I Hope the Therapist can help me!

I fell like nobody understands me. Or Nobody can really relate to who I am. I've made some choices to do things differently and sometimes I feel like I need to rethink these choices, even though I know they are better for me, or at least I think they are. What if I'm just giving up on things, or overreacting..(because I've heard that more than once). Why is it that I'm the one who always have to give in, or the one who people always do wrong, is it because they think or know I will forgive them. My mom did say people will forgive you before they give you permission.
Is that I'm just to sensitive, caring or compassionate about other people and that leaves me open to get hurt. Or is it I'm just the one who lets people run over them. If so then why do people say I'm mean, or too outspoken, or my favorite a bit much to deal with, or this one (which is new to me) I'm full of drama...lol

I'm so tired of not being about to trust people, because of all the times I've been hurt, or not being able to be who I really am, for the fear of people saying things like, oh she thinks she better than people, or she is too much. or having to hold back because somebody will take something I've said the wrong way and hold it against me instead of just saying something, or If I feel there is an issue I can't even address it because then I'm overreacting...

What happen to accepting people for who they are, and if you don't like who they are, then move around, and that's ok too...

I'm tired of having my feelings hurt and crying and trying to hold relationships together with out any substance. Tired of the bullshit, and the secrets. Tired of not being comfortable.

So that's why I got me a therapist. I really hope she can help me sort all of this out and get back my happy. Get to being the person I should be.

Now I'm not saying that I do no wrong, or that I'm perfect by no means, I have so many flaws I stopped counting...but I'm caring and I KNOW how to be a friend, I've proven this many times and still has been hurt...


I know people are gonna say you have a husband, and Yes I do and he is wonderful, but the only problem is not only can't he relate to my situation, he's bias...

A Much Needed Trip..

Well I'm home from my trip to Alabama for my cousin's birthday, and boy I am so glad I was able to make it. My cousin who is like my Sister, the sister I never had. She is so wonderful, I love being in her company. We laughed and joked, we talked and vented. I was good to be around somebody who I KNOW will love me for me no matter what. Somebody who I didn't have to worry about if I said something that should would hold it against me or throw it back in my face later. She is so wonderful, beautiful inside and out. Her spirit....Her Spirit is so Genuine... We just had a ball the whole weekend. I love how we vibe...how we have so many things in common, how we can understand what's it's like to be a part of this crazy, dysfunctional family and still get along. No jealousy, no envy, no hate...just love...

While I was there I also met one of her friends in person. (We're facebook friends) and she is so Real it's ridiculous...and we hit it off instantly...and again, no jealousy, no envy, no hate.. just grown brown women getting along...Where they do that at....lol apparently in Alabama...

I love you Cousin/Sister...I wish we lived closer, but I promise we will not go that long without seeing each other ever again...

I'm so glad I had that time to just get away, see some new things, experience some new people....it was a much needed trip...