Taking Stock Of Your Friendships

I was going thru my email and I came across this article I had sent out to a few people I considered friends a few years back. I had forgot about it, but I found it at the right time. When I tell you God works in Mysterious ways...I really needed to read this...so I though why not post it to your blog somebody else my need it too..

I believe that a person’s life is largely defined by the bonds they have made with the people around them, be it siblings, parents, children, co-workers or friends, the relationships and connections you form with those around you are very important. Those relationships either make you a better person and help to sustain you, or they can bring negative energy to your life.

Sometimes you need to take a look at your relationships with your friends and ask yourself if you are still getting what you need from them. Have your friendships grown with you? A major life change may have put you on this path of reflection and prompted a re-evaluation of your friendships -- maybe you got married, had a child, or moved. Maybe the re-evaluation was prompted by changes in your friends’ behavior. Did they stop calling you or inviting you out? If you are feeling like you are being treated differently, you can’t understand why, and it bothers you, those are probably clues that it’s time to re-evaluate a friendship.
This is often difficult to do since it gets harder to make new friends as we get older, we either hang on to the ones we have (come hell or high water) or when we do let a friendship go, we usually don’t replace the friend, shrinking our inner circle. We’re more likely to do relationship inventory when it comes to our romantic life, but it is equally important, if not more so, to do it when it comes to our friendships. After all, friendships stand the test of time more often than romantic relationships do.

When our inner circles shrink, we might realize that the friendships we made in your youth were not necessarily formed out of common interests or shared goals. In our youth we might have gravitated towards the people who were around us, simply because they were there. As we grow and really discover who we are, we might realize our friendship wasn’t built on anything substantive which may make it harder to maintain. A person you once felt comfortable sharing most things with you might not necessarily trust with your feelings anymore. Someone you felt you could talk to openly about everything, may become the person you feel judges you the most.
Whatever scenario you might be experiencing the bottom line is people change and the relationships surrounding those people do to. It doesn’t mean that you will no longer be friends with your girl from the 3rd grade; it just means that you will have a different type of friendship with her. For better or worse, all things do happen for a reason. You realize things about yourself, you realize things about the world around you, but most importantly you realize that although it may be hard to make new friends keeping a network of support is something every woman should have in her arsenal. Life is too tricky to navigate without a support system!
Here are some suggestions to help you get the most out of your friendships:


1.If you start seeing tell tale signs of a friendship going in the wrong direction, don’t ignore them! Those are your re-evaluation indicators. Brushing things under the rug only leads to more complications. Address the issues early on by starting with a simple conversation (in the medium of your choosing) and going from there. The worse thing you can do is to let something that bothers you fester, it just makes it worse, it builds inside of you, and then you explode.

2. Leave a paper trail! Make a list of everyone you have considered a friend over the past few years and rank where your relationship with each person stands. Are you happy with it? Maybe you don’t talk to someone as much as you used to but you actually prefer it that way. Be honest with yourself about where folks stand with you.

3. Make a goal for each friend. Do you want to spend more time with a particular person? Is there someone you think is cool but haven’t invested the time in getting to know better? What do you hope to accomplish with each friendship?

4. Different friends have different purposes. You can have hang out friends, workout friends, book club friends, friends you travel with, and bare-your-soul to friends. We are past the stage in our lives where the same women need to fulfill all of those roles. Men are quite good at having different boys for different things so we need to take a page from their book.

5. Think about how you have changed and how that has contributed to the changes in other parts of your life. If the changes you have made with yourself make you happy and you want them to continue, the changes in your other relationships will follow suit.

6. Sometimes a friendship does need to end but people aren’t always honest enough to express that. This is usually when you see the change in behavior patterns. Saying ‘I don’t see the point in being friends anymore’ or ‘let’s take a break from this friendship’ might be very hard to verbalize (especially if you have known someone for a very long time). You get used to having certain people around, which is normal, but it is much better to let a friendship go than to treat someone you have shared so much history with in hurtful or inappropriate ways.

7. Just because a friendship has to end, doesn’t mean that it has to end badly. You can go your separate ways and know that you will always love that friend and that for a period of your life they were the constant that made things better when you were down and out.

