mom shouldn't I feel a connection to her, I love her, at least I think I do...I feel like I could go on and never deal with her again, her or her other child, but that's a whole nother situation....

I mean the way she treats me or have treated me over the years, now don't get me wrong it hasn't been all bad, but it's been about 50/50 but if she is my mother should the good and the bad be even?? I would feel like a failed parent if either one of my babies said that about me...

I don't even feel like I am her child, or like I even belong to this family. My mom and her other daughter are like best friends, they kick it together, they go to church together, out to eat together and shop...now I do live in another state and trust me when I tell you it's better that way, but when I did live there, me and my mom or her daughter never did these things together. We would met at moms house and stuff like that, but extra curricular things never, even when I go home to visit, I don't even want to deal with them but I do because we are family, or that's what I'm told....

I'm just so tired of dealing with the bullshit, the drama, the jealousy, being the black sheep, getting my feelings hurt, biting my tongue, because she is my mom, being disrespected, unappreciated and so on. This lady, she is selfish and doesn't care about anybody but herself, she never says she sorry, admits that she is wrong,nor thinks that she does wrong, and I'm tired.

I mean how am I suppose to be able to build a healthy mother daughter relationship with my daughter, if I don't even know how one functions. But I have to break the cycle, cause apparently my mom didn't get along with her mom, me and my sister have a dysfunctional relationship with our mom, and my nieces relationship with their mom is non existing (yeah my mom's other daughter is their mom) so it's up to me to break the cycle, I refuse to have my daughter resent me or not like me, or feel like she can't talk to me like I'm the enemy, that would break my heart (unlike my mom).

My kids are the most precious thing in the world to me. My son and I have a great relationship, I love him and he loves me, he's 20 now and he still loves me, and he knows I'm have his back 100%, I have will stand by him no matter what and I've proven that to him many times before, I have never felt like this with my mom. My Princess is 7 and this relationship is hard for me, because of the relationship I have with my mom, but I refuse to let that shape what me and my daughter has or will have, she will know like her brother does, that mommy will always love her and have her back, I will always be there for her, I will always support her and I will never disappoint her, she will know she can talk to me about anything, even on those days when she feels like she doesn't have a friend in the world she can call on her mom...Me!

but I still wonder Am I adopted, if I were, it would answer so many questions...

It's Officially My Birthday Month.....1.21.11

2011-01-01T15:30:00.000-08:00

Well if you know me, have known me in the past, or have just met me, You already know It's my Birthday Month. I love my birthday, my mom said I have been excited about my birthday every since I realized I had one...lol. sooooo why stop now???

Well since I'm not stopping I might as well talk about it more...I am so excited, why you ask, Because I am going to see Ms. Lauryn Hill 1.18.11, and I'm gonna be like a strait groupie, singing all the songs, jumping up and down and dancing, and I will be up front, but there will be NO crying..my make up may run and I'm way to Fabulous for that..lol but I'm excited...

Also I gonna order me some boots from www.amiclubwear.com if you like shoes/boots you should check it out, and they have cute clothes too.

Also I'm gonna have a small get together at the house, just a couple of friends, you know play some Spades, Dominoes and Apple to Apples, I love Apples to Apples, (if you've never played you need to get on it), of course their will be food, but Bring Your Own Drink... and bring me some Moscato please and thank you...

Did I mention it's My Birthday Month...1.21.11

Happy New Year....

2011-01-01T15:04:00.000-08:00

It's a new year, so what does that mean hmmmmmm??? Well for one people will start with these bullshit resolutions. Resolutions that won't even make it to February lol..but who am I to shoot down their Resolutions. Well the New Year for me, I'm gonna take it one day and a time, I've been on a emotional roller coaster for about 2 yrs now, with Cancer (chemo, radiation, and 3 surgeries), My son going to Jail, being shot, and just everyday life of being a mom and a wife, so this year, I'm just gonna take it day by day and hope for the best. One thing I am gonna put an effort to is posting to my blog more, and even try video blogging, especially since I got my new computer from the hubs for Christmas and it has a web cam, so we will see how it goes. But before I end this post, I am gonna go thru some random thoughts for the New Year...

Here goes...

Do people really think I'm a punk?

Sometimes I feel like I don't have friend in the world?

Am I the Black Sheep?

I really miss my son?

My daughter is really amazing?

It's hard for me to trust....and forget?

Am I really a good friend? yeah I am!

I have learned only to give advice to people who ask for it!

I give damn good advice.

People don't respect my honesty?

I am a really good friend!

I can be raw and uncut.

So why is it so hard to find new friends? or just to meet new people?

I really like Facebook.

Will I get more followers on this blog?

My husband is wonderful.

It's my Birthday Month.

A new pair of shoes would be nice..

I'm gonna be the same person in 2011 that I was in 2010, so take it or leave it...

Have a Happy and Prospersous New Year love Ms. Miko...Smooches!

Brown, Blessed and Beautiful...

2010-12-06T11:05:00.000-08:00

So I'm in the process of starting a new venture to help Brown Girls. I feel that a lot of our young brown women are so lost in this world, with no body to talk to, or to listen to them. And that will be the main focus for Brown, Blessed and Beautiful.

The Venture will basically be focus groups, focusing on Self-Esteem, Friendships, Self Love, Love, Appearance, etc. Basically just things to help out with all the issues and insecurities of life. The Focus groups will be a NO Judgement Zone!! Cause we all have issues of some sort, Lord knows I do. But I believe this will be good for me and my daughter and other Brown women.

A Video Blog

2010-12-06T11:02:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking about starting a Vlog (Video Blog) I'm kinda indecisive about it, because I feel like I don't have the time to write on this blog as it is. So would a video blog be better? hmmmm, I don't know yet, but I'm gonna to pray and ponder and see what the new year brings.

The Damn Fed Ex Dude!!

2010-10-29T12:50:00.000-07:00

So earlier this week my husband ordered a phone from the AT&T website. The phone was suppose to arrive on Tues via Fed EX, now we both work 1st shift, so he left a note stating to leave the package on the door. So he checked the status of the phone’s whereabouts and on the FedEX website it said “Delivered at 2:47pm. Left in do per nice note.” Now the hubs get’s off work at 3:00 so he got home less than an hour of the delivery, and when he get’s there, guess what NO Phone…WTF, where is it?? I call him on my break from work asking how was the new phone and he says it’s not here, I’m like hold on didn’t the website say he delivered it? He said Yeah. So we call Fed Ex and they say they will investigate it, We call AT&T to let them know we didn’t get the phone, I know what you’re thinking maybe somebody stole it…Yeah that somebody was the damn Fed Ex dude, cause if he would have left in in the damn door like he was suppose to nobody would have seen it, the box isn’t that big and you can’t see thru the bottom of the screen door. So Now!! So I suspected him from the get go. His ass noted the acct like that, just so he can say I did leave it, or else how did I see the note…

So AT&T said wait until Fed Ex do their investigation and then they will do one and send out another phone. Fed Ex was suppose to do their investigation the next day and call the hubs back. So now it’s Wed and no call from Fed Ex, The hubs said when he got home from work he would call them to see whassup. He gets home and low and behold guess what’s there, the damn phone. Now tell me that damn Fed EX dude didn’t have the phone, he thought he was gonna get away with it, but when he found out we were getting it investigated he got spooked and brung it the next day!

Born Again Virgin??

2010-10-23T05:43:00.000-07:00

So I'm reading trying to come up with something to post, because I have been having writers block. So I'm searching the web and I come across this topic Born Again Virgin, and the reason why it interest me is because we were just talking about this at work..(I know interesting work talk huh??) Well it came up because a co worker said she had been Celibate for 2 yrs. Another co worker said "you're a born again Virgin" So me with my mouth said First off she hasn't been born again, and once you have sex that's it, you are no longer a Virgin, period.

So let me get into why I feel this way. Well first of all it's a fact a Virgin is someone who has not had sexual intercourse. That's pretty to the point. Now if you decide to become Celibate, meaning you are not engaging in sex, that's good for you, but you are not a Virgin! There is no way that you could be. It's not like you can turn back the time, and reverse all the sexual escapades you were in, or like you can give back all those amazing feelings you have during sex. There is not way you can now cut your connections to the people you let embrace you, and caress you and penetrate you or that you penetrated. Sex is not a trial run, like oh I'm gonna have sex for a while and see how this plays out then, and if it doesn't work the way you want it, you can automatically be a Virgin again....

But that' just how I feel, what do I know...

Black Women and Our Relationship Status....

2010-10-17T18:31:00.000-07:00

Ok I have been going back and forth on whether I should touch this topic, because I posted a couple of links on my facebook page, (I'll get into them later in this post) and it got way out of hand, people were calling names, and or getting offended. So like I said I've been going back and forth and I decided on doing so because, I'm a Black Women and this is my BLOG, and you don't like what I say then Whatever this is Me...but your comments are welcome...lol

So about 2 weeks or so ago I posted these 2 stories on my blog. Now I didn't write these I just came across them via Madam Noire, it's a site I visit frequently now.

The first one was 8 reasons you might consider dating a white man, and it was interesting how people see things, and then the next day I posted 8 reasons you might consider dating a white woman, and OMG it really got out of hand, I'm not gonna go all into what was said but if you want to see, you can find it in my links section on my facebook page. But now that I go back and read the comments it seemed like no one actually read the article. DUH! Because if they did, I think the whole conversation, would have went a whole different way, (hmmm maybe but who knows)...because both the articles were degrading to BLACK PEOPLE nobody else...and if you decide to read allll those post keep in mind, I did delete a couple to try to keep confusion down, but apparently that didn't...

Since these controversial post, I have been searching the net, and the more I search the more I get irritated, because there are numerous articles out there, that ask some kind of question to why Black women are not married, why black men don't want us, Have we given up on black men, and so forth..

So Before I get into what I have to say, This is my Disclaimer

These are MY views, and I've only dated black men so that's all I can speak on. I know there are a lot of people who believe that Love knows no color, and that's just fine, but mine does and my love's color of choice is BLACK!

ok now that that's out the way...

Why are they (whomever they are) so damn worried and or concern about Black Women and our Relationship Status. Why is it every body's business who and or when we decid to date...

First off there is the misconception of women especially black women that we all want to be married, FYI that shit ain't true, some of us do, some of us are and are married to black men, some of us are married to man of a different race, and some of us love the single life. How hard is that to understand.

All black women have not been hurt to a point where we are bitter, demanding and vindictive... now there are some out there, but also there are some in other races too..you do know that we are also sweet, innocent, respectful and knows how to handle things, yes it's true...

All Black women don't have kids out of wedlock, Let me say that again, All black women DO NOT have kids out of wedlock...and while I'm on this let also add some of us have only 1 baby Daddy, so please stop acting like it's unheard of...and best believe for as many single black mothers, there are just as many in other races too..

