Am I Adopted?

I often wonder if I'm really this lady's child the one they call my mom. I mean I don't look like her, I don't act like her, sometimes I don't even like her, we have nothing in common, I don't really even like talking to her most of the time. I don't even feel a connection to her, I mean if she is really my mom shouldn't I feel a connection to her, I love her, at least I think I do...I feel like I could go on and never deal with her again, her or her other child, but that's a whole nother situation....

I mean the way she treats me or have treated me over the years, now don't get me wrong it hasn't been all bad, but it's been about 50/50 but if she is my mother should the good and the bad be even?? I would feel like a failed parent if either one of my babies said that about me...

I don't even feel like I am her child, or like I even belong to this family. My mom and her other daughter are like best friends, they kick it together, they go to church together, out to eat together and shop...now I do live in another state and trust me when I tell you it's better that way, but when I did live there, me and my mom or her daughter never did these things together. We would met at moms house and stuff like that, but extra curricular things never, even when I go home to visit, I don't even want to deal with them but I do because we are family, or that's what I'm told....

I'm just so tired of dealing with the bullshit, the drama, the jealousy, being the black sheep, getting my feelings hurt, biting my tongue, because she is my mom, being disrespected, unappreciated and so on. This lady, she is selfish and doesn't care about anybody but herself, she never says she sorry, admits that she is wrong,nor thinks that she does wrong, and I'm tired.

I mean how am I suppose to be able to build a healthy mother daughter relationship with my daughter, if I don't even know how one functions. But I have to break the cycle, cause apparently my mom didn't get along with her mom, me and my sister have a dysfunctional relationship with our mom, and my nieces relationship with their mom is non existing (yeah my mom's other daughter is their mom) so it's up to me to break the cycle, I refuse to have my daughter resent me or not like me, or feel like she can't talk to me like I'm the enemy, that would break my heart (unlike my mom).

My kids are the most precious thing in the world to me. My son and I have a great relationship, I love him and he loves me, he's 20 now and he still loves me, and he knows I'm have his back 100%, I have will stand by him no matter what and I've proven that to him many times before, I have never felt like this with my mom. My Princess is 7 and this relationship is hard for me, because of the relationship I have with my mom, but I refuse to let that shape what me and my daughter has or will have, she will know like her brother does, that mommy will always love her and have her back, I will always be there for her, I will always support her and I will never disappoint her, she will know she can talk to me about anything, even on those days when she feels like she doesn't have a friend in the world she can call on her mom...Me!

but I still wonder Am I adopted, if I were, it would answer so many questions...