2011 is coming to an END!!

Soon it will be 12/31/11 and the next day will be a new year 01/01/12. What does that mean? To some it means nothing to others they will be making resolutions, promises to do be, to be better, however they see fit. But how many people actually do the things they say are going to do…prob less then 3% .

The reason is that you can’t change over night, and just because the date on the calendar changes don’t mean you will. First of all change is a process and it comes from within, not because the year changes, so why wait, you can start your process at any time, it may not be a new year, but everyday you wake up it’s a new day why not start then?

Well for me I’m anti resolution, because I know I won’t keep them, I need time to prepare my self for the process of change, for me Change is hard but I keep pushing forward to do better and to be better, and trust me when I tell you it’s a work in progress and it’s been progressing for a while…lol

I’m going to end with this, The only thing that can really make us change is a Revelation, and the sad part most of us can’t or won’t recognize our Revelation and it will pass us by and will we be stuck trying to doing the same ole, same ole…

Thank you Jesus I recognized my Revelation 

CHRISTMAS is 6 days away!!!

It is December 19, 2011 and it doesn’t feel like Christmas is 6 days away, I don’t know what it is, Maybe cause there is no snow outside, so it doesn’t look like Christmas, Maybe it’s because I’m just not in the Christmas spirit even though I want to be. Or it could be all this talk about people not know what the meaning of Christmas is. I’m not sure what it is. But it just doesn’t feel like Christmas.

Ok let me touch on each point, (some more than others)

I live in the Midwest, I’ve lived in the Midwest all my life and usually when it’s Christmas there is Snow outside and the snow gives it a Christmasy feeling. But we don’t have any and even with people having their Christmas lights outside, and we have a tree up, it just doesn’t seem like Christmas…now don’t get me wrong I’m not complaining about not having snow…I really wish there were Palm Trees out front …

I don’t know where my Christmas spirit is…I think I’ve lost it through out the years, this is not the first year I’ve been without it. I get kinda of down this time of year, because I wish we had more family to Celebrate the Holidays with. We haven’t done that in over a decade. It would be nice to see my Mom on Christmas or even my Sister. My nieces and nephews and last but certainly not least my Son…but I’m going to focus on redeeming my Christmas Spirit so on Christmas Morning I can wake up feeling all Jolly like..

And Lastly…I’m so sick and tired of people talking about their kids and kids in general don’t know what Christmas is about, or don’t know the meaning of Christmas…and oh it’s better to Give than to Receive ….Well if your kids don’t know what Christmas is about or what it means teach them, that’s if you know your self. That’s an easy fix to this “Problem” just teach them…it’s really not that hard..you don’t have to make them volunteer (not saying it’s not good to Volunteer) or not get them gifts, to teach them what Christmas means, cause that’s really not teaching them anything about Christmas. And yeah it is better to give than to receive, but in order for you to be a giver, there has to be a receiver….

The last thing I’m going to say on this matter is…Christmas represents Jesus Birthday…on Birthdays we give gifts…I know it’s not our birthday…but Jesus gave us the Ultimate Gift …LIFE, so what’s wrong with giving on this Day…

Me..

I know sometimes he gets tired of me, even though he assures me that he doesn't ....but I know dealing with me everyday can be a lot. I know I am a bit over the top, or maybe even a lot over the top. Most people can only deal with me in small doses. So why wouldn't he get tired to.

And on top of being over the top in general, I am very opinionated, out spoken and very emotional and I will cry sometimes just because. I get lonely because I feel have no friends, I also get depressed sometimes because I feel like nobody understands me. And on top of all that I'm a whole lot of Fabulous..

So why wouldn't he get tired, of me sometimes...

I know he loves me, I know he wants to be with...I'm just not so convinced that he doesn't get tired of me...sometimes ...

No Santa Claus....

So I told the Princess that there wasn’t a Santa Claus… Well let me back up and tell you how it came about…

This actually happened a couple of weeks ago..but I’m telling the story now..lol

So the Princess was going over her 3 page Christmas List…trying to down size it. And she stated that she wanted another American Girl Doll… I’m thinking does she know this damn doll is 100 plus dollars (and that’s just for the damn doll, her glasses and to get her ears pierced, no extra clothes or nothing) ..So she is going on about how she would like one, and what she would name her. I said Um MaMa (that’s what I call her) You’re not getting another American Girl Doll, you already have one, and they cost to much... She come back with but I only have 1. I say.. some people don’t have any…and of course she said Santa Claus can get me one he can get anything… I said Baby we need to to talk ….

So I said MaMa, you need to sit down, I have to tell you something…so we sit down and I proceed to tell her about Santa, how he used to be real and really long time ago. And He did deliver toys back then, and all these years his legacy is still around, but unfortunately there is NO Santa…and Momma and Daddy buys all your gifts for Christmas…

So now I’m ready for the tears, and the dramatics, (cause she dramatical) and she’s quiet for a minute or 2. then she looks at me and says “So people has been lying to me all this time…….

Black Women and Reality TV

So I watch Reality TV like most of us, and I'm all on Facebook posting about it, Tweeting about it on Twitter, because for one it's funny to watch and even funnier to talk about it with others.

But I've noticed a lot of websites, blogs and people have said that the Black women on these shows, (Housewives of Atlanta, Basketball Wives, Love and Hip Hop etc) portray us as Black women in a bad light...WELL UM NOT REALLY, yeah I said it not really...the Reality of it is most Black women act/behave that way and sometimes even worst...I know I'm going to get women saying I don't do that, or My and my girl don't do that...well FYI if you don't then that's good, I feel like I don't either. But you know somebody and or is related to somebody who does....Let me say that again we ALL know somebody and or are related to somebody, that is a Hood Rat, Ghetto, Trifling, or my favorite a Ride or Die Chick. And if you say no I don't know those kind of people. That person just might be YOU.