All Black women DO NOT date thugs, yeah it's true, we are not all attracted to the thug life, some of us are, but some us like white collar workers, blue collar workers, with or with out benefits...

and Oh yeah A lot of us do Believe in Black Love, yep I said it, A LOT OF US DO BELIEVE IN BLACK LOVE....and it DOES EXIST! and it has not just come into play, I mean where in the hell do you think all these black people came from, we did not fall out the fucking sky, we were not created in a damn Lab, we got here the same way all the other races got here, from our parents (yes we have parents) having sex and we came out of our Mother's Coochie....

Oh and my most favorite, Why Black Men don't want Black Women, now this is kinda funny, why you ask, is because How can you not want us, We are so powerful, strong, and Confident on top of being Beautiful. That's how we were born, and over the years of being mistreated by the media, and other races, and men, we continue to be Strong and Confident in who we are, Even though we are put down by other black women, by black men, by all other races, we still continue to be Strong and Confident, and Beautiful..

So I say to this to my Beautiful Black Sisters, with your big lips, nappy hair, big butts, big titties, your light, medium, or dark skin, Fuck what people say and think about you, Keep Doing what You do, Because you do it oh so well...

AND these so called new slogans like MY Black is Beautiful, and Black girls Rock...Let me say this, Black has been Beautiful for years, and will continue to be, and we did not just start Rocking...Where have you been???

How to do a Self Breat Exam...

2010-10-17T18:10:00.000-07:00

Well this is just an informational piece, I've included a link to show you how to do your Self Breast Exams, in case you're not sure on how to do them

How to Do your Self Breast Exam
There are also videos on you tube for those who are visual.

I hope this helps some one.

This Brought Me To Tears...

2010-10-17T17:14:00.000-07:00

When I came across this story, just the title alone "4yr old Battle Breast Cancer" brought tears to my eyes, and I just kept thing, Oh My she is a Breast Cancer Survivor at 4 yrs old, and people always say to me oh you're young, Breast Cancer is usually found in older women. Well at 4yrs old I am the older woman at age 37.

Now I know that their are kids that have many types of Cancer. And they undergo Chemotherapy, and all the effects that go with that, and that even is also touching to me, because I know first hand how Chemotherapy can effect you, mentally and physically, and to think of a child going thru is really saddens me.

Fortunately in this case this little 4yr old girl didn't need to undergo Chemotherapy, but she did have to have a mastectomy and have some of her lymph nodes removed. Now think 4 yrs old and having to have your breast or breast tissue, cause at 4 YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE BREAST YET!!! So do you really know what it means to this little princess, that she will never grow a breast on that side. Let me say that again, she will never be able to grow a breast on that side...OMG I'm in tears just thinking about that, can you imagine that, of yourself, or your daughter. As young girls that' a right of passage, some of us can barely even wait until our breast start to grow.

OK now that I've read about Aleshia Hunter (that's her name) I started to google children with Breast Cancer, and I came across some shocking stories, about young girls being breast Cancer survivors.

So my question is, even though it is rare for a child to get Breast Cancer, but it's not unheard of, why is it that they won't allow women to get Mammograms until age 40? hmmmm something to think about, well I will look into that and get back with you.

Now not only do you need to do your monthly self breast exams,
but you need to check your daughter's breast too.

Ladies this is real
Cancer can Kill
If you have Breast Tissue YOU ARE AT RISK!

Early Detection is key to your survival
Please, Please be aware of what goes on with your and your child(ren)'s bodies.

My Morning Biscuit!

2010-10-15T16:25:00.000-07:00

For those who know me, know I love a biscuit. So every now and then I will go to McDonalds for breakfast, and get a #4 with cheese. So this morning was one of those mornings, I stopped at the McDonalds close to my job, the drive up line was way to long so I decided to go in. I go in and OMG what did I see, this man, a black man, prob mid to late 40's (maybe even early 50's) at the register. Now picture this he had on some diamonds (prob not real) but diamond earrings that were so bigh that you could see from across the street, a blinged out bracelet on one arm and a blinged out watch on the other arm, at least 2 rings all shiney, and a diamond (prob not real again)his chain that was tucked in his shirt, but you could see the medallion through his shirt...I was in shock, shock I tell you looking at this man, but I had my phone out. You should have seen me trying to get his pic without him seeing me, but unfortunely I wasn't successful...

~Sorry~

So while I'm line, I'm thinking to myself, why would even come to work looking like that..Do he know he work at McDonalds, hold on Does he know he at work...I mean did they hire him like that...lol

Then it's my turn to order, He says "I can help you" I said "No I'm good, I will wait on her" (pointing at the white lady) and whole time I'm thinking to myself I will not be served by the stero type.....

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

2010-10-13T19:29:00.000-07:00

Yes it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and I hope you are Thinking Pink.

Well I have a Testimony and I love to share it people so they will know how real Breast Cancer is, because unless you have been directly effected by it, or personally know someone who has, then you have no idea of how it really is, or what is really is...

So here is part of my Testimony...and if you have time one day, look back over my blog, because you see my glory but you don't know my story, but you can read about it in this blog....(along with some other things)

On April 09, 2009 I was diagnosed with stage 3 Breast Cancer at the age of 36. I was lost, confused and unsure of what was in my future, but I decided early on I wouldn't be depressed and trust in God, for one because it wouldn't change my situation and for two, if for some reason I wasn't gonna beat this, I wanted my daughter's memories of me to be happy ones.
I have been thru chemotherapy (April 14,2009 - July 28, 2009) a double mastectomy (Aug 17, 2009), radiation therapy (Sept 14, 2009 - Oct 28, 2009), and reconstruction surgery (March 10, 2010). Also I went 7 months with no breast, about 6 months completely bald, meaning no hair at all, no eyelashes, no eyebrows, no hair at all. Now 18 months later and I'm Cancer Free but still Fighting the Fight, because it CAN come back.

Now I'm here to tell you Breast Cancer knows no age, sex, or color, if you have breast you are at risk, men and women, and you don't have to have a family history of Breast Cancer for it to develop. So Please, Please, do your monthly self Breast Exams, if you are old enough get your mammograms. Early detection is key to survival, let me say that again Early detection is key to survival. I stress that because I was in stage 3, and there is no stage 5, so I was almost to late. If you think you feel a lump GO TO THE DOCTOR!!

My name is Tamiko Edwards and I am a Breast Cancer Survivor.... I'm Fine, Fierce, Fabulous and a Fighter.. Thanking Jesus everyday! and Thinking Pink too!

So while you are Thinking Pink stop by these sites

www.thebreastcancersite.com click everyday to help fund mammograms for women who can't afford them or with no insurance and you can also buy Breast Cancer items here.

www.aabca.com this is the African American Breast Cancer Alliance (also check them out on facebook. This is the support group I'm apart of, I love those women...and if you are in Minnesota, AABCA will be having a Breast Cancer Survivor Gala...the info is on the site..

So Much has happened!!

2010-10-13T19:25:00.000-07:00

Well it's been 7 months since I've posted, and boy a lot has happened...I'm not gonna go all into what has happened over the 7 months, but I will touch on some things that I feel are important to my readers,(hopefully I still have some)...

Well to start I am beyond blessed God has truly been covering me with his blood, and I thank him for his Grace and Mercy...

Um last time I posted I think I was still bald and beautiful and now I'm happy to say I HAVE HAIR!!! and it's all natural, I had always loved natural hair, but was scared to go with out my relaxer, but when you have been bald for hmmmmm 6 or 7 months, you realize hair, is just that hair, and what better time to be natural than the present...at least that's how I feel...

Also I've come back to work again...and let's just say that's going....

oh yeah before I go into this I want to say Thank You Jesus, for sparing my life...well back on Sept 6, 2010 me and my sissy Nile was out, Downtown Minneapolis, we went to the Blackout, but we ended up leaving 30 minutes earlier cause these girls were fighting...so we leave, we on the block talking to some people we know, you just kicking it, then some people started fighting down the block, then they started shooting and guess who got hit...Me Me Me, yep right in my new breast on the right side...whew I'm gonna stop here with this story, but I won't stop praising God, he is has been so good to me, cause by what the doctor said, if that bullet would have been 3 inches to the left, I prob wouldn't be here....Thank you Jesus...

Ok I guess that's enough to get caught up to date...even though I left a lot of stuff out, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't remember most of it, so it's better left unsaid...

oh by the way

It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month
Do your monthly self breast exams....NOW!

Back on Leave from Work

2010-03-31T21:09:00.000-07:00

Well as of March 5, 2010, I was officially back on leave from work, because I was having another surgery. As most of you know I had surgery back in Aug, actually Aug 17, 2009 (you can read about that here)... This time I was having my reconstruction surgery on March 10, 2010. The type I was scheduled to have is called the tram-flap surgery. From what the doctor told me, I was scared but excited, since I have been with out breast for about 7 months now. WOW 7 months with no breast...but I had some very good and expensive prosthetics thanks to my insurance...and if I didn't tell you they came off at night, you didn't know it, (I was still fine as wine).

So since I was gonna be down, for a while my doctor said 4-6 weeks, but I was thinking 2-4 weeks, cause I don't have 6 weeks to be down...anyways since I was gonna be down for while, I spent some time with my daughter, kicked with my girls for the weekend, spent time with the hubs...and prayed a lot about the up coming surgery....

side note...

Please do your monthly self breast exams, early dectection is key...Breast Cancer knows no age, sex..(men can get it too)...or color...

It's Been A While...

2010-03-31T20:39:00.000-07:00

Whew it's been a while since I posted...and a lot has passed, so I guess I will have to back track...

Let's see where to start...well I guess I will start where I left off, at work.... Well as you know from the last post I did go back on Dec 1, but I miss quoted I said I was out 6 months, when actually it was 9 months...(Whew that's a long time)...anyways going back to work was interesting very interesting.. a lot of new people...most of them brown...most of them women...but a lot...they also added a whole new department..

I won't go all in about what happened while I was there, mainly because I can't remember..lol...but I do remember it took me a whole week to log on, they seem so unprepared like they didn't know I was coming back. And that made me very upset on more than one occasion, and I went back to training class, after training class, after training class...

I was hated on by the new people, for one they thought I was new, and I really don't' associate with my co-workers...and you know I was clean everyday, so they assumed I was stuck up..(ok ok I might be a little bit, maybe a lot but who's paying attention)..and I had to set a couple of people straight...and of course I got the age old question "How many shoes do you have?" more than once...

I think that about sums it up...I mean more stuff happened, but like I said I can't really remember...

But that kinds brings me to the present because I went back on leave March 5, 2010...

First Day Back......to Work

2009-12-01T19:59:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about this day for the last week or so. How would I feel. What I was going to be doing. What I was gonna wear. Cause you know I had to be cute and all...lol..