8. Sometimes things are cyclical, there is a reason and a season for everything. Just because a specific friendship withered away doesn’t mean that it won’t bloom again. You might just really need a break. Like all things in life, if it is meant to be, it will be and if it isn’t then it was good that relationship ended.

9. Try to remember that sometimes the changes in your relationships may not even be specifically about you. Your presence might remind someone of a bad time period in their life, one they would rather forget. In order to leave those memories in the past and to move on with their future, it might be easier or better for that person to stop associating with you. If a part of someone’s happiness is predicated on letting go of the weaker times in their life and that means you too, be happy that they are a stronger, happier, more confident person and move on.

10. Don’t get stuck in your own stuff! Sometimes we get so caught up in our own feelings, it is hard for us to think through someone else’s feelings. Being able to process how your words and actions make other people feel will not only make you a better friend, but a better person.


The importance of positivity in your relationships is the number one goal in all of this. Surround yourself with people who you feel have your best interest at heart. Equally essential, surround yourself with people who know that you have their best interest at heart. You don’t want the negative energy that comes from people who think you are out to do them wrong. If you are friends with someone where your negative feelings about them outweigh the good, let it go. It’s 2009, the perfect time to decide what you want from yourself and those around you. Make your life a happy, peaceful, and prosperous place. Good luck yall

This is ME!

All I can be is Me. I am Fabulous very Fabulous
I love to be the Center of attention
I like things to go my way
(that doesn't mean they always do though, and I'm ok with that too).
I like to be seen. I am a in your face kind of person
I always have something to say, let me say that again
I ALWAYS have something to say, and I don't candy coat shit
(if you don't want to hear what I have to say, just say you don't, I CAN just listen)
I know I am Beautiful, yeah I'm a tad bit conceited, yet down to earth.
I know my mouth can be out of control.
I know my attitude can get bitchy real quick.
Now I know this can be a bit much sometimes.....ok a lot of times
And
I'm pretty sure people who know me can add to the list ~_~
(and I'm good with that too)

Now with all this said
I am a good person, I am good friend
I love who I am, so I won't be changing anytime soon



and all I ask if for people to accept me for who I am
Because at the end of the Day all I can be is ME!

I'm Emotionally Drained or Distraught...one of the two...

I thought it would be better by today, I mean it's getting there and I know it will get better but I'm still hurt...

ok let's go back a couple of days on Sunday 01/23/11 2 days after my birthday, after the events that happened on Friday and Saturday which I'm not even gonna touch on (My Birthday and the day after) I woke up on Sunday an emotional mess, I just couldn't stop crying after thinking about the things we've been thur as friends, close friends, in 2-3 short years, and it's painful very painful. now I'm not saying I do no wrong, but I'm a good fucking friend period!! and I've shown that in more ways then one, I always forgive people no matter what they do or say to me, now my prob is I don't forget....but I don't forgive them for them, I forgive them for me, cause I'm way to Fabulous to hold grudges, I'm not gonna go all in the shit that has transpired over these very few years, but I know that I need to do something different. I'm not ending the friendships I'm just revising it, because this right here is not working out for me.

There's no need to try and talk about this, because then I'm being self centered, and I don't care about other people feelings, or I'm playing the victim, or I don't see others point of view and so on.... and we've done that a couple of times before, and the situation never changes, I use to think we were moving forward but now I look back, we haven't moved anyway but over the issue, just so another issue can surface...and when I get to a point where I'm crying something has to change and the only person that can make that happen is ME!

I think we've grown apart and nobody wants to say it. and that's ok too, all friendship weren't suppose to last forever. I mean your friend ain't always your sister and your sister ain't always you friend. and that's ok too...at least with me it is...

So like I said I'm not ending the friendships, I'm just revising it. I'm gonna take some time out to just do Me. I'm gonna start doing a lot of things by myself, Open up my inner circle, do somethings I haven't done before...you know just something new and different...because that has to be better then what is going on currently....

January 21, 2011....

Anybody who knows me, know that I LOVE BIRTHDAYS, especially mine. So with that said, my 38th birthday was 01/21/11, and I have been talking it up all month, because January is MY Birthday Month! and it's like this every single year, and has been for years!!!!!!