As Black people the majority of us are aggressive by nature, and being an aggressive women whose thought process is emotional can lead to disaster. Example, finding out your Boo is fucking around on you, with your homegirl and she pregnant... Example find out that your Boo has a wife he never told you about....Example Finding out your Boo is on the DL.... Example Finding out your Boo has given you a STD..Get the picture...and yes in any of these situations (not just limited to these) we can go into Ghetto crazy girl mode with the quickness...

Now I know there are some of us who, think before we react, but not the majority..

WHY??

First of all Why, as parents are they even allowing their kids to listen to Lil Wayne? His music is for Adults not kids. We wonder why our youth especially our girls are growing up so fast. A lot of it has to do with Parenting Skills.

Stop trying to be friends with your kids, Why on earth would you allow your baby girl, your princess write a letter to Lil Wayne, it is not cute at all, AT ALL...Now what happens he if answers back? hmmmm and not the way they you want him too, then these parents will be having a fit trying to sue him for disrespecting thier babies, I mean his mouth is out of control, but so are these parents for allowing this madness, putting these babies in a grown up position..

Please moniter what your child watch, what you say around them...

Come on Black People, we have GOT to do better... SMH

Don't take things so personal, Everything is NOT about you!!

Ok so if you know anything about me I love Facebook. (sometimes it's my only Friend and that's ok) There are many reasons that my inner circle fits like a belt, at this point I'm really ready to keep it this way, but my husband thinks I should expand it..well we'll see about that...

Now you also know that I love my name Tamiko and my namesakes, and I have many namesakes Facebook Friends and we have a group just for us, and I love this group... (I love my Lovely O's)

So I wake up this morning to an inbox from one of my namesakes...and it surprised me I was so lost.. it said verbatim

Tamiko Smith
GETTIN OFF UR PAGE SO U CAN BE OFF MINE, N BY THA WAY, URE NOWHERR BEIN FAB, U R UGLY N BALD N UR DAUGHTER...NO WAY IN HELL SHE LOOKS MIXED, LOL DON'T KID URSELF
6:06AM

and she blocked me so I couldn't reply...lol (just to much for the AM)

then I got a couple more inboxes about the stuff she has wrote on her wall, mind you after she deleted...(ain't it funny how people delete you then talk shit...to funny) anyways

Apparently here is how we got to this point...I'm confused about it, but maybe it's me...here goes

Ms. Smith posted this story on her status

about Lauryn Hill

and she said something like. Somebody needs to stop, or she needs to quit, something along that road...

I read the story and said

Tamiko Storey-Edwards
Maybe she wants a big family and at least she can afford to take care of them..
19 hours ago · Like


now hours after I wrote that, she deleted/blocked me and came back with this..
Verbatim (this was inboxed to me...Thanks FB Buddy)

Tamiko Smith
WHO CARES, REALLY NOT ME, SHE CAN SHIT OUT AS MANY AS SHE WANTS, I REALLY COULD CARELESS, BOUT HER N ANYONE ELSE......WHY THA SLICK SHIT, I DONT GET IT, HAVE SUM RESPECT FOR MY POSTS LIKE I DO URS...SEEM LIKE U ALWAYS HAVE SUMTHIN TO MESSED UP TO SAY ON MY POSTS, REALLY WATS THA PROB? U DONT KNO ME LIKE THAT, IM NOT DISRESPECTFUL BUT I CAN BE, U MUST REALLY BE UNHAPPY...
3 hours ago · Like

Tamiko Smith
U MUST BE VERY VERY UNHAPPY, CAUSE I COME ON UR PAGE WIT RESPECT, N THIS AINT THA 1ST TIME U DUN SAID SUM SHIT TO PISS ME OFF, U DONT KNO ME LIKE THAT...GIVE ME THA SAME RESPECT THAT I GIV U, I AINT NO FAN OF URS, OKAY, DONT LOOK UP TO U N DONT KNO U, AND IM NOT GON SIT BAK N LET U SAY WAT U WANT TO SAY ON MY POST, IF U DONT LIKE THEM, KEEP IT MOVIN, OR DELETE URSELF. PLEASE.....
3 hours ago · Like

Tamiko Smith
ALL THA SHIT GOD BROUGHT U THRU, SMH, I WOULD BE THA NICEST PERSON ON EARTH, REAL MUFUKIN TAL, DELETE URSELF, TAKE ME OFF OF TAMIKOS PAGE I REALLY COULD CARELESS, BUT U GON CHILL WIT UR SLICK ASS MOUF ON MY PAGE....#CHEW ON THAT, GOT MY FRENZ ASKIN WHO THA HELL R U, HELL I DONT EVEN KNO, CHEER UP, GOD KEPT U FOR A REASON, LET THIS BE THA REASON U LEAVE MY PAGE....MS FABULOUS
3 hours ago · Like

(BLANK STARE)

and after reading this I'm still confused, Did I says something wrong, Did she think I was talking about her...Um No I was talking about Ms. Lauryn Hill...

People please stop taking shit so damn personal, or how about if you're not for sure JUST ASK...sheesh

and this is just one of the many reasons my inner circle fits like a belt...and I'm good with that...

7 yrs and 9 yrs old.....Rape Suspects???? So Sad!!

ok click here to read the story...

When I read this story it, I was speechless and had tears in my eyes. Yet I had so many questions...