Well today was the day. I got up extra early so I can get ready and get the kids ready before I had to leave. I got to work at 8:20, I was kinda nervous, cause I have been on leave for 6 months. (but I was looking cute) I go to my desk and sit my stuff down. My supervisor told me to set up my stuff and log on my computer. My desk was soooo dusty, I snapped at my neighbor Tim asking him why he hadn't dusted off my desk for me, and of course he had something smart to say.

After I got my desk all clean again, and set up a few things to make it look like somebodies work station. I then proceeded to log on to my computer, I knew my passwords had expired and I would be on the phone with the Tech's all day. So I put in my log in and hit enter, I got a message that said "your acct has been deactivated, please contact the site admin" . So I did, they told me that, I need to have my supervisor fill our and Imac ticket, because my acct has been deleted. I asked why, they told me if you don't log in for 4 months they delete your acct.

So my Supervisor spoke with the Admin Asst. and she said she would submit the ticket and it will take 1-2 days to get my acct back active. So I may not be able to log in until Thurs. and I know I will be on the phone all day. Because that log in will only get me onto the computer, and after that I have about 7 or more systems that I have to get passwords for.

Well all day today, I was sitting with my co-worker Ms. Rachel, going over all the stuff that has changed in the last six months. And it has been a lot. I feel like I need to go back to training, and I'm pretty sure I will be...

But I am looking forward to day 2

My Break

2009-12-01T19:51:00.000-08:00

I just want to say to all my readers, I have not forgotten about my blog, I was just taking a break. I hope you have not given up on me, cause I'm back. I may not post everyday but I will start back posting...

Thank you for reading..

Smooches!

Halloween 2009

2009-11-03T22:51:00.000-08:00

My daughter celebrated Halloween for 3 nights... She attended a party on 10/28, they had a party at school on 10/30 and of course trick or treating Halloween night...Her costume this year was Ariel the little mermaid, me I was an dark fairy...and Daddy, he was a gremlin. We had fun this year, especially because Daddy is usually working on Halloween, but he had it off this year and we went trick or treating as a family...

Here are some pics...

I don't have any body shots of me and the hubs...

My husband's job..

2009-11-03T21:51:00.000-08:00

For those of you who know me, you know that my husband is an Correction Officer. He has been in this line of work for a long time now.

When he first started years ago, he worked in the Prison with the harden criminals, now he did this for a couple of years. I used to be so worried about him. I mean anything could have happened. I don't think people realize how dangerous this kind of job is. Do you know the Corrections officers are only in charge because the inmates allow them to be. Think about how many inmates there are to the amount of officers there are. (like how many students are in a school compared to how many teachers there are.) So with that said anything could happen, a riot, a deadly fight, he could be jumped, or even tortured. And what's really scary most of the people in the prison have nothing to loose, because they are doing so much time, or maybe even life. Thank God none of this has ever happened to him.

Now he works at the County jail, and I don't know if this is better or worst then the prison. Because a lot of these people are petty criminals, crack heads, and young and dumb. So they just don't care about getting into more trouble. Sometimes he even has to fight with these fools. He has had some minor injuries but nothing serious Thank God! So as a his wife, I worry about him. You can't even imagine some of the thoughts that go thru my head. Or how I get restless if he doesn't call me from work. And please don't let him make it home late, and not call OMG I straight have a panic attack.

So as you can see, it is a blessing that he hasn't had any major issues in this line of work. And I thank God for keeping him safe, and keeping me sane.

I Pray for him everyday he goes to work. and thank God every single time he walks thru the door...

Back to Work .....Dec 1st??

2009-10-29T21:50:00.001-07:00

I went to my job the other day to talk to my supervisor. I was letting him know that I was coming back to work on Nov. 16. I was all excited and thangs, then he tells me he got an email stating that I was not returning to work until Dec 1. I was like are you sure, and he printed out the email, and sure as shit it said my long term disability has been approved until Nov 30. DAMN!!

Well it's not all bad, I was actually thinking about staying out the whole month of Nov. because of various reasons...

1. My skin is starting to peel where the radiation was at. and it;s peeling bad, all under my arm is raw and red, and there is some puss...and the nurse said it will take a few weeks to clear up..

2. My daughter and niece are out of school the whole week of Thanksgiving, and they would have to be at daycare all week. Not that they are to good to go, because they will be going when I do go back to work, but to start out going all week all day...I don't know ...

and

3. I wanted the day after Thanksgiving off to go shopping...lol

So it worked out just fine, I will be off until Dec. 1...

No More Radiation....

2009-10-29T21:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday (10/28/09) was my last day for my radiation treatments...Hallelujah!! Thank You JESUS....

It feels so good not to have to go in there everyday. It's not like it was painful, just tiresome. I'm glad it over but also blessed that it helped me...

3 more Radiation Treatments...

2009-10-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

Whew I will be done with my Radiation treatments on Wed, Nov. 28, 2009...Hallelujah!

I'm so glad, it's not that it hurt, the actual treatment doesn't hurt at all..it's like having an x-ray done. Matter of fact sometimes they give me an x-ray with the same machine...but what I'm tired of is, I have been going every day Mon-Fri at 9:45 for 6 weeks now..it's just tiring...

Also my skin...whew where do I start...my skin is charred, literally, the whole left side of my chest wall and under my arm (my armpit) just charred especially my arm pit..I was going to post a pic for you to see, but my husband has mixed feelings about it, because even though I don't have breast, it's still an intimate part of me, so I will respect his wishes and not post them...

OK so they told me it would burn over time...they said it would be kinda like a sun burn, but I've never been sun burned...so I really didn't know what to expect, but I didn't expect this, and on top of the charred skin, it's starting to peel, and the skin that is peeling off is all soft and gooey..and just black...

But all and all I'm an truly blessed to be able to share my story with people. I could have been dead, like many others before me and there will be many after me who has/or will have this deadly disease...

So even though I complain I thank God everyday for his Grace and Mercy....

Remember please do your self exams, not because it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month, do it because it can save your life...

Talk about Breast Cancer and Raise Awareness..

www.thebreastcancersite.com
please visit and click the pink button to fund free mammograms to women in need.

www.cancer.org
http://ww5.komen.org/

the Praise Concert

2009-10-24T21:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday 10/23/09, I went to a Praise Concert, with a couple of friends. And when I tell you I got my praise and worship on...I sure mean it...

I really enjoyed the show. All the Gospel groups that performed were really good. Even my church choir (Shiloh Missionary Baptist Church) performed, and let me tell you that they showed out, matter fact that is an understatement, they shut it down...They should have closed the show...

Any ways it was very nice, people Praising God and Testifying...What a Glorious Event...I'm so glad I went....

Thanks Ms. B for getting my ticket...smooches!

WOW Facebook Drama..

2009-10-24T21:44:00.000-07:00

First of all I try to live a drama free life...I don't like drama, I don't handle it well..I have a low tolerance for Bullshit...point blank...

So the other day...well it's been about a week or so...my niece blocked me off her facebook page...because I don't agree with her decision to get married in July 2010, when her divorce from the first marriage won't be over until April 2010. So of course I'm the hater, and I need to mind my own business...and maybe I do..but that's just plain dumb...

A lot of things has been said, some by me and a lot by her..lol..anyways we are no longer facebook friends, nor are we speaking, not because of me, but because of her...I was upset but not for long, cause I'm way to cute to hold grudges against anyone...

And then there are just unresolved issues in the family period...I need to go to counseling for real no joke...I swear I was adopted..but that's a whole nother story...

So what I've decided to do it just leave her alone, along with some other people in the family, her mom to be specific..I have various reasons why, not only for the facebook thing, but I've been lied on, talked about in a bad way...and like I said earlier some other family issues...

I love my family, I promise I do, but it's better for me and my sanity to just let them be ....so I'm giving this situation to GOD and I'm gonna try not to take it back, cause honestly at the moment I could smack the shit out of both of them...

My hair is growing back.

2009-10-19T04:45:00.000-07:00

Well it's been growing back for a while now. I don't even know why it's taken me so long to blog about it. Especially since I'm so excited. Those who know me, knows that I didn't wear my wig all the time, but when my hair first started growing back. I had no choice, because I looked like a baby chicken (so not funny)..and it seemed to stay in that baby chicken stage for a while.

Now it grown out a little more, it kinda looks like a fade, and I'm cool with that, because the wig can get HOT. But what I'm most excited about is the texture of it. It's so soft, not as soft as baby hair, but soft enough. I'm hoping I get blessed with natural curls this time around.

But not matter what texture it ends up being, I've decided to go all natural. No more relaxers for me, if it gets nappy I will just dread it..

Big ups to all my natural sista's out there...and to every one else as well

smooches

The haunted house..

2009-10-19T04:38:00.001-07:00

Well the it's Monday Morning and I can't sleep. The weekend went pretty well..My husband was off most of the weekend, so that's good.

And on Saturday, we went to the haunted house, and OMG it was well worth the 7 dollars. But when we got there the line was so long, and it was cold we almost turned around. But we didn't and we ended up staying in line for about an hour. While we were in line we had a couple of laughs, there were monsters walking around scaring people. Which was too funny. I mean I even got scared one time...but he snuck up on me..that's my story and a I'm sticking with it.

Now once in the haunted house, I got instantly scared before we even got all the way in. And I kept saying as long as they don't touch me then I'm good. And even though they didn't touch me, I was still scared as hell...

I'm so glad we decided to go, we haven't did that in a long time...Hopefully we can get a sitter and go out on Halloween...

Health Care...BS

2009-10-15T09:37:00.000-07:00

Somebody explain to me...If I pay my monthly insurance premium, why in the hell do I still have hospital bills. This bullshit...I wish I didn't even have to get sick, not because of obvious reasons but because of the financial part. I just don't get it how do I owe this much on top of my premium. I see why people hold off going to the doctor. Hell if I could have found a home remedy for Breast Cancer I would have worked this out my damn self.

I'm so tired of these damn people calling me, saying I owe this and owe that. I keep telling them I will pay yall when I go back to work. It's not like yall don't know what my situation is. All you have to do is look over my records DUH.....

He is....

2009-10-15T09:06:00.001-07:00

My husband....

He is the best husband I could have ever ask God for.

His love is so amazing, He is amazing, I love him so much.

He writes me such beautiful poetry (sometimes erotic) but still beautiful. He knows how to make me smile even when I don't want to. He makes me feel beautiful even without my hair or my breast. I feel safe and secure when I'm with him. I know I can count on him without a doubt. He is just wonderful, not only as husband, but as a Dad too. He makes me so happy.

I just want to say Thank to him for being so supportive and understanding. Thank you for listening when I've needed to talk. Thank for letting me cry on your shoulder. Just Thank You for being you....

I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I thank God for him everyday...

