4 More Chemo Treatments to GO!!!!

Well on Tuesday June 2, I had my 4th Chemo treatment. And you should know by now when I have a chemo treatment, I don't post for a while. But now I'm feeling much better and I have some things to say. First I want to say Thank you to everyone who understood that I needed to cry. And Yes I did cry, I cried before Chemo, during Chemo, and I'm pretty sure after Chemo. I didn't cry like I wanted to, but I did get some out. Like I said I don't like crying in front of my husband, because I don't want him to break down. And I don't like crying by myself because, who would comfort me. (I know I'm a baby).

~Anyways~

I only have 4 more Chemo treatments to go.

WOO HOO!

Another reason I'm excited is, with these last 4 treatments, my meds will change. And apparently I won't be as nauseaed. Cause these meds now, have my stomach all messed up. I vomitted twice on Tuesday! (just nasty)!

But...... what the Dr. said was I might have more body aches, and less nausea. I don't know if I will like that better. I wonder will I still be drowsy though. I hate laying in the bed allllll day. Well I will just have to see, and I will keep you posted.

Smooches
Ms. Miko

www.thebreastcancersite.com

I need to Cry!

Do you ever feel like you need to cry? I feel like I need too. I really haven't cried since I found out I had cancer. I mean initially I did. And I think I had a break down one other time, but now I think I'm scared to break down and cry.

First I got all these people telling me how strong I am.
How I'm handling this so well.
How everything is going to be alright.
If I need them just let them know.
And a whole lot of other things.

But what if I need a shoulder to cry on. Is anybody ready or willing to loan me one.......I know I can cry with my husband, but I feel like if I break down, he will too. And I don't want him to have a break down.
I don't want to cry in front of any body else, because I don't feel comfortable enough to do so. And I hate it when people say. "I know how you feel".
Trust me unless you have had Cancer, you have no idea how in the hell I feel
Then I could just cry when I'm alone........

I don't think people realize how hard this is for me to be strong. I'm doing the best I can, I try to keep a smile on my face, and say that everything WILL be okay just give it to GOD...

But I'm tired. I'm tired of Chemo.
I'm tired of being poked.
I'm tired of giving blood.
I'm tired of being injected with all these drugs.
I'm tired of taking this medicine.
I'm tired of being sick.
I'm tired of being tired.
I just want to cry, but will I feel any better if I cry. Somebody told me crying is like washing your soul. I mean I feel that God won't put nothing on me I can't bare. And I know this storm will pass.

But I'm just tired, really really tired, and I just want to cry.

Well..........

Yesterday was probably the first day since my Chemo treatment (05/19/09), that I really felt like myself. Usually it only take about 4 or 5 days and I'm back to myself. But not this time it has been well over a week. I don't know what the difference was this time around. I got the rest I needed, at least I think I did. I drank plenty of fluids, and ate as best as I could. And I still can't figure out what was difference.

So it's the weekend now, and I'm glad I'm feeling better. I even took my daughter to the water park. NO! I didn't over do it. I just took my time, and got in the water, I mean it's not like I can swim anyways. lol, cur I do look good in the water. (Wink). But we had fun, I guess that's all that matter.

My next bout of Chemo is June 2 and I really don't want to go. I know I know I have to go, and I am going......... unwillingly. With my lip poked out an everything, for real I am. I really don't want to go. I just don't like the needles and all the aftermath. What if I don't feel better at all this time. I swear this is the scariest thing I ever done. But I am going to conquer this. I'm a fighter and a believer. I know this is a minor set back, GOD has better things in store for me. I mean I have husband, and 2 kids. Who will take care of them?? .................... I will tell you who, I WILL!!!

Ms Miko

www.thebreastcancersite.com

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Thanks

It's Birthday Party Time

On Saturday May 23, My daughter and My Niece had a sleepover and a big birthday party on Sunday. I really wasn't feeling up to it. But my friend/Sister was there to help. And it turned out just fine, I won't go into details but here are a couple of pics.

SLEEPOVER

The BIRTHDAY Party

Smooches!

My Internet has been down.

Well let me apologize for not posting in a while, I've been having Internet problems. I think we may need a new modem. Right now we are renting one, maybe we should just buy one. Well we will see.

~Anyways~

Last week on Tuesday May 19, I had yet another Chemo treatment, that makes number 3 and 6 more to go. and it's been over a week and I feel like I'm still recovering. Usually I'm alright by the next week like day 4 or 5. But the after effects of this treatment has really been lingering on. And this is not good, because the week that was planned was a long and exciting to come.

My daughter and my niece had a 4 day birthday celebration planned starting on Sat. May 23 until Tues. May 26. My niece birthday was on Monday May 25 and my daughters on Tuesday May 26. And my body was really not up to it. So I made the Sacrifices and dealt with it.