For those who don't know let me kinda give you an idea on how big this is for me, When the New Year comes in, that's when I start, I tell any and everybody who will listen it's My Birthday Month, my family, my co workers, people on the street, people at the mall (cause I'm usually at the mall shopping cause it's my Birthday Month). I change my phone ringer to some kind of birthday song, if somebody does something I don't like or agree with, my response is "Do they know it's my birthday month...lol and so forth so you kinda get the pic, my birthday is a big deal round these parts...

Now this Birthday was special to me because, in the last 2 yrs I have been thru so much, with Cancer, Chemo, Radiation, 2 major major surgeries and another lighter surgery, AND I got shot in Sept 2010. So it's a blessing to be here to even celebrate this birthday, I could have died from Cancer, bled to death in any one of my surgeries, caught an infection, or been shot dead....

For my birthday I usually kick it every weekend in January, but this year I decided not to, and there are others I know who also share this birthday month, so I did their thing with them on their day...but that's not unusual for me cause I love birthdays no matter who they belong too...I'll come kick with you for your birthday...

ok so My Birthday was on a Friday 1/21/11, I didn't work, We took my daughter and niece to breakfast before school, I had a massage, the hubs and I went to lunch, and friend of mine met us there. I did a little shopping, I collected some gifts, people were texting me, So many people post Happy Birthday on Facebook wall I couldn't even keep up...The day was just Fabulous just like me, I'm smiling it's my Birthday why wouldn't I smile, I was going out that night I had a new fit, man just Wonderful...Shit it's my Birthday...

Well it was going good for the most part, the first venue we went to it was a concert of local artist doing a cancer benefit, Of course I’m going it’s My Birthday and I’m a Cancer Survivor. But one my closet friends/sister told me she wasn't going to be able to make it, so I was bummed out by that but I kept it rolling…My husband was going, and 2 of my other friends, and one of these friends is the best friend/sister, so I’m good, right??? I’m ready to kick it…the hubs, the BF and myself arrive about 7:45, my other friend gets there about 8. The vibe of the place is good me and the friend (not the BF) we dancing, drinking taking pics, my husband is in too the vibe, everybody BUT the BF. She is sitting in a Chair texting or whatever all night I might add. So I don’t say nothing I’m still doing my thing,..they have a presentation for the Survivors that’s at the event (not me) but I’m cool with that…but my friend wasn’t,(again not the best friend - Does she know it's my Birthday???) she told the host of the event that is was my birthday and I was a Cancer survivor so he announced that, and called me up on stage to dance, do you know the BF did not move out of the chair, now I’m getting my dougie on for about 5-7 mins, she took no pics or nothing, how you not take a pic of the Birthday girl....now is it me or should that have been all over Facebook???

But the friend took pics and video all night, and even the couple pics the BF is in, she is in this damn chair, and I had to go over to her…Did she know it was my birthday??? Maybe she didn’t, hmph…but anyways that’s kinda how that part of the night played out, oh and let me say that we were there until 10:00 pm, and she was in the chair the whole time..….. I did enjoy myself though, I just wished the person who is Supposed to be the BF would have acted like she wanted to be there…I guess she came just say she was there…whateva Dude…

So the second venue we went to was this restaurant/bar. My Close Friend/Sister who didn’t or couldn’t make the first venue showed up there. And my daughter’s God Mother came, but I knew she was gonna be late…and one my husband’s co workers came. We talking good shit eating an drinking, at least most of us…I kinda got an attitude from what happened at the last venue but I don’t act like it cause it’s my Birthday and I want to kick it…so I lose the attitude and enjoy the festivities…I’m looking at my gifts and just having a good ole time…and then again, I get disappointed, I knew my daughter’s god mother would leave early she always leave early when we go out, she was giving my friend a ride home so she left early also around 1….Now I was expecting my 2 sisters to stay til close, which is 2 am. But they left at 1 too, Oh WOW ain’t that some shit???…Did they know it was my birthday??? Any other time they would have stayed. Because we’ve done it many, many times before...but it's cool oh trust me when I say it's cool... OHHHHH did I need to mention the friend I just met her on Halloween 2010 and she caught a cab in -20 weather to come kick it with me for My Birthday. riiiiggghhht!

Now I know things come up, family, money issues, you know life etc, but the person I am I would have made sure I had the means to be available to them on their birthdays especially the people I call my sisters...