The Field Trip

2009-10-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

On Monday, I went on a Field trip with my daughter's 1st grade class, to the Fire Station and Mc Donalds.

At the fire station, they were well behaved, and asked really good questions to the firemen. They also sat really quiet and watched the video. Then we were off the Mc Donald's. The class walked to McDonald's since it was down the street. I drove because I came late due to my radiation treatment.

Now at McDonald's the kids were ok. LOUD but ok. Nobody got in trouble. They were not running around like wild animals or nothing. The funny thing was, this guy was in Mc Donalds reading his paper, when the kids came in he packed up and left. Also a couple of people turned around at the door...lol

But I really enjoyed myself, since I can't remember the last time I did this. I will have to do this again.

Winter Time?

2009-10-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

On Monday Oct 12, 2009...we here in Minnesota woke up to SNOW! Yeah that's right snow...how messed up is that, I mean what in the hell happened to fall. I really like fall, it's one of the best times of the year. But oh no Minnesota just skipped right past it. Does Mother Nature realize it's not even Halloween yet. Maybe we will get a warm front before to long. I know I'm not ready for this kind of weather, I still need want to get a new coat. I need, yes need a remote starter. I don't know how I even made it this long without one. At least the baby is ready for winter, hell with all the stuff she has, she's ready for anything.

Me....HERO?

2009-10-10T12:17:00.000-07:00

Well I'm pretty open about my Breast Cancer, and I will share my journey with anybody who will listen. I don't do it to get praise, or to get sympathy, I do it because it's therapy for me, and it may help, or encourage somebody else. I blog about it, I post it on face book, speak about it when I'm out...just open.

Now I don't want people to think that I'm never scared. Because I was and still am a little bit. but I refuse to let this get me down in a funk, and/or be depressed about it. That won't change my situation AT all. Plus, I'm blessed, fabulous, highly favored and always fighting. I'm no HERO, nor am I trying to be. I just want to raise awareness.

Women and men need to know it could happen to them, because before this happened to me. Breast Cancer was the furthest thing from my mind. I mean my maternal Aunt died of breast cancer about 13 or so years ago. But nobody really talked about it, or took the time to educate themselves on how it could or would effect our family. Actually I'm the only other person in our family who has had it. So this time, I am making sure I educate those I love, and even people I don't even know. I want people to realize this can happen to them, no matter the age.

Your doctor won't even give you a mammogram until you are 40. Which I don't understand because you are at risk for breast cancer as early as age 15. and ALL WOMEN ARE AT RISK period. And some men. So if you are at risk by age 15 why can't we get mammograms until we are 40. So now that you know this, please do your self exams at least 1 a month or more frequently. And if you feel a lump or think you feel a lump please go get it checked. And even if you never get Breast Cancer you still should educate yourself, because someone you know and or love may get it, and it will still effect you.....

Remember October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month...Talk about it and Raise Awareness

My name is Tamiko Edwards
and I'm A Breast Cancer Survivor
not a Hero...but thank you...

www.thebreastcancersite.com
http://ww5.komen.org/

Ready to for Work...

2009-10-10T12:06:00.000-07:00

I am so ready to go back to work. I am so bored out my mind. I have been off work since April, and man when I tell you it's really taking a toll on me. WHEW!!! I mean maybe if I had a hobby or something, it wouldn't be as bad. Maybe if the baby wasn't school age it wouldn't be as bad. I can say the good part about it, is that my husband works second shift, so he's home in the mornings. And I get to spend time with him. That is one thing I'm gonna miss when I do start work, spending time with him is priceless. I also get to spend time at my daughter's school. I know I am gonna miss those crumb snatchers when I go back to work.

The expected return date is Nov. 16, 2009. but before I go back to work, there are some things that need to be done. I will be done with Radiation therapy on Oct. 30,2009 (hold the applause..lol). I need to follow up with the daycare, so she can be ready for the girls, after school. and I also need to get some work clothes, because I've lost about 30lbs, during this whole cancer ordeal. So I have about a month or so to get these things done. I'm not worried though, I'm a fighter, and plus I don't have much else to do.

Can anybody get a show...

2009-10-05T20:24:00.000-07:00

Can anybody get show these days....

Tyra banks has one, even Mo'nique has one, My husband told me the other night even Brian McKnight has one...yes Brian McKnight. So now I'm wondering how I get on the ban wagon. What's the Criteria, cause if Sherry Shepard can be on the view, trust me I can be on or have one too. I mean have you seen the Wendy Williams show, shall I ask again what is criteria for real. In a minute the only thing that is going to be on TV is Talk show's, reality TV, Judge Shows and Maury Polvich..(don't act like you don't watch you are not the father)...

And as for Reality shows, just because you are famous doesn't mean we want to see into your life, ie Keisha Cole and her ghetto ass family (Frankie and Neffie), Tiny and Tina...for real why? And don't for get Bobby Brown and Whitney, what a mockery...Didn't Brandi have one and what about her brother...Ray J come on now...you get the pic....its this really what TV is coming too...

I'm not saying I don't watch Reality TV, because I do but hell there isn't anything else on TV...

My daughter's Class

2009-10-05T20:04:00.000-07:00

Since I've been off work, I've been going to the school and helping out in my daughter's class. She's in the first grade, and these kids are....well let me say interesting. And teachers are very wonderful people and they should get paid much, much more. Not only are they really patient, but they are basically shaping our kids and their future. I know I couldn't do what they do.

So I'm at the school and the kids are not really bad, they are just busy, very busy, especially at this age. I told them they could call me Ms. Tamiko, and I swear every time I go there, this little boy named Ethan says "Hey Lady, what's your name" or "Hey lady is your name Ms. Tamiko" and I know he remembers he's 6. Then there's Katie, she is so loud, all the time. My daughter is always calling me asking me to help her, like I'm the teacher.

On this one day they were writing and coloring in there Journal. When they get finished they had to put the Journals on the shelf behind me. So because the shelf was behind me they started to show me their journals before putting them on the shelf. They had only written on 3 pages so it was cool. It was going well, I was looking at the journals and saying, oh how cute, or this is beautiful you know things of that nature. Then here comes Luke, he colored one of his pages green, and I had on a green shirt, so I said this is the same color that I have on. He said "I didn't know I was coloring you"...lol

I am going to miss them when I go back to work in Nov. but until then I will enjoy the little people..

October is Breast Cancer Awarness Month.

2009-10-05T19:47:00.000-07:00

Well I want to start by saying Big Ups to the NFL for Thinking PINK!

OK...

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

I would like every to make sure they are doing their self breast exams, and or scheduling a mammogram. If you don't know how to do a self breast exams there are websites to help you. Just put SELF BREAST EXAM in google and sites will appear. You should be doing them at least weekly to be on the safe side. Yes weekly.

Here are a couple of Facts, I got off www.thebreastcancersite.com

The National Breast Cancer Foundation estimates that each year, over 200,000 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer and over 40,000 die. One woman in eight either has or will develop breast cancer in her lifetime. Approximately 1,700 men will be diagnosed with breast cancer and 450 will die each year.

If detected early, the five-year survival rate for breast cancer exceeds 96%. Mammograms are among the best early detection methods, yet 13 million U.S. women 40 years of age or older have never had a mammogram.

The National Cancer Institute and U.S. Department of Health and Human Services recommend that women in their forties and older have mammograms every one to two years. A complete early detection plan also includes regular clinical breast examinations by a trained medical professional. Monthly breast self-exams are suggested in addition.

Also when you have time go to www.thebreastcancersite.com and click the pink button to help fund women in need, it doesn't cost anything, how about click a couple of times...

Miko

Talk about Breast Cancer and Raise Awareness....

Radiation # 12

2009-09-29T21:47:00.000-07:00

I'm on my 3rd week of Radiation, and it 's going well. I can tell you it's nothing like Chemo, Thank Jesus! Thank Jesus! Thank Jesus! All is going so well. I will just be glad when it's over. I still have until the end of Oct. to go. I'm trying to stay positive. Sometimes it gets hard, even though radiation is painless. I still get tired of going every day, Monday thru Friday. I get there at 9:45 and I'm back in my car by 10:00.

But the good thing is since I'm not going back to work until the middle of Nov. I get to hang out at my daughter's school. I didn't get to do that much last year, or the year before, because of my work schedule. And I'm going to miss it when I go back to work....

Prosthetics #3

2009-09-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

Hey yall, I haven't posted in over a week and so much has happened. I don't even think I can remember.

but I will start with the Damn Prosthetics ~~bitch~~Lady, Nancy. Why did I have to snap out. UGGG, I'm trying to be more patient with people, but every once in a while I have to.......

Ok so last Thursday 9/24/29, I called her 3 times before I lost my temper, once in the morning, once early afternoon, and then again at about 4:30, and she never returned my call. Even though she was suppose to call me that Wed, to let me know if my stuff came in. And now that I think about it, Why doesn't she carry prosthetics for brown people, that proves that she don't deal with my kind anyways.

So by the last phone call I'm upset. I gave her until 4:55 to call me, cause her shop closes at 5:00. She didn't call so I call back at 4:55, and the secretary, receptionist, or who ever answers the phone picked up, she said that Nancy was on a call. I asked can I leave her a message. She answered Yes. I said you can tell Nancy that I will return the stuff she had given me, and I will be taking my business else where. Since she doesn't have enough time to return my call. The lady then says, well she has been pretty busy, I responded by saying she's on the phone now, and when I called earlier she was on the phone. She says I'm sorry you feel that way, and we do appreciate your business, and some more shit I can't remember. Then I got off the phone.

And Guess what, Ms. Nancy called me back then, but I couldn't get to the phone, but she left a voicemail stating, that she had to re order my stuff, and she apologized and said she would call me back the next morning. (bullshit) Cause it's Tuesday and I haven't heard from the trick. I called her again today to see what her excuse is or was. And hasn't returned my call...but it's ok I got a whole nother appointment at a different shop on Thurs. so she can miss me with the bullshit, and I will think about returning her merchandise...

Prosthetics pt 2

2009-09-20T20:00:00.000-07:00

I expressed my feelings about the prosthetic lady to my husband. And he always sees things differently than I do, or should I say he keeps me grounded...(I love him for that). And he said I should give her another chance. He said something I didn't think of, he said my whole cancer experience all my doctors, nurses etc has made it all about me, and making sure I was happy. But for Nancy (the owner of the prosthetic shop) She is a business owner and she is trying to make money and he said I should give it another chance before deciding to go somewhere else.

So I did just that, I called them back to ask a question, and her assistant Linda told me to come in, and get fitted. So I came in and tried on about 10 or so bra's and prosthetics. To see what worked with the size I wanted, which is at least a D cup...(I used to be a double D). While I was that Nancy came in and she was really nice. She told me she ordered some prosthetics that was more my skin color, cause all they had in store was white ones. And while she was fitting me, she noticed that my I needed what is called an compression bra to help with the swelling of my chest muscles. So she fitted me for the compression bra, put some fabric breast forms in there. To help the bra compress.