First of all it's unbelievable, a 7 yr old and a 9 yr old rapes a 2 yr old...OMG the thought of it is just sad and scary. My daughter is 7...man, I mean just unbelievable.

These are just babies and this IS learned behavior, but from who The Parents, maybe maybe not, it could be a older sibling, a care taker, a relative a family friend, but it is definitely learned behavior. Because at 7 and 9 you barely know your own body and what to do with it it, how would you even know or think to insert something in someone. Unless you seen it or had it done to you.

Did I mention I have a 7 yr old...man just crazy...

I do think taking them away from the home was a good choice, at least until they figure out who has bee abusing these babies. I also pray that they don't put these babies in jail, because they are also victims they need help, and a lot of it at such a young age. Boy oh boy the Devil is busy.

My heart and my prayers got out to all the families involved and the community, because this is going to get worst before it gets better, because when they start to dig into these family and find the sick bastard that has been abusing these babies...I hope they give they ass life in prison and somebody takes advantage of their ass...

People please pay attention to your kids and the people you allow to interact with you kids. because you never know a person is an abuser until they've abused someone....

WWW - World Wide Web...

It's amazing the things that you come across while surfing the web, Sometimes I wonder do people realize that the web is world wide, not just local, not just in America. If they really knew this, would they be more conscious of what they put on here? hmmmmm or would they not give a damn, or how about what you put on the web NEVER goes away. Now I have to admit I've written some emails that I wouldn't want anybody else to read expect the person it was for, and I do know they can be recovered, but I can't say that there is picture of me, that I put on the web that I don't want people to do see, or that my come back to haunt me.

People need to realize and I'm talking grown people, or people who consider themselves grown, because Kids do dumb stuff, we all did the difference is when we (my generation and older) were young, we had regular pics, no email, we used pencils and paper, we had no cell phones web cams etc. and we still did dumb stuff, but today the dumb stuff these kids are doing is being documented FOREVER, and one day maybe just maybe when they become adults, it may come back to haunt them, ...and The grown people need to act like they know damn better before their kids come across some of this shit on the Internet, cause it's really not that hard to come by....

Check out you Kids Daycare Provider

Ok so my husband always post news links on his Facebook page, and this one I feel like I really need to speak on.. the title of the article was "Sex Toys, Pornography, and Drugs Found in Pennsylvania Day Care"

Ok first watch the video, and you can find the story here BVBlackSpin




What the hell is really goings on here.I don't even know what to say, I mean around th kids??? Who?? What?? Why?? and nobody knew this lady was a drug dealer? I mean none of the parents knew? (Somebody knew but didn't care) Did they even check out this place out before they put their kids there? Did they check to see if she was even licensed with the state? I have so many Questions and not enough answers, and then in the story a where the mother was talking about I don't know where I'm gonna take my kids, shouldn't you be thanking God that your kids are ok. You will find another day care, it may take a minute, at least it should... because now you should make sure that the environment is safe. I'm just so confused none of the parents did an unexpected drop in. Did they visit the toy room, (more than just baby toys were in there) I just don't understand...
But I do know that the people running the daycare will have room waiting for they ass in the jail house....

Just ask...

Now a days there is so much speculation about just Bullshit. And I'm so tired of all this shit. I don't hate anybody, I'm not mad at anybody, I'm not jealous of anybody and I'm not beefing with anybody. It's just that simple and if I say something or post something on MY facebook page, if you think it's about you Call me my number is on Facebook, or inbox me and I will tell you. and the funny thing is most of my stats are random. Or when I read somebody else's status I kinda piggy back off what in said in the responses.....When I post positive things it's ok. But as soon as I say something out of pocket I got be a hater. smh... but it is My Page, so I should be able to say what I want. Right?? there should be clause that says. Say what you want, as long as you are not offending people, or hating on people, or insulting people or point the finger on people, or placing the blame on people... you get the point

I don't even have time to be a hater or worry about what nobody else is doing. So please if you are reading this blog, please stop the inboxes, the text telling me this and that. I really don't care. Stop calling me with bullshit cause I really don't care.I don't do drama at all. I don't have the energy for this shit. I'm too busy working on a better Me, and more Fabulous Me, My Happy awaits me. it really does.

And when I get to My Happy, OMG it's gonna be so amazing to go along with all the other amazing things I have, like my daughter she is so amazing there are no words to describe her. My husband he's so amazing he a blessing to me. My son, even though he is a knuckle head, he is still amazing...

Right now I'm just in a transition stage, and I will be here for a while, because I have a lot of cleansing to do, with my mind, body and soul, but while I'm in this process, I don't hate anybody, I'm not mad at anybody and I'm not jealous of anybody, and I'm not beefing with anybody. Because if I was then I would never find my Happy.

So now I'm just gonna take a Facebook Break, from the drama, from people, from people.

and let me put this out here also, just because I'm choosing to work on me and revise my inner circle, doesn't mean I'm mad or upset, or beefing with anybody, nor does it mean that now I'm hating on people or don't want to see them happy or get ahead. I wish the best for everybody. I'm not a jealous hearted person by no means, never had and never will be.

All this means, is this situation no longer works for me, and I need to change somethings, and since the only person I can change is me, then that's who needs to be alone and be worked on. That's all I'm doing.

I Hope the Therapist can help me!

