10 Years!!!

Yesterday June 5, 2009 was, me and my husband's 10 yr anniversary. We didn't do anything big, we went to breakfast, and talked (I love talking to him). He had to work, which is fine because he makes sure he never misses any of my Dr.s appointments.

Wow 10 yrs, I can honestly say that some of the years were kinda of ruff, but most of them were wonderful. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't hesitate. I love him so much. He is my rock. Even though we've been married for 10 yrs, we have been together for 16 yrs. Just about all our adult life. WOW.

OK I won't get all mushy, but I will say that I love him.

Happy Anniversary Daddy!

4 More Chemo Treatments to GO!!!!

Well on Tuesday June 2, I had my 4th Chemo treatment. And you should know by now when I have a chemo treatment, I don't post for a while. But now I'm feeling much better and I have some things to say. First I want to say Thank you to everyone who understood that I needed to cry. And Yes I did cry, I cried before Chemo, during Chemo, and I'm pretty sure after Chemo. I didn't cry like I wanted to, but I did get some out. Like I said I don't like crying in front of my husband, because I don't want him to break down. And I don't like crying by myself because, who would comfort me. (I know I'm a baby).

~Anyways~

I only have 4 more Chemo treatments to go.

WOO HOO!

Another reason I'm excited is, with these last 4 treatments, my meds will change. And apparently I won't be as nauseaed. Cause these meds now, have my stomach all messed up. I vomitted twice on Tuesday! (just nasty)!

But...... what the Dr. said was I might have more body aches, and less nausea. I don't know if I will like that better. I wonder will I still be drowsy though. I hate laying in the bed allllll day. Well I will just have to see, and I will keep you posted.

Smooches
Ms. Miko

www.thebreastcancersite.com

I need to Cry!

Do you ever feel like you need to cry? I feel like I need too. I really haven't cried since I found out I had cancer. I mean initially I did. And I think I had a break down one other time, but now I think I'm scared to break down and cry.

First I got all these people telling me how strong I am.
How I'm handling this so well.
How everything is going to be alright.
If I need them just let them know.
And a whole lot of other things.

But what if I need a shoulder to cry on. Is anybody ready or willing to loan me one.......I know I can cry with my husband, but I feel like if I break down, he will too. And I don't want him to have a break down.
I don't want to cry in front of any body else, because I don't feel comfortable enough to do so. And I hate it when people say. "I know how you feel".
Trust me unless you have had Cancer, you have no idea how in the hell I feel
Then I could just cry when I'm alone........

I don't think people realize how hard this is for me to be strong. I'm doing the best I can, I try to keep a smile on my face, and say that everything WILL be okay just give it to GOD...

But I'm tired. I'm tired of Chemo.
I'm tired of being poked.
I'm tired of giving blood.
I'm tired of being injected with all these drugs.
I'm tired of taking this medicine.
I'm tired of being sick.
I'm tired of being tired.
I just want to cry, but will I feel any better if I cry. Somebody told me crying is like washing your soul. I mean I feel that God won't put nothing on me I can't bare. And I know this storm will pass.

But I'm just tired, really really tired, and I just want to cry.