My brown prosthetics should be in next week along with the bra's I wanted, and I was really surprised to see they really had some cute bra's.

So all in all I'm happy I listened to my husband, and gave them another chance. I was really pleased with the service that I received, and now I can't wait for my prosthetics to come in...

Physical Therapy

2009-09-20T19:39:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to see the physical therapist, I am at risk of getting lymphedema, because when I had surgery they had to remove some of my lymph nodes under my arm. And I have trouble lifting my left arm over my head due to the surgery.

The physical therapist name was Nici (Nicky). She was nice, and very informative. She showed me some exercises to do, in order to help reduce the risk of getting Lymphedema. Apparently there is no cure for it, if it develops you just have to manage it. I have to do these exercises everyday, well I'm suppose to do them everyday. But of course I don't because I'm hard headed. I'm thinking of making a weekly apt with the physical therapist, I believe that would make me more disciplined at doing the exercises.

I hope that I don't develop Lymphedema. And I will do my exercises more, whether I make a weekly apt or not. at least I'm going to make a effort to. I know it's the best thing for me, and I need the range of motion in my arm.

Prosthetics....

2009-09-16T19:36:00.000-07:00

On yesterday, I had a meeting with the lady who handles the Prosthetic breast cases for the hospital. Her name is Nancy. So we (my husband and I) meet with her. And She is going over some personal information . Then she proceeds to show me and have me try on some bras and some prosthetic breast. I'm looking all cute, and feeling cute, cause I haven't had on a bra in a while, and wow these look like real breast with the bra on. So I'm kinda feeling myself...lol...

Then she asks about my insurance, I tell her I have Blue Cross Blue Shield of Minnesota. Then her whole conversation changes. Now all of a sudden she doesn't have the bra that would look good on me. Which was ok, because the last one I tried on looked like a grandmother bra. (and I definitely didn't want that one). So at first I thought she was being shady because of my insurance. But then she began to tell me about these custom made breast forms, that I could get and my insurance would cover them. She said they would make a mode of my body, and custom fit them just for me, and they will be the same color of my body, and you can put moles on them, or they can show veins, or whatever else you wanted (I should have asked if I could get them tattooed..lol) any way she just hyped them up so much. She stated I would have to come into her shop to get them, IF that's what I wanted to do. now I never said yes or no I just listened. Then here comes the kicker she said they are 3500.00 a boob. WTF 7G's for some plastic boobs, that's alot I don't care even it the insurance will cover it. So then after she talked about these expensive ass breast, she told me to think about it, and she would order the bra's and call me when they were in.

Ok so today I get a call from Linda who works for Nancy, and on my voice mail, she tells me they have the bra's in store and they checked on my insurance to call her back. I call back and talk to Linda, she told me my insurance will cover everything 100%. I can get as many bra's as needed and there's no limit on my prosthetic breast. I'm like oh ok. Then she said Nancy wanted to talk to me, so I'm on hold...then Linda comes back and said. "We was wondering if you decided to go with the custom forms, because it takes about 2 hours to get fitted for them, or did you want to just use what we had in the store". I told Linda I decided against the custom forms. she was like "Ok. That's fine, we have forms in store you can choose from". Then she puts me back on on hold for Nancy. Then Linda comes back and says "Nancy said she will order you new bra's and she will call you when they come in" and got off the phone.

My reasons for not getting the customs forms you ask? Because I don't want to have to wait for them, I've been without breast for a while, and I want them when I leave the store. My surgeon told my me chest wall may flatten out more, and if that happens my custom fit forms won't fit properly anymore. and 7G's is just to damn much to pay for them..no matter who is picking up the tab....

Now I'm like Hold on, I know Linda said on my voice mail that they had the bra's in store. Why couldn't I just use them. And why didn't she speak with me, Is she mad because I decided against the customs forms, and she won't get 7G's from my insurance company. Because that's what it seems like to me. Now I feel like just going to a whole different shop. Matter of fact I will be going to talk to the shop around the corner from my house tomorrow.....Hopefully they take my insurance and they won't trip if I don't want the most expensive breast forms in the store....

P.S.

I'm no longer taking donations to help with the purchase of my breast forms, My insurance is covering the cost up front. But still feel free to donate if you wish...

Smooches!
Miko.

Radiation Therapy...

2009-09-16T19:11:00.000-07:00

Today was day 3 for my radiation therapy. I have to go to radiation therapy everyday Monday thru Friday at 9:45 from now until 10/31/09, for a total of 35 treatments. What happens at radiation therapy you ask? Well I go in, get undressed from the waist up. and sit in the waiting room for about ummmm 30 seconds...then the nurse/tech comes to get me...and I lay on this table with a sheet on it...(like if you lay on your dinner table with a bed sheet on it) this thing is so uncomfortable. I lay on it and my head in my mold with my left hand above my head. The nurse/tech positions puts me in the right position. She lines up the tattooed dots on my body with the radiation machine. Then they leave the room. and the machine starts to rotate and radiate. I feel nothing, they change something on the machine and leaves the room again. Then the machine starts to rotate and radiate. I feel nothing...and then it's over...Yeah it takes about 10 minutes 20 tops. I mean I'm in and out of there with in 35 minutes total...

Ok this is my big gripe, how come everytime I get on the table, and they tell me to lay still. something starts to itch, my nose, my face, my arm, or my leg...and I can't touch it...UGH!

One thing I'm happy about is that it's way easier than chemo...Hell surgery was easier than Chemo...but I still don't like going. I mean every single day. What if I'm sick, can I call in even though I do it at the hospital. I think I'm just tired of going to the Dr. This is how you know you've been going to much. When you walk in and they know you by name, and they check you in when you walk in the door, and 12 months ago they had no idea who you were.....

But I guess it could be worst.....

Eyelashes/Eyebrows

2009-09-16T19:00:00.001-07:00

I am so excited to tell you that my eyelashes are growing back. I haven't had eyelashes for a couple of months now. Sometimes I wear fake lashes...(I love those things). I think I'm going to start to wear them everyday like the rich girls. But until the day comes when I start..I will have my own lashes...right now they are very short...and my daughter was looking at them she said.."Oh momma I see them they are sooo little" lol

Also my eyebrows are going back in. I hope the they grow back thicker because before I had cancer...they were very thin. to arch them all I had to do was prob pluck about 8 or 9 hairs...(don't be laughing)...So hopefully this time around I will get some thicker ones....

President Barack Obama!

2009-09-13T15:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I saw the Phenomenal President Obama.

Ok let me take you through my day. We woke up at about 5:30ish. cause we wanted to get good seats. The President was going to be doing a health care speech at the Target Center, downtown Minneapolis and it was FREE. The doors were gonna open at 9:30 but you know when it's free and the President you have to get there early.

We drop the kids off with the sitter and head downtown. After we park we start to walk toward the target center. We noticed the line, and come to find out it was around the block and 7 am. We head toward the end of the line. Then the brotha in a suit tell us that the line in the skyway is much shorter. We get to the skyway and there is only about 6 people up there.. (Big ups to the brotha in the suit). We are in line about 10 minuets and OMG! the line is about a mile or so long. We stayed in lin for 2 1/2 hours. (me and the hubs in line)

Finally they let us into the Target Center. We go thru security and they direct us to out seat. And low and behold the 2 1/2 hours we well worth it. We were the first ones in the target center. and had some of the best seats in the place. (another big ups to the Brotha in the suit). We are in row 5. I mean the stage is right there. (here was space on the floor open by the stage and the seats are up from the floor).

It took another 3 hours or so to get the 1500 people in the Center.

.........

and among the 1500 guest there was this guy that had on a shirt that read "World Largest Obama supporter...I swear he is was 8 feet tall...see look how much taller he is over everybody else..

NOW....

The man of the hour President Barack Obama. On the way to the stage he mingled with the people on the floor by the stage. Then when he got on the stage OMG his presence is amazing. People cheered and clapped and stood on their feet for about 7 minutes before he even started to talk.

He spoke about the issue at hand "Health care for all". He said he was going to fight for affordable health care for all Americans. How this issue affects all of us. He also said that this is had been touched by other Presidents and he was determined it was going to stop with him. He told a couple of stories of how some peoples benefits were stopped when they needed them. I mean he hit a lot of good points.

And before he was done, he told us the story to why he always says "Fired Up" and "Ready to go" and the story was kinda funny. He has a wonderful sense of humor. He is so charismatic. His presence is monumental. His voice is so powerful. He is just Phenomenal. If you ever get a chance to hear him speak. Please don't let the opportunity pass. I'm glad I didn't......and trust me when I say when he is done speaking you will be fired up and ready to go. .

..................................................................................................................

I just want to take time out to Thank everyone who supported and voted for President Barack Obama.....my name is Tamiko Edwards and I approved this message...

9/11

2009-09-13T15:30:00.000-07:00

I know it's 9/13..but I'm gonna back track to 9/11/2001...

What were you doing when the Twin Towers were attacked.

Well I was at work, I was working for U.S Banks at the time. I went downstairs on break and ordered some breakfast. There were people crowded around the TV. I asked what happened. A lady told me that a plane had crashed into one of the Twin Towers. So as I began to look a the tv the second plane it. I was like Oh My GOD! I can't believe this is real. Then a man said that's no accident that's a terrorist attack. And I was late from break watching the News.

So I called home...now my mother in law was visiting us in Minnesota for her birthday (her birthday is 9/11). She answers the phone, I ask her is she is watching the news. She said I'm half sleep I thought it was a movie. So I tell her and the hubs what's going on. And we all watched in amazement.

Ok I'm getting teary eyed.....

I just want to end this by saying. My heart goes out to all that effected directly and/or indirectly by 9/11...

My Radiation Consultation...

2009-09-09T19:47:00.000-07:00

Today I had 2 appointments, one with the Oncologist and one with the Radiologist.

My oncologist just basically did a follow up from my surgery. You know checked my incision, and my blood pressure, my blood count etc. A pretty simple visit. I tried to get out of going to Radiation but she wasn't having it. I just didn't understand if all the cancer was removed during surgery, why radiation?

Now on to the Radiation consultation. First we (my husband and I) checked in with Michelle, she took down general information, like name, addy, phone, emergency contact etc. Then we talked with nurse Donnie, well I should say we met with Nurse Donnie, because she did most of the talking. She first went over how I found the lump, and all the procedures I had up to this point. She also went over my medical background, past surgeries and stuff.