I fell like nobody understands me. Or Nobody can really relate to who I am. I've made some choices to do things differently and sometimes I feel like I need to rethink these choices, even though I know they are better for me, or at least I think they are. What if I'm just giving up on things, or overreacting..(because I've heard that more than once). Why is it that I'm the one who always have to give in, or the one who people always do wrong, is it because they think or know I will forgive them. My mom did say people will forgive you before they give you permission.
Is that I'm just to sensitive, caring or compassionate about other people and that leaves me open to get hurt. Or is it I'm just the one who lets people run over them. If so then why do people say I'm mean, or too outspoken, or my favorite a bit much to deal with, or this one (which is new to me) I'm full of drama...lol

I'm so tired of not being about to trust people, because of all the times I've been hurt, or not being able to be who I really am, for the fear of people saying things like, oh she thinks she better than people, or she is too much. or having to hold back because somebody will take something I've said the wrong way and hold it against me instead of just saying something, or If I feel there is an issue I can't even address it because then I'm overreacting...

What happen to accepting people for who they are, and if you don't like who they are, then move around, and that's ok too...

I'm tired of having my feelings hurt and crying and trying to hold relationships together with out any substance. Tired of the bullshit, and the secrets. Tired of not being comfortable.

So that's why I got me a therapist. I really hope she can help me sort all of this out and get back my happy. Get to being the person I should be.

Now I'm not saying that I do no wrong, or that I'm perfect by no means, I have so many flaws I stopped counting...but I'm caring and I KNOW how to be a friend, I've proven this many times and still has been hurt...


I know people are gonna say you have a husband, and Yes I do and he is wonderful, but the only problem is not only can't he relate to my situation, he's bias...

A Much Needed Trip..

Well I'm home from my trip to Alabama for my cousin's birthday, and boy I am so glad I was able to make it. My cousin who is like my Sister, the sister I never had. She is so wonderful, I love being in her company. We laughed and joked, we talked and vented. I was good to be around somebody who I KNOW will love me for me no matter what. Somebody who I didn't have to worry about if I said something that should would hold it against me or throw it back in my face later. She is so wonderful, beautiful inside and out. Her spirit....Her Spirit is so Genuine... We just had a ball the whole weekend. I love how we vibe...how we have so many things in common, how we can understand what's it's like to be a part of this crazy, dysfunctional family and still get along. No jealousy, no envy, no hate...just love...

While I was there I also met one of her friends in person. (We're facebook friends) and she is so Real it's ridiculous...and we hit it off instantly...and again, no jealousy, no envy, no hate.. just grown brown women getting along...Where they do that at....lol apparently in Alabama...

I love you Cousin/Sister...I wish we lived closer, but I promise we will not go that long without seeing each other ever again...

I'm so glad I had that time to just get away, see some new things, experience some new people....it was a much needed trip...

Naturally Beautiful???

So lately on Facebook, (yes I'm always on Facebook) anyways, I had seen a lot of post from women, Brown women...basically saying that they don't need make up to be beautiful. And and women who wear make up is only pretty with make up on. I mean you should have seen the comments, I'm already cute I don't need make up, I wonder what her pillow looks like, if you already cute why do you need it, her man has prob never seen her with out it, etc...just foolishness...

Now my problem with this most of the women who made these comments wear a weave..hmmmm natural huh? NOT!! Cause people who don't wear weaves or who wear their hair natural could say, she wearing that weave to look cute, or she must be bald, or has her man ever seen her real hair, does she know what her real hair looks like, etc.



Now let me break it down like this, Make up enhances your natural beauty if you wear it right, just because you choose not to wear make up it doesn't make you prettier then the women who choose to. Same goes for women who chooses not to wear a weave/perm that doesn't make you prettier than women who choose to wear one, it enhances their beauty to if is done right...

I just don't get Brown women, why would you put down the next sister because she does something different than you...or because she see her beauty differently than you see yours. Basically you hating on her because of how she sees herself.....but why...but why??

So I'm gonna end this about talking about me, I use to wear a weave and a perm and now I'm all natural, I've been bald and I've had long hair, I'm beautiful any way...and I wear make up almost everyday, I love make up, I look fabulous with it and without it...

how you choose to express your beauty is your choice...

but until you can go out the house with no make up and no weave or chemical in your hair, no lashes, no fake nails, etc.... you may be beautiful but you are not natural!!...I'm just saying

Oh! and take a pic and post it on Facebook...

Show that you Care About your Child(ren) Education

There is a misconception in the School System that Black People don’t care about their kids education, because as a whole we don’t come to school functions, we don’t participate in the PTA/PTO, or we don’t come out to Parent Teacher Conferences, but what needs to be realized is that most of us are single parents and a lot of us have multiple kids, and we have to work to provide for these kids, and sometimes our work schedule doesn’t permit us to be at the school when needed or sometimes we are just flat our tired.

Here are somethings that can help with this misconception.

1. Make sure your Child(ren)s teacher has your email addy.
2. Know your Child(ren)s teachers by name.
3. When you do have a day off, visit the school.
4. Set up Random meetings when the Teachers when you have time.
5. Take the time off of work to go to School Activities.
6. Show up at the Parent Teacher conference if you can't make sure you touch base with the teacher to let them know you can't make it.
7. Volunteer at School functions..

and of course make sure you kid is completing their homework, school work, has a good nights sleep, and breakfast in the morning...

I Got Me a Therapist.

Well I have been going back and forth on if I should or should not go and talk with a Therapist, and I did, tonight was my first session of many..lol. but for real of many..I think I'm gonna like Ms. Rosella (that's her name) she's down to earth, brown and her spirit is beautiful...

Yeah this will be good for me, why you ask, well I have a lot of unresolved issues with my mom, and my sister, and whew these people I call friends, and whole bunch of other things and people and since the common denominator is me, then I need to work on Me. I know, I know I hide it so well...lol

Also for my daughter, I want to be the best mom I can be to her, and how can I build a wonderful relationship with my daughter when I have issues with my own mom...or how can I teach her how to pick friends when I'm not doing a good job of it myself...

