I fell like nobody understands me. Or Nobody can really relate to who I am. I've made some choices to do things differently and sometimes I feel like I need to rethink these choices, even though I know they are better for me, or at least I think they are. What if I'm just giving up on things, or overreacting..(because I've heard that more than once). Why is it that I'm the one who always have to give in, or the one who people always do wrong, is it because they think or know I will forgive them. My mom did say people will forgive you before they give you permission.
Is that I'm just to sensitive, caring or compassionate about other people and that leaves me open to get hurt. Or is it I'm just the one who lets people run over them. If so then why do people say I'm mean, or too outspoken, or my favorite a bit much to deal with, or this one (which is new to me) I'm full of drama...lol
I'm so tired of not being about to trust people, because of all the times I've been hurt, or not being able to be who I really am, for the fear of people saying things like, oh she thinks she better than people, or she is too much. or having to hold back because somebody will take something I've said the wrong way and hold it against me instead of just saying something, or If I feel there is an issue I can't even address it because then I'm overreacting...
What happen to accepting people for who they are, and if you don't like who they are, then move around, and that's ok too...
I'm tired of having my feelings hurt and crying and trying to hold relationships together with out any substance. Tired of the bullshit, and the secrets. Tired of not being comfortable.
So that's why I got me a therapist. I really hope she can help me sort all of this out and get back my happy. Get to being the person I should be.
Now I'm not saying that I do no wrong, or that I'm perfect by no means, I have so many flaws I stopped counting...but I'm caring and I KNOW how to be a friend, I've proven this many times and still has been hurt...
I know people are gonna say you have a husband, and Yes I do and he is wonderful, but the only problem is not only can't he relate to my situation, he's bias...
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Girl, I feel you! I need to go back to a therapist myself! I went before when I was living in Michigan and I think it helped me.. Its good that you are open to receiving the help that you feel you need.. most people need help and are afraid to even admit it. Keep us updated on how it goes..
ReplyDeleteAs far as friends go, don't let them get to you.. I was told once that you can always tell who your real friends are by how they react when your blessings come..if they are not happy when your blessings come, then they are not in your circle.. Its hard to lose friendships or have friendships become complicated over small (or large) issues- you just have to take them as they are and somehow learn to move on. ..I've been your friend since double dutch and even though we hadnt talked in years until recently, it aint nothin you cant ask me for that I wouldnt give you- that's what REAL friends do.. Keep your head up, friend!
Are you living a life that is more in tune with your "authentic" self (who you were created to be) or your "fictional" self (who the world has told you to be)? Dr Phil
ReplyDeleteMiko, I agree with Miss Tina. Still, I know its hard sometimes to close yourself off from your friends. But there comes a time when you have to protect your heart/feelings. If I KNOW ppl mean me no good, then the hell with them. That goes for family to. Of course ppl will say that we come off as being mean, cold, uncaring, etc. SO! Call me what you want, its what I answer to that matters. I'm all about positiveness and self preservation. I'm about ME.
Miko, you and I have come too far NOT to enjoy a peaceful life. We can't waste time on ppl who are ALWAYS trying to tear us down or better yet, DRAIN OUR SOULS. There are good and bad ppl in our life for a reason we just have to learn to recognize them and place them in their rightful place.
Remember, true friends DON'T try to suck the life out of you. Friendship is about giving and receiving. If you have communicated your feelings to your friends and nothing has changed, then I feel that you aren't being valued. Friendship is about love, encouragement, and support.
One last thing, stress isn't good for anyone, ESPECIALLY US! I didn't mean to be so long winded. Be encouraged my friend.
Miko, enjoy being you.
Good advice ladies!!! The thing that help me "let it all go" is that I made a commitment to myself to learn how to be happy. Some of us don't know how. You have to be in control of your emotions. People can't hurt us if we don't let them. I have learned to see that some people don't return the same type of friendship that I offer them. Therefore, I only give what as much as I think I want them to have, without expecting any returns. AND I tell them at the time it occurs if they have done something to hurt my feelings. Letting it fester only stirs questions in myself that I can't answer. Also, I have a lot friends. But not a lot of close "all purpose" friends. Meaning I have friends that I club with only. Friends that I talk on the phone to. Friends that me & the hubs hang out with...that way I get all of my needs fulfilled without getting annoyed by someone my friends habits or personality quirks.
ReplyDeleteA wise women once told me "if you want to keep a friendship, you can not see your friend everyday"
Thank you Ladies for the kind words and the encouraging words, I'm gonna do what is best for me, and not what best for everybody else..
ReplyDeleteDo you girl...but let your spirit be your guide...it is what gives you peace & peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteHey there MIKO! Its been a minute! I agree with TT mama. there are various degrees of friendships. What I live by is everything and everyone is a season. Everything has a reason... a place in your life to teach you something. TO BUILD YOU! I found that when you see things for what they are, use your intuition/ inner spirit you can never go wrong. ALSO you have to be alright with who you are no matter the situation. The Creator made no mistakes in how and why he created you. Who/ what do you live for? That purpose drives all you do. That purpose is why you can smile in the face of issues, drama and the pressures of life. ITS ALL A TEST OF YOUR INNER AWESOMENESS THAT GOD WANTS YOU TO SEE. These obstacles, problems, varying friendships. They are there for a reason. I got so many stories for days....Therapy is good lady, but when you look in the mirror.....who is there.....Though we don't know each other well, I am your friend, If you wanna chat, need an ear for whatever, neutral and safe...just call...I know what its like to be feeling the way you do....in more extreme ways than one....
ReplyDelete2152002748- Tamiko F
ReplyDeleteThanks Tamiko F.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I really appreciate your kind words.
Change is hard for me, it it's very emotional with it deals with people I care about. but this is best for me. and I know this. So I have no choice but to move forward with this.