Then she proceeded to tell us what to expect during radiation. Like how it's kinda like an X-Ray, and I won't feel anything in the beginning, I won't be sick or constipated. I may be a little tired, but not like chemo tired. She said I will get burned like a sun burn, and my skin may peel and become irritated, and that I need to stay moisturized... but it will clear up about a month or so after the treatments........She also said they will build a mode of my body, and oh yeah they will tattoo small marks on my body, (yeah I said tattoos)...and she said a whole bunch of other stuff. I mean she talked and talked and talked. I can say she was very informative and she knew her stuff.

Then after Nurse Donnie, the Radiologist came in (I can't spell or pronounce his name). He kinda reiterated everything that Nurse Donnie went over. He did add, that there is a small 2% risk that the radiation itself could cause cancer. And a small very small sliver of my heart will get radiated, and in about 3 or 4 years I will need a stress test on my heart to make sure it's ok he did assure me that the risk of it not being ok is also small...... A part of my lung will get radiated, and apparently that shouldn't effect me either because it's only a small piece...... So I am still in need of prayer.

He also let me know why I still needed to have radiation. When I was first diagnosed, and had a pet scan the scan showed that I had some abnormalities at the base of my neck that my be cancerous..and even though the pathology report showed the cancer were removed, I could still have some cells behind my muscles, and the radiation will kill those left over cells if any are there.

After talking to the radiologist, I went to have a cat scan, and to get the mode made...the mode is so I will lay exactly the same way every time. Ok before the cat scan, the sticker lady came and put about 20 stickers on my chest area. Why? They didn't tell me. I'm pretty sure they were to mark something. What? I don't know.......So for the cat scan I had to lay there and not move for what seemed like an hour...but I think it was more like 15 mins or so...And as soon as the scan was over, the nurses came and tatted me up. granted the tats are only about as big as a pin head. none the less they are still tattoos and permanent... Now the tattoos are so they can radiate the same spot every time...like markers.

After all this...I go back to talk with Michelle to get my free parking pass...yeah I get to park free at the hospital during my radiation. Because I have to go everyday Monday thru Friday for about 30 mins a day. Do you know how much that would be...let's just say a lot. (I should just go and park just because...lol)

Ok so I start Radiation on Monday 9/14/09, and my last treatment is 10/31/09. So hopefully my skin won't be to irritated that I don't want to put clothes on and I can go back to work in Nov. We'll see...and I will keep you posted as I go thru my radiation treatments....

Miko..

Women please do your self exams, and/or get your mammograms on time. Breast Cancer is not prejudice.....If you are a woman you are at risk.

P.S. Men can get Breast Cancer too...

First Day of School!

2009-09-09T19:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my daughter's first day of School, at her new school. The school she went to last year, had mostly brown people. The new school only has a sprinkle of brown people. But it's all good. She really enjoyed her first day. I went to school with her and stayed for about 2 1/2 hours, and all I can say is Teacher's are special people. The morning started out kinda quiet, but when the teacher decided to go thru school supplies, and asked me to help. OMG...the kids were so loud, and when they needed help all you heard was Mrs House, Ms Tamiko, Teacher...a little boy even said to me Hey lady what's your name. WOW...Teachers are special people and should be paid more. But all in all I did enjoy myself, because it's not like they were bad, just talkative really loud. (and I'm glad I could go home when I wanted too...lol)

She also enjoyed herself today, but the real test will be tomorrow when they have Phy Ed. At her last school they didn't have Phy Ed. so we'll see...

While we're waiting here are some pics from the first day..

Awwww The Princess!

Last Night was kinda rough...

2009-09-08T21:16:00.000-07:00

.... for me, I had this fluid in my chest where my breast use to be. Since I don't have the drain tubes in, the fluid is sitting there. The Dr warned me this might happen, and that if it gets to full I will have to get it drained out with a needle. And trust me when I say it was too full, it almost looked like I was growing a boob. And it was sore, and hard, and uncomfortable. And it seemed like it flared up over night. Well more like on Friday, and of course it would do it then, knowing my Dr. wouldn't be in the office until today because of he holiday UGH!, so I just suffered thru it all weekend it. And I slept just fine up until last night. I tossed and turned, woke the hubs up and everything. And he's so sweet he didn't complain one bit.

So I went into see Barb, the Dr's asst. And she hooked me up. She seen what was going on and said, "Oh I can handle that".

Man when I tell you the needle she pulled out was big as hell. But then she said, "I'm gonna stick in where it's numb, where the incision is"..... Now mind you she never asked me if I was numb. But baby I felt it when she stuck that bad boy in. I didn't scream but I jumped and she "oh did you feel that". I'm thinking hell yeah I felt that. Then she proceeded to move the needle around under my skin until she reached the pocket as she called it. And then OMG! there was so much fluid, and as the fluid was coming out I could see my chest deflate. And it started to feel so much better. Now hopefully I will get some sleep tonight.

Barb said that I will prob be back, because she belives more fluid will get trapped. Go figure!

Happy Labor Day...Early

2009-09-08T21:09:00.000-07:00

We grilled on Sunday after church, because my mom was going a back home on Monday, and Since school was starting on Tuesday, I needed to get the Princess prepared on Monday.

My wonderful husband grilled and I mean he hooked it up. I love it when he grills. He grilled chicken, pork chops, steaks, a roast and corn on the cob. We had some mac and cheese, and my girl made a 7 up cake. We didn't do it to big, but it was good. We had couple of friends over and just had a good time.

I hope everybody had a good and safe Labor Day Weekend!

I got a crock pot

2009-09-08T20:56:00.001-07:00

I've always wanted one, but never purchased one, why I really don't' have a reason....

but anyways I have one now thanks to my home girl Belinda. Apparently she bought it for a wedding gift, but never attended the wedding and it was just sitting in her closet. We were suppose to go to a different wedding, and she was going to us that same gift..(shhhh don't tell nobody). But we didn't go to that wedding either. So I asked could I have it, I mean it is the end of wedding season, and I doubt if we are invited to any more this year. And being the great person she is she gave me the gift.

and what's funny is she called it my wedding gift...(um 10yrs late) but better late than never...

Thanks a bunch B!

Another Survivor...

2009-09-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you about this girl I met thru my cousin/sister on Facebook. Her name is Terri Davis. My cousin Sandra Rush introduced her. (I wrote about my cousin a wile back). Anyways she wanted to us to talk because we kinda have the same situation. We both are young black women who has had breast cancer. So the friendship started off kind of slow, and then it progressed. I won't go all into detail about her situation, because she is not as open as I am about it. But what I will say is that we are fighting this battle together. We both have had our surgeries, (hers was before mine). And we both will be getting new boobs. (of course she will get her first...damn you Terri...lol). And we both are SURVIVORS!

Before I end this post, I would like to tell Terri Thank you, because when I have a cancer related issue I want to talk about. She is there to listen and or talk and it nice because she understands what I'm going thru. I thank my cousin/sister for introducing us. And I'm looking forward to this friendship, even though we are miles apart...

From on survivor to the next
Thanks Girl...

Meet the Teacher

2009-09-03T21:38:00.000-07:00

On Yesterday 09/2/09 my daughter and I went to meet her teacher (Daddy had to work). Her teacher's name is Mrs. House ( she looks like she should be married to Dr. House...lol) She seemed very nice, another parent described her as being Fabulous. And I thought we should get along fine cause I to am Fabulous..lol...

This is a new school she will be attending this year, which is predominately white. Her last school was opposite predominately black ( or brown as she says). And for those who don't know Ms. Adria, she is very smart, she was the class president of the kindergarten's last year, and her teacher said she was one of the smartest kindergarten's at the school, and her personality is vibrant, but she can be very shy..(she must get that from her Dad).

So I only have 2 concerns 1. Will she be to shy since she won't know anybody at first. and 2. How much (if any) racism will she have to face at this school? Now I know she will eventually come out of her shell, sooner or later. And when we went to the school she didn't really act shy. She talked to the teacher, and spoke to other people at the school with out a prob. And I'm praying that we don't have any racism, cause if we do...man oh man, I don't know if I can keep the ghetto girl in her place....Cause baby I promise they will see a side of me they don't want to....

So to try to keep everything in check I am going to make sure they know me by name. I am joining the PTA, and I will make regular visits to the school, and I don't plan on missing any school functions.

Hallelujah!

2009-09-03T21:18:00.001-07:00

Well on Monday I got up and I was feeling fine, went to a couple of stores with my mom. On my way I had a really bad headache. When I got home I got on the computer to check my Facebook page. I started to get chills so I covered up with my blanket. I really wasn't feeling well. I took my temperature and low and behold I had a damn fever. (Nice) My husband called and I explained to him how I felt, and being the wonderful husband he is, he said he would see about coming home. I told him not to...after speaking with him on the phone I finally got up and got in the bed. I must have fell asleep because the the next thing I noticed is my husband was kissing me on the forehead. (I told you he was wonderful). But I stayed in the bed all day, I didn't want to go to the Dr. because, my Dr. was gone home for the night. So I promised myself and my husband that I would go to the Dr on Tuesday.

When I woke up on Tues feeling just fine. But I made a same day appt with my Dr. anyways. I go into the Dr. and they check me out, my fever was gone, he said that the fluid that was in my chest wasn't anything to worry about. He said my body should absorb it, and if for some reason it doesn't they can remove it with a needle. So hopefully my body absorbs it, so basically I was okay... and

Guess What?

They removed my last drain tube...(Hooray) so I am now drain free and Sexy...lol...

Also I am happy to announce that my pathology report came back and all the Cancer was removed during Surgery...Thank Jesus to being Cancer Free...Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

My Long Time Friend

2009-08-30T21:33:00.001-07:00

I talked to a friend of mine today. That I haven't talked to in years. You know the kind of friend, that even though you haven't spoke in while (years) that doesn't change the way you feel about each other. Well actually she is more like family, I've known her since about the 3rd or 4th grade. It was nice to hear from her, and a blessing all in one. She called to just to ask how I was doing, and to tell me about a young lady named Ateya out in Texas where she lives, who sells wigs, makeup, scarfs etc. She also does tutorials on youtube...And my friend said she would like to send me a wig. Awwww how thoughtful. I haven't looked at the site yet, even thought I'm excited about it. But I promise it is on my to do list for tomorrow.

Thank for thinking of me Ms. Cat...

I love you girl..(and your twin) Smooches!

Trapped Fluid?

2009-08-30T21:17:00.000-07:00

As you know I went to the Doctor last week and had 2 of my tubes removed. I had 2 on the left and 1 on the right. Now I only have 1 on the right. The tubes were to drain fluid from my body where my breast use to be. Since the removal everything has been ok, until today I was looking at myself in the mirror and I noticed that the right side of my chest looked different from the left. So I pushed on it and it moved. Kinda like it's some fluid under my skin. hmmmm...

I told my husband to look at it and he said the same thing. So I don't want to see the doctor tomorrow because I'm scared they my have to drain it with a needle. I hate needles....yeah yeah I know I have 2 tattoos, (want to get another) and has had my tongue pierced, but those needles were by choice damnit...anyways I had needles. And God forbid they want to put another tube back in. UGH! So my husband said I should give it a couple of days and see what happens....