Well we will see how this unfolds...I think it will be good for me...

and I know I will be just fine...I'm way to Fabulous not to be... ~_~

Random Thoughts!

Ain't it funny the people you help are the ones that don't give a damn about you..

Nobody else can live with my family unless you are fucking my husband or he can claim you on his taxes..

Why do grown people get mad and delete you from their facebook page??

How come when you tell a person how you feel, they get in their feelings?

He only put up with you because of me...You do know that right...

I have met some really cool people on Facebook..

It feels good to me be...

My husband is my favorite person...

I love my kids...

I miss my son...

My daughter is just like me..I love it and hate it...

Do you really think I give a fuck that you deleted me? I wouldn't noticed if somebody else wouldn't told me..

So ready for a vacation...

I do not like my new phone...

Get a fucking life...

My husband is the best...

Taking a much needed trip...

love to laugh at haters...

I don't understand jealous people...

I'm way to Fabulous to hold grudges...

I am a forgiver...

Is so ready to move on with or without you...

I love me....

Feeling GOOD about my Choices..

I'm feeling so much better and it can only get better from here. I have realized that you can't always count on people, to care or understand when things are important to you, even if you do that for them. This last week or so I have been doing a lot of soul searching, thinking and just letting a lot of stuff go, and revising my inner circle. I feel like I can be a better me with the choices I have made, I didn't make these choices to upset anybody or to hurt anybody, I made these choices for me and me alone. and I feel good about these choices.

Now over this week or so, I've heard a lot of things and noticed a lot of things, I've gotten somethings off my chest, I've cried and regrouped, reached out and listened, oh have I listened,and still I feel good about my choices.

I know somethings I will miss, not sure if I will be missed, but that's ok too...

I'm not finish finializing my choices, but I will be soon and I'm so excited about the things that lie ahead for me...

Loving me always...and you should too...

Taking Stock Of Your Friendships

I was going thru my email and I came across this article I had sent out to a few people I considered friends a few years back. I had forgot about it, but I found it at the right time. When I tell you God works in Mysterious ways...I really needed to read this...so I though why not post it to your blog somebody else my need it too..

I believe that a person’s life is largely defined by the bonds they have made with the people around them, be it siblings, parents, children, co-workers or friends, the relationships and connections you form with those around you are very important. Those relationships either make you a better person and help to sustain you, or they can bring negative energy to your life.

Sometimes you need to take a look at your relationships with your friends and ask yourself if you are still getting what you need from them. Have your friendships grown with you? A major life change may have put you on this path of reflection and prompted a re-evaluation of your friendships -- maybe you got married, had a child, or moved. Maybe the re-evaluation was prompted by changes in your friends’ behavior. Did they stop calling you or inviting you out? If you are feeling like you are being treated differently, you can’t understand why, and it bothers you, those are probably clues that it’s time to re-evaluate a friendship.
This is often difficult to do since it gets harder to make new friends as we get older, we either hang on to the ones we have (come hell or high water) or when we do let a friendship go, we usually don’t replace the friend, shrinking our inner circle. We’re more likely to do relationship inventory when it comes to our romantic life, but it is equally important, if not more so, to do it when it comes to our friendships. After all, friendships stand the test of time more often than romantic relationships do.

When our inner circles shrink, we might realize that the friendships we made in your youth were not necessarily formed out of common interests or shared goals. In our youth we might have gravitated towards the people who were around us, simply because they were there. As we grow and really discover who we are, we might realize our friendship wasn’t built on anything substantive which may make it harder to maintain. A person you once felt comfortable sharing most things with you might not necessarily trust with your feelings anymore. Someone you felt you could talk to openly about everything, may become the person you feel judges you the most.
Whatever scenario you might be experiencing the bottom line is people change and the relationships surrounding those people do to. It doesn’t mean that you will no longer be friends with your girl from the 3rd grade; it just means that you will have a different type of friendship with her. For better or worse, all things do happen for a reason. You realize things about yourself, you realize things about the world around you, but most importantly you realize that although it may be hard to make new friends keeping a network of support is something every woman should have in her arsenal. Life is too tricky to navigate without a support system!
Here are some suggestions to help you get the most out of your friendships:


1.If you start seeing tell tale signs of a friendship going in the wrong direction, don’t ignore them! Those are your re-evaluation indicators. Brushing things under the rug only leads to more complications. Address the issues early on by starting with a simple conversation (in the medium of your choosing) and going from there. The worse thing you can do is to let something that bothers you fester, it just makes it worse, it builds inside of you, and then you explode.

2. Leave a paper trail! Make a list of everyone you have considered a friend over the past few years and rank where your relationship with each person stands. Are you happy with it? Maybe you don’t talk to someone as much as you used to but you actually prefer it that way. Be honest with yourself about where folks stand with you.

3. Make a goal for each friend. Do you want to spend more time with a particular person? Is there someone you think is cool but haven’t invested the time in getting to know better? What do you hope to accomplish with each friendship?

4. Different friends have different purposes. You can have hang out friends, workout friends, book club friends, friends you travel with, and bare-your-soul to friends. We are past the stage in our lives where the same women need to fulfill all of those roles. Men are quite good at having different boys for different things so we need to take a page from their book.

5. Think about how you have changed and how that has contributed to the changes in other parts of your life. If the changes you have made with yourself make you happy and you want them to continue, the changes in your other relationships will follow suit.

6. Sometimes a friendship does need to end but people aren’t always honest enough to express that. This is usually when you see the change in behavior patterns. Saying ‘I don’t see the point in being friends anymore’ or ‘let’s take a break from this friendship’ might be very hard to verbalize (especially if you have known someone for a very long time). You get used to having certain people around, which is normal, but it is much better to let a friendship go than to treat someone you have shared so much history with in hurtful or inappropriate ways.

7. Just because a friendship has to end, doesn’t mean that it has to end badly. You can go your separate ways and know that you will always love that friend and that for a period of your life they were the constant that made things better when you were down and out.

8. Sometimes things are cyclical, there is a reason and a season for everything. Just because a specific friendship withered away doesn’t mean that it won’t bloom again. You might just really need a break. Like all things in life, if it is meant to be, it will be and if it isn’t then it was good that relationship ended.

9. Try to remember that sometimes the changes in your relationships may not even be specifically about you. Your presence might remind someone of a bad time period in their life, one they would rather forget. In order to leave those memories in the past and to move on with their future, it might be easier or better for that person to stop associating with you. If a part of someone’s happiness is predicated on letting go of the weaker times in their life and that means you too, be happy that they are a stronger, happier, more confident person and move on.

10. Don’t get stuck in your own stuff! Sometimes we get so caught up in our own feelings, it is hard for us to think through someone else’s feelings. Being able to process how your words and actions make other people feel will not only make you a better friend, but a better person.


The importance of positivity in your relationships is the number one goal in all of this. Surround yourself with people who you feel have your best interest at heart. Equally essential, surround yourself with people who know that you have their best interest at heart. You don’t want the negative energy that comes from people who think you are out to do them wrong. If you are friends with someone where your negative feelings about them outweigh the good, let it go. It’s 2009, the perfect time to decide what you want from yourself and those around you. Make your life a happy, peaceful, and prosperous place. Good luck yall

This is ME!

All I can be is Me. I am Fabulous very Fabulous
I love to be the Center of attention
I like things to go my way
(that doesn't mean they always do though, and I'm ok with that too).
I like to be seen. I am a in your face kind of person
I always have something to say, let me say that again
I ALWAYS have something to say, and I don't candy coat shit
(if you don't want to hear what I have to say, just say you don't, I CAN just listen)
I know I am Beautiful, yeah I'm a tad bit conceited, yet down to earth.
I know my mouth can be out of control.
I know my attitude can get bitchy real quick.
Now I know this can be a bit much sometimes.....ok a lot of times
And
I'm pretty sure people who know me can add to the list ~_~
(and I'm good with that too)

Now with all this said
I am a good person, I am good friend
I love who I am, so I won't be changing anytime soon



and all I ask if for people to accept me for who I am
Because at the end of the Day all I can be is ME!

I'm Emotionally Drained or Distraught...one of the two...

I thought it would be better by today, I mean it's getting there and I know it will get better but I'm still hurt...

ok let's go back a couple of days on Sunday 01/23/11 2 days after my birthday, after the events that happened on Friday and Saturday which I'm not even gonna touch on (My Birthday and the day after) I woke up on Sunday an emotional mess, I just couldn't stop crying after thinking about the things we've been thur as friends, close friends, in 2-3 short years, and it's painful very painful. now I'm not saying I do no wrong, but I'm a good fucking friend period!! and I've shown that in more ways then one, I always forgive people no matter what they do or say to me, now my prob is I don't forget....but I don't forgive them for them, I forgive them for me, cause I'm way to Fabulous to hold grudges, I'm not gonna go all in the shit that has transpired over these very few years, but I know that I need to do something different. I'm not ending the friendships I'm just revising it, because this right here is not working out for me.

There's no need to try and talk about this, because then I'm being self centered, and I don't care about other people feelings, or I'm playing the victim, or I don't see others point of view and so on.... and we've done that a couple of times before, and the situation never changes, I use to think we were moving forward but now I look back, we haven't moved anyway but over the issue, just so another issue can surface...and when I get to a point where I'm crying something has to change and the only person that can make that happen is ME!

I think we've grown apart and nobody wants to say it. and that's ok too, all friendship weren't suppose to last forever. I mean your friend ain't always your sister and your sister ain't always you friend. and that's ok too...at least with me it is...

So like I said I'm not ending the friendships, I'm just revising it. I'm gonna take some time out to just do Me. I'm gonna start doing a lot of things by myself, Open up my inner circle, do somethings I haven't done before...you know just something new and different...because that has to be better then what is going on currently....

January 21, 2011....

Anybody who knows me, know that I LOVE BIRTHDAYS, especially mine. So with that said, my 38th birthday was 01/21/11, and I have been talking it up all month, because January is MY Birthday Month! and it's like this every single year, and has been for years!!!!!!

For those who don't know let me kinda give you an idea on how big this is for me, When the New Year comes in, that's when I start, I tell any and everybody who will listen it's My Birthday Month, my family, my co workers, people on the street, people at the mall (cause I'm usually at the mall shopping cause it's my Birthday Month). I change my phone ringer to some kind of birthday song, if somebody does something I don't like or agree with, my response is "Do they know it's my birthday month...lol and so forth so you kinda get the pic, my birthday is a big deal round these parts...

Now this Birthday was special to me because, in the last 2 yrs I have been thru so much, with Cancer, Chemo, Radiation, 2 major major surgeries and another lighter surgery, AND I got shot in Sept 2010. So it's a blessing to be here to even celebrate this birthday, I could have died from Cancer, bled to death in any one of my surgeries, caught an infection, or been shot dead....