And on top of this the tube that's still on my left side really hurts today for some reason. I don't know if I irritated it or what. I know I have been slacking on my pain meds. Well not really slacking just taking them as needed instead of every 4 hours. Tonight I will be careful how I sleep and hopefully all will be good tomorrow...

The Damn IHop

2009-08-30T21:03:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying Church was wonderful today. My pastor preached his but off. But he always does. I love to hear him preach. He knows what to say and when to say it, and how to get his point across. He is in the business of Saving Souls.

And no I haven't called him back, and he did address that today. So I will be calling him either tomorrow or the next day. But I will let yall know..

After church we went out to eat. (My mom's still in town, and apparently she don't cook on Sunday's she is accustom to going out to eat every single Sunday.) So we decided on Ihop in Maplewood MN, because my mom said she wanted to go before she went back home (they don't have Ihop in Flint Mi) and secondly because kids eat free after 4pm. A couple of friends came with, and we had a total of 4 kids.

Now it's time to order and we all wanted The T-Bone Steak and Shrimp. Now mind you it's 5 adults. Well initially my mom wanted the sirloin..but they were out of Sirloin so she opted for the T-bone like the rest of us. So we sitting around mouth watering, waiting on our T-Bones...and low and behold the waitress comes back and says "Sorry were out of T-Bones too".

WTH Hold the Damn Presses...How in the hell yall out of T-Bones, what kind of ghetto establishment is this. And the funny part is my husband and I thought they were out of business, cause it always seems like they have no business...now with that said..did they only start out with about 10 or so Steaks, the waitress claimed they sold them all at breakfast...Whateva!

And that was the first time in about a year since we had eaten there. And best believe that will be the last....

3 Movies in 3 Days....

2009-08-30T20:44:00.000-07:00

Aug 27 was my husband's birthday, we went to his favorite restaurant Famous Daves. Then off to see District 9, now I've seen a lot of Alien movies. But this one was totally different from any of them out there. Now the camera work is kinda shaky, if you get queasy easy, take some meds before you see it.

On Aug 28th we decided to go to the movies again. This time we went to see Halloween II. And I'm here to tell you it's Okay. A lot of killing of course, but a weak story line. The ending was interesting, but personally I liked the first one better.

On Aug 29, we decided at the last minute to catch the late show of Final Destination 4. Okay this one. First don't expect much from this one, but people dying, and grossness. The acting is WHACK, and it ends stupidly. But as long as you know not to have high expectations going in, everything will be ok.

WOW 3 movies in 3 days....all I can say is we like movies...my husband prob likes them more then I do. But I will go with him whenever he's wants...

The Pastor's Secretary Called Me...

2009-08-29T21:06:00.000-07:00

If you've been reading my blog you know my relationship with me and my church...

Well the other day I was out shopping with my mom. And my phone is always on vibrate. (so if you call and I don't answer I'm not ignoring you) anyways. I had a missed call and a voice mail. I checked the voice mail, and it's a message from my Pastor's Secretary. She left me a message saying my pastor wanted to talk with me. WOW right. I know it was the deaconess or the church nurse who told him about my situation, now he wants to talk.

and guess what? I didn't even call him back. Why? because I really don't know what to say or expect. So now tomorrow is Sunday, and I know he will see me at church. I guess I will see how this goes. If we don' t talk tomorrow. I promise I will call him on Monday..

Happy Birthday Daddy!

2009-08-27T10:46:00.000-07:00

Today is the Hubs Birthday. I won't say how old he is, cause he still claims to be 27. Like he ain't a part of the dirty 30 crew. But it's OK I still love him.

So I just want to take time to tell you Happy Birthday. I know we don't have anything planned. We are just gonna wing it. But I hope to see your smile, and I will do what I can to make sure you enjoy yourself this weekend. I love you Daddy...

~ Your Wife..

My Follow - up Appt.

2009-08-27T10:09:00.000-07:00

I had a Dr's appointment on Tues 08/25/09, to follow up from surgery and to see if my drains could be taken out. Well the follow up part went ok. My surgeon said I was healing very well..so I was happy about that. But when it came to getting my drains removed, I was almost in tears. Apparently my body is still producing to much fluid to be removed. And I didn't want to hear that shit. Man these tubes are getting on my nerves, It's uncomfortable to sleep, It's uncomfortable when I'm woke, and trying to find something to wear that's can go over the drain tubes, is a whole nother story.....

But since I've seen the Dr. my body has been producing less fluids, and I so happy that today I will be getting 2 of my tubes removed..and hopefully the last one will be out soon. You just don't know how happy I am...I am looking forward to sleeping tonight. and just getting dressed with out the tubes. I don't want much, I just want to put on Jeans and a T shirt, without all worrying about if I squeezing the tubes...

Back to School Dr.'s Appt.

2009-08-27T09:58:00.000-07:00

On Monday 8/24/09 I took my daughter to the Dr. to get her back to school physical. And I am proud to say she is just perfect..(that came from her Dr.) She weighs 51 lbs. and is 3 foot 11..Yes that's tall for a 6 yr old. And she is skinny. But I'm am very happy that she is healthy...Thank You Jesus!

She will be starting 1st grade this year.

oh let me tell you this. When I told my baby I was taking her to the Dr. She said she wanted to go the Brown Man....(her Dr. is Black...but in her eyes you are either Brown, White, Asian or Beige...lol).

If You Need Something...

2009-08-25T16:00:00.000-07:00

How come when people get sick or something..People always say if you need something let me know. I know they mean good, but really, why do I have to ask. If you know I'm down why don't you just come over and do something. Because secretly you hope I don't need anything. (right).

I mean you know that I have dishes, I have kids, I have a bathroom, I have to go grocery shopping, etc. So don't ask what can you do just do it.

Actually I'm really glad I can do stuff on my own. Because I would be shit out of luck. But I'm not mad, I'm just saying...

and on the other hand if you really want to do something, send me some money because this disability check just ain't cutting it...

My Church!

2009-08-25T15:31:00.000-07:00

When I went to church on Sunday. I decided not to wear my wig. I've been bald since the end of April. But for some reason when I go to church I wear my wig. Mainly because I haven't told them I had breast cancer....

Ok let me back up and tell you why...

I was debating on telling my church, because I felt like nobody there really knew me. I've been a member there for years, but I haven't really been involved in the church activities...My pastor knows me by name...but a lot of members of the church don't...(ok that's my reasons and I'm sticking with it). I had talked to my mom about it and she said just call them.

So I did...and WOW...ok this is what happened...first our church secretary's name is Marsha, and I'm not going to say anything bad about her. I'm just gonna say she show favoritism. Ok so I called and Marsha answered the phone. I tell her my situation and she asks my name, so I say "Tamiko Edwards", and then she says "I don't think I know you" I'm like "OK"...then she gets quiet. So I said "Never mind I'm good" and I hung up the phone. And I'm thinking WOW this is why I didn't want to call. I mean even if she didn't know me, you couldn't look me up, I know I'm on the roster...I"m pretty sure they keep a record when I give them money...

So what I do..I stopped going to that church for a couple of weeks, I either stayed home or visited a different church. I was seriously thinking of changing churches...

But when my mom got here, she wanted to go to church, so I took her to my church. I decided not wear my wig. And all the other times I've been since I've been bald, I've worn a wig. But this Sunday I decided not too. Even though I knew it would raise some questions, but it was just to damn hot outside.

When I first got there, I saw the lady from my support group who is also a survivor and we chatted for about 5 mins or so. Then we went into the church, everything was fine no questions about my hair. I'm glad because I can't lie in the church.

Then after church, I saw my friend Felicia (who is also a Deaconess at the church), and the Nurse at our church, (Don't know her name). Well they both had questions about the bald head. First the nurse and I told her and she was upset I didn't tell the church, and she took my number and said she would check on me....Now my friend, that's another subject she said she has been looking for me, cause I hadn't been to church. And the church didn't have my phone number or my new addy. So I tell her the situation on what happened when I called. And come to find out Marsha has been in trouble for mistreating people lately...hmmmmm...So I gave her my new number, and she called another Deaconess over there to talk to me, apparently she is a breast cancer survivor also. And they said they would come and pray for me, and they felt bad because they had missed my surgery.

So I will see how these church people follow through. And then I will make my decision if I need to find me a new church or not....

My First Day Out....

2009-08-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

So Saturday 8/22/09 was my first day out since my surgery on Monday 08/17/09. I was going to try and stay in the house until my Dr.s appointment today 08/25/09. But man I had cabin fever. I hate sitting in the house, and plus the nurse called from the Hospital and gave me the go ahead.

But the challenge was trying to find something to wear to hide my drain tubes. So that cut out 85% of my wardrobe. Because I mostly have fitted clothes. And to put these drain tubes under a fitted shirt, well let's just say I look CRAZY...lol...I'm so glad I held on on this one shirt that kinda flares out. (my husband says it makes me look pregnant) but it looks just fine over my drain tubes.

Ok so I took my mom to the mall shopping. (that's all she does I swear). anyways we stayed about 2 hours or so. Let the kids play at the play area. Then we went to Target to shop some more. and then home...

By the end of the night I was hit. But I got up Sunday and went to church. I feel if I'm well enough to go to the mall. Then I'm well enough to go to the Lord's house. And I'm glad I did...Church was Glorious...I even cried a little. You know how the Baptist do, they touch on everything, from kids, finance, health and family.......to make sure they have everybody in tears...

The Next Step

2009-08-21T07:23:00.000-07:00

I have a Dr.s appointment on Tues 8/26/09 to get a check up and hopefully get these drain tubes removed. (I'm so looking forward to that).

What I know so far is, that the Dr. is going to let me heal for about an month or so. Then after that I have to go to radiation. Apparently I have to have 30 treatments of radiation. I will be going Monday - Friday about 20 to 30 minutes a day for 6 weeks. As far as I know it won't make me sick, but from what I heard, it will burn my skin kinda like a sunburn. So really not looking forward to that. But I plan on handling it like a champ.

Since I have to have radiation that will delay my reconstruction surgery. (I'm kinda bummed out about that). My Dr says that I need to wait 6 - 12 months before I can get reconstruction. Because if I get it before radiation, the radiation could damage them, and we don't want that. So I will need to fully heal before they can go back and cut on me to do the reconstruction. So I will be without real breast for a while. But I'mma be okay!

My plan is to get reconstruction surgery in April 2010. I choose April because, it will a be a year from the time I was diagnosed.

On a good note, I've found out about these prosthetic breast called breast forms. I plan on getting some of them. apparently they have all sizes, shapes and colors. And they are life like. You can work out in them, swim in them and do anything you want. (a lot of drag queens use them...lol) They just stick on your chest, you put a specially made bra, and be on your way.

How much do they cost you ask. Roughly about 300.00 so I will be taking up a donation. But I will give it back when my insurance reimburse me..lol...

How am I feeling?

2009-08-21T07:18:00.000-07:00

I have been asked this question more times that I can count.

And the answer is...I'm doing just fine. Way better than I thought I would.

I thought I would be ashamed by not having any breast. I thought I would not want my husband to look at me. I also thought I would be depressed by my situation. And come to find out, I'm still fabulous as ever. I'm not ashamed, if you asked to see I would show you. I just came to the realization that this does not define me. I'm still beautiful, I'm still a woman, and it's going to have to take a lot more then not having breast for me not to be fabulous!

Ms Miko..
Smooches!

08/19/09 I came home

2009-08-21T06:51:00.000-07:00

And just 2 days after surgery. and I was excited. (I don't like staying in the hospital). But now I'm home, and I'm feeling better and better by the day. The only thing is, I can't seem to keep anything down, except for some grapes. And that's not going to cut it. I know I want to loose weight, but starving my self was not in the plan. So today I am going to try and eat some pizza. I know it will prob come back up, but I hope it's good going down.

Now..

as for these drains, they are getting on my nerves. It's so uncomfortable to sleep with them. It's enough I have to sleep on my back like I'm in a coma or something. And then with these drains UGH!!! I so hope when I got to the Dr on Tues. they remove them. Not only are they uncomfortable to sleep in, they make my shirts look funny..lol..even though I'm only wearing pajama's but that doesn't change the fact that I still need to look fabulous..lol...

At the Hospital

2009-08-20T08:12:00.000-07:00

So now surgery is over and I'm in my hospital room. The room is cool, I wish it was private. But my roommate was cool. Hell you couldn't even tell she was even there....

Ok, so when you have a mastectomy (single or double) they put these tubes in your body to drain the fluids in your body. Me I have have 3 drains, 1 for each breast and on one for lymphnode I had to have removed. Now these drains are plastic tubes and and the end of the tube it like the end of a turkey baster. And the fluids that it holds from my body..let's just say they don't look pleasant. And they have to be emptied 3 times a day. So the nurse shows us how to empty them because I have to wear these things home. (if you would like to see a pics of them click here).

And on top of that, I'm vomiting a lot. At first the nurse can't figure out why. Then after a couple of hours of vomiting, I guess a light or something went off in her head. Because she realized the pain medicine they had me on, the side effect was nausea. So she changed me to Morphine. And I can tell you I was feeling good, no more upset stomach. Just feeling good.

Then after a couple of hours of morphine through the IV. And I was doing good, by not throwing up. They changed me to percocet (an oral pain medicine). This also made me feel good, and I wasn't nauseated at all. (Which is good, I hate throwing up).

And even though, I was feeling good, and the nurses were nice. all I wanted to do was go home. I mean who ever really wants to stay in the hospital. My doctor/surgeon did come in and say I may go home on Thurs. but I was thinking Wed.

Surgery

2009-08-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

Well Surgery was on Monday 17th. And I'm proud of myself, I didn't even cry. I gave it to GOD....

So we at the hospital, they call me in the back. And This is what I remember. My mom and my homegirl was in the waiting room. My husband and I were in the room waiting on the surgeon, and the other doctors. We were back there about 2 hours or so. With doctors running in and out..

Then the Anesthesiologist comes in.

He says "we're gonna take good care of you".

I said "I hope so".

My husband kissed me on the forehead, and they started to roll me out......Yeah that's all I remember. I think they put something in my IV to put me to sleep...but the next thing I remember is being in the recovery room...

So I guess that's good that I don't remember anything. I'm so glad it's over...

Surgery Tomorrow.

2009-08-16T08:25:00.000-07:00

Well tomorrow is the big day. And to tell the truth I'm not ready. I'm not scared either. Apparently this is a pretty routine procedure. I don't know if you know but I'm having a bilateral mastectomy. And my surgeon is Dr. Todd Morris (he's the head surgeon at the hospital)..I don't know how I got the head surgeon, but I'm sure happy I did.

I can tell you what I'm scared of, I'm scared of what will happen after surgery. I know people are here to help me. but I hate when I can't take care of myself. I don't like for people to feel sorry for me. (I'M NOT DYING)...I don't know what my reaction is going to be. I mean I won't have breast. WOW I won't have breast. That's really going to be a reality check to this whole breast cancer ordeal. I mean the chemo kinda knocked me down for a while. but I got through that like a champ. But I don't know how I'm going to deal with this. Do you know I've had my breast every since I was 14. And now in about 24 hours or so, I will have none......How will I feel when I look at myself? Will I be ashamed to have my husband look at me? What will happen to my self esteem? Will I still think, I mean know I'm Fabulous? Will I be afraid to go out in public? What will happen to ME! These questions have been going over and over in my head. and I can't seem to find the answers to them. I've been asking God these questions, but the answered have not come to me at all. I've been staying positive about the situation. I'm know I will make it through this...I just hope I don't loose ME in the process...

My Mom's Here...

2009-08-16T08:05:00.000-07:00

Yeah my mom's in town. She has come to Minnesota from Michigan to help out me and my family, when I have surgery. My mom is a really caring person, but in the past we didn't' see eye to eye. It wasn't to after I moved out, then I could see all the things she was trying to teach me. And when I moved out of Mich 12 yrs ago. And me and my husband (then boyfriend) was raising our son all on our own. I really understood a lot more then. I also realized she was kinda controlling (I think I may be too). and I noticed a lot of other things about her personality that I hadn't before. Probably because I was to busy growing up. Anyways I'm grateful she is here. Even though I may complain because she is staying almost a month. But I'm pretty sure she will be a big help.

OK so now...

She got her on Friday 14th. we didn't do much when she got in, just went to eat and caught up on somethings...(you know family talk)..Then yesterday we Shopping at the Albertville Outlet Mall...in the damn rain...ok how come the outlet mall is not all connected like the regular mall they do realize there is about 100 store out there...then the rain wouldn't mattered...(ok done venting)...But we had fun, I forgot to take pictures and I had my camera...(I think the rain clouded my memory)...but the trip was very prosperous. My mom got a lot of stuff at some really good prices. Me, I got every thing I went for, which was things for my daughter (like she need something else). Oh yeah and I got these boots...OMG...yeah they pretty hot...

So today we are going to ROCK the River...basically it's a concert on the river...Kirk Franklin and some more people will be there...(I guess you can tell I'm only interested in seeing Kirk..lol)..Hopefully it will be fun....

5 days to Surgery, 2 days til Mom comes...

2009-08-12T08:08:00.000-07:00

It's Wednesday and I don't have any appointments this morning.

I went to the Dr. on Monday for a pre opt exam..

I went to the Oncologist yesterday so she can check my red and white blood cells. Since my last chemo treatment.

Even though I don't have any appointments. I still have so much to do before surgery. I should say things I have to do before my mom gets her on Friday...so technically I only have today, tomorrow and Friday morning to get things done. ...So I will be busy little bee around here.

Today I'm going to wash, I need to run to walmart and get a couple of things. Maybe I will even cook. I need to clean both bathrooms. I need to finish cleaning my daughters room. Man I think that's enough for today ya think?

My Mother's other Child...

2009-08-12T07:31:00.000-07:00

I guess you can call her my sister. But I beg to differ sometimes..

Ok so me and my mother's other child is 8 yrs apart...I'm 36 and she's about to be 44. And we don't get along, because of various reason, and yrs and yrs of hurt and pain. When I was younger I didn't like her at all. I love her but I don't like her actions, her behavior or her attitude . (lol you get the pic)..Did I mention she's also an alcoholic..

And it's not like I ever even had a chance to build a relationship with her. Apparently she wishes I was never born. And she has said this on numerous occasions. So I've been fighting with her all my life. The main reason is she wants to be my momma's baby.. But you know what SHE CAN BE. Even though I'm the youngest. I'm far from a baby..and she can have the position. It doesn't bother me at all..and hasn't in a long time!!!

I'm so envious of women who have these wonderful relationships with their sister. I wish we could just talk sometimes, with out arguing. Go shopping, take trips together..Just be able to turst one another. I wish me and my sister could be close. So instead I try to build these relationships with other women to try to fill this void. Some has been positive but the majority of them didn't work out, for one reason or another.

And even though my sister and I don't get along, I try to be there when she needs me. Even though we live so far apart (I'm in Minn, she's still in Mich).

Ok now the problem at hand...

Over the years, I've never asked my sister for much. Mostly because we never really gotten along right. But don't get me wrong, I love her, she's my only sibling. When I got married she didn't want to be there, it's like I had to pay her to be there (I paid for her dress among other things she needed) anyways...when she got married I was there...When her and husband had major probs..I didn't make it to mich..but I helped her thru it..I called and talked and talked until things were better...When she had surgery.. didn't nobody told me until she was coming home from the hospital...had I known before I would have been there...Why I was the last to know...who knows..

any ways

So now I'm having surgery on Monday the 17th. And my mom will be here on Friday the 14th. Now mind you I just talked to my sister last week or so. She told me that she would come down for a week, but their finances wasn't right at this moment...understandable right... So yesterday I find out that my sister and her husband is going to Alabama on the same day my mom is coming to Minn...WTF....(now remember I said she wants to be my mom's baby)...Supposedly the story is, since mom will be out of town, then she doesn't want to be in town...(you can miss me with the bullshit)

Ok so I called her, to ask her cause I couldn't belive this shit. And of course she confirmed it. So my question to her was, how in the hell you can afford to go to Alabama, but not Minnesota. She claimed the trip was already planned, (bullshit). But she knew I was having surgery since April, not the specific date, but I'v always knew it was in Aug. But part of the prob is her punk ass husband don't really like this side of the family. And he doesn't want her interacting with us...also bullshit...

So at this point, I'm so cool on her. I've done a lot of praying over the years to get to a point where I can learn to love her for who she is, and not the person I want her to be. I've cut off a lot of people that I thought I needed to fill this void of having a sister. (there are couple more who needs to go...and I'm still workin on that). I will continue to pray...because if I don't this could get real ugly...

Miley Cyrus Pole Dancing?

2009-08-12T07:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, let me start by saying, I'm not a fan of Hannah Montanna/Miley Cyrus.

I know she is supposedly the next big thing..Whateva...

What I want to know is what does she have to do for Disney to drop her ass. She has already posed for provocative pics. She has dated a grown man who was 20 yrs old...you do know she is 16 right. And now on the kids choice award, not only was he dressed like a hooker, but she was pole dancing too...Yeah pole dancing.

Now had she been brown. she would be unemployed right now!

All I know I won't spend another dime on anything she's on.

I swear we need more brown singers/actors other than Soulja boy tell'em.