For my birthday I usually kick it every weekend in January, but this year I decided not to, and there are others I know who also share this birthday month, so I did their thing with them on their day...but that's not unusual for me cause I love birthdays no matter who they belong too...I'll come kick with you for your birthday...

ok so My Birthday was on a Friday 1/21/11, I didn't work, We took my daughter and niece to breakfast before school, I had a massage, the hubs and I went to lunch, and friend of mine met us there. I did a little shopping, I collected some gifts, people were texting me, So many people post Happy Birthday on Facebook wall I couldn't even keep up...The day was just Fabulous just like me, I'm smiling it's my Birthday why wouldn't I smile, I was going out that night I had a new fit, man just Wonderful...Shit it's my Birthday...

Well it was going good for the most part, the first venue we went to it was a concert of local artist doing a cancer benefit, Of course I’m going it’s My Birthday and I’m a Cancer Survivor. But one my closet friends/sister told me she wasn't going to be able to make it, so I was bummed out by that but I kept it rolling…My husband was going, and 2 of my other friends, and one of these friends is the best friend/sister, so I’m good, right??? I’m ready to kick it…the hubs, the BF and myself arrive about 7:45, my other friend gets there about 8. The vibe of the place is good me and the friend (not the BF) we dancing, drinking taking pics, my husband is in too the vibe, everybody BUT the BF. She is sitting in a Chair texting or whatever all night I might add. So I don’t say nothing I’m still doing my thing,..they have a presentation for the Survivors that’s at the event (not me) but I’m cool with that…but my friend wasn’t,(again not the best friend - Does she know it's my Birthday???) she told the host of the event that is was my birthday and I was a Cancer survivor so he announced that, and called me up on stage to dance, do you know the BF did not move out of the chair, now I’m getting my dougie on for about 5-7 mins, she took no pics or nothing, how you not take a pic of the Birthday girl....now is it me or should that have been all over Facebook???

But the friend took pics and video all night, and even the couple pics the BF is in, she is in this damn chair, and I had to go over to her…Did she know it was my birthday??? Maybe she didn’t, hmph…but anyways that’s kinda how that part of the night played out, oh and let me say that we were there until 10:00 pm, and she was in the chair the whole time..….. I did enjoy myself though, I just wished the person who is Supposed to be the BF would have acted like she wanted to be there…I guess she came just say she was there…whateva Dude…

So the second venue we went to was this restaurant/bar. My Close Friend/Sister who didn’t or couldn’t make the first venue showed up there. And my daughter’s God Mother came, but I knew she was gonna be late…and one my husband’s co workers came. We talking good shit eating an drinking, at least most of us…I kinda got an attitude from what happened at the last venue but I don’t act like it cause it’s my Birthday and I want to kick it…so I lose the attitude and enjoy the festivities…I’m looking at my gifts and just having a good ole time…and then again, I get disappointed, I knew my daughter’s god mother would leave early she always leave early when we go out, she was giving my friend a ride home so she left early also around 1….Now I was expecting my 2 sisters to stay til close, which is 2 am. But they left at 1 too, Oh WOW ain’t that some shit???…Did they know it was my birthday??? Any other time they would have stayed. Because we’ve done it many, many times before...but it's cool oh trust me when I say it's cool... OHHHHH did I need to mention the friend I just met her on Halloween 2010 and she caught a cab in -20 weather to come kick it with me for My Birthday. riiiiggghhht!

Now I know things come up, family, money issues, you know life etc, but the person I am I would have made sure I had the means to be available to them on their birthdays especially the people I call my sisters...

90 Girls Pregnant...Please educate your kids...

This story brung tears to my eyes and I'm confused on how it got this far before the people in this school, this community decided to do something. I mean when it was 20 girls, nobody thought it was a a prob, what about 50 girls, but now at 90 they want to take action. How about the fact that it is a High School with horny teenagers they should have already had some kind of action in place.

I mean are they or should I say we not educating our kids. Are we not giving them the tools they need to prevent this, like the shot, birth control, condoms, and educate them on how to use these items. How about educate them period. Book wise and Sexually. Because if there's this many girls pregnant, what kind of STD's are going around this community. I see that Questions hasn't even been raised. and why I'm on questions has anyone even questioned these babies to see why so many are pregnant, to see why they want to be pregnant, cause at 90 girls pregnant these are not all accidents. Not only doe they need to be question and educated, they need someone to listen to them, because this is a cry for help, a loud cry. And most of the time is a cry for love, they feel like they are not being loved, so they go looking for love, and think having a baby is the answer because the baby will love them.

I pray for this school and this community, that they find a solution to this epidemic. I know that teen pregnancy will never go away. But this right here is not common at all....

Yesterday on Facebook, (yes I'm always on Facebook) I came across a post on a friends page and on his post he said, he wants to apologize to all the women in his past he lied to, smashed and passed along and some other stuff, basically for being a dog. All because he found out his wife was pregnant with a baby girl. So I asked him if he were having a boy would he have apologized and said no, he would teach him the way of the master, or something like that...

So now I'm thinking when men dog out women in their younger years, do they think that when they have a girl, she will or might be getting dogged out to. Or by apologizing, will they some how shield her from the hurt and the lies of men? Interesting.

So when women are hoes or hoeing, and they have a girl, do they think their daughter will do the same thing or is it just a man thing.

And when these such men have boys, do they want them to be a dog, and to lie and hurt young girls? hmmmm apparently they do, cause this is not the first time I heard something like this. Why is it Men will teach game to their son's but not their daughters. It seem like to me you would want your daughter to be up on game so she don't get game ran on her...

I mean did you ever think that's what's wrong with most women these days, growing up nobody ever taught them the game and they end up falling for the oke doke over and over again, because they have this false sense of what the world really is. You do know your daughter can be a princess, sweet and portray to be innocent and still be up on game.

Maybe if we taught our daughters that men will lie, cheat, and make you feel like you're the only one when you're not. And tell them that girls you consider your friend may hurt you, lie on you, fuck your man, stab you in the back and still smile in your face. And sometimes this girl may be you......

If we equip our daughters with the rules of the games, and how it feels when a boy you like touches you, and how it feels when someone pressures you for sex, and tell him that if he loved you he would want to wear a rubber, or don't get mad when he calls you a bitch just smile and say it's cool I'm still beautiful, or it's ok just to be friends with him, you don't have to be his girlfriend, and teach her how to fight just in case she runs into an abusive man...oh the list goes on and on..but if we did these things, maybe just maybe the percentage of stupid women will go from 80 to 25....

and even knowing all this she can still be a Princess, just not a dumb Princess...

Light Skinned vs Dark Skinned Party....WTF!!

So I frequently read www.essence.com and I came across this story. Light skinned vs dark skinned party causes Twitter upset. So instantly I was reading this story in awe, apparently some party promoters in Ohio thought this would be a good idea and it's suppose to be on my Birthday (1/21/11). And the whole time I'm thinking Oh Wow is this shit for real. So what did I do I posted it on my facebook to see if I was the only one who thought this was bullshit, but apparently I wasn't, I was so bothered by it I posted it again the next day just in case someone didn't see it. The responses I got were kinda what I expected but let me go into why I think it's bullshit...

Well me I'm considered light skinned, but I wish I was darker like Naomi Campbell dark, (but that's me) and it's not like I don't think I'm beautiful as I am, because I know I am, or it's not like I think light skinned girls are unattractive it's just my preference...

so now with that out the way...this light skinned vs dark skinned shit is just degrading to the Black race, we have enough self hate going on that we don't need anybody to exploit it. Especially black women, when you are light skinned, you hear stuff like, you are not black enough, Are you mixed with something, damn you light, high yella, red bone or my all time favorite light, bright damned near white...and I'm not even that light, or am I??

And I know that people talk about dark skinned women, my only sister is darker than I am, and not by a little bit, my youngest niece is nice and chocolate, and that's ok too...just the other day at work, I said to a girl you are very pretty, she is a dark skinned girl, and her comment to me was, most people tell me I'm cute to be a dark skinned girl. I said no baby you're cute no matter what color you are. I know that people call dark women African like dark women are not born in America. Or ashy black, or oh she good and black, or some other disrespecting thing, I don't know them all because I've never been dark...

Even the media hypes up being light skinned like it's so much better to be light than dark. hmph I'm here to tell you it's not. I don't understand how we all brown and we don't like each other because of our skin tone, how you can you be racist against your own race. Every since I was in grade school, I've had girls not want to be friend with me because of how I looked. I was the light skinned girl with long hair who thought she was cute...(First off I'm not that light, but I am cute)or people assumed I'm stuck up, now I'm a tad be conceited but never stuck up, I'm so down to earth...or my favorite one, he only likes her cause she light skinned...again bullshit....

ok I'm getting emotional so I'm gonna end it with this...

If any brown person male or female supports this whole light skinned vs dark skinned party, they need to be slapped for real, for real...and they might as well call it
House Nigga's vs Field Nigga's I'm just saying

We're only 2 yrs apart...really..

So the other day we were in the kitchen, I was cooking, my husband was at the counter on his computer and our daughter was at the table on her computer. Then out of no where she asks "Mommy how old were you when you met Daddy?" I said I was 20, then my husband says I was 18, my daughter had this shocking look on her face and say daaaang momma, Daddy was 18. I said you do know I'm older than Daddy, She said yeah but not thaaat old.lol...I was like um it's only 2 yrs...but she wasn't trying to hear it, she made me feel like I was Vivica Fox or something....lol

Am I Adopted?

I often wonder if I'm really this lady's child the one they call my mom. I mean I don't look like her, I don't act like her, sometimes I don't even like her, we have nothing in common, I don't really even like talking to her most of the time. I don't even feel a connection to her, I mean if she is really my mom shouldn't I feel a connection to her, I love her, at least I think I do...I feel like I could go on and never deal with her again, her or her other child, but that's a whole nother situation....

I mean the way she treats me or have treated me over the years, now don't get me wrong it hasn't been all bad, but it's been about 50/50 but if she is my mother should the good and the bad be even?? I would feel like a failed parent if either one of my babies said that about me...

I don't even feel like I am her child, or like I even belong to this family. My mom and her other daughter are like best friends, they kick it together, they go to church together, out to eat together and shop...now I do live in another state and trust me when I tell you it's better that way, but when I did live there, me and my mom or her daughter never did these things together. We would met at moms house and stuff like that, but extra curricular things never, even when I go home to visit, I don't even want to deal with them but I do because we are family, or that's what I'm told....

I'm just so tired of dealing with the bullshit, the drama, the jealousy, being the black sheep, getting my feelings hurt, biting my tongue, because she is my mom, being disrespected, unappreciated and so on. This lady, she is selfish and doesn't care about anybody but herself, she never says she sorry, admits that she is wrong,nor thinks that she does wrong, and I'm tired.

I mean how am I suppose to be able to build a healthy mother daughter relationship with my daughter, if I don't even know how one functions. But I have to break the cycle, cause apparently my mom didn't get along with her mom, me and my sister have a dysfunctional relationship with our mom, and my nieces relationship with their mom is non existing (yeah my mom's other daughter is their mom) so it's up to me to break the cycle, I refuse to have my daughter resent me or not like me, or feel like she can't talk to me like I'm the enemy, that would break my heart (unlike my mom).

My kids are the most precious thing in the world to me. My son and I have a great relationship, I love him and he loves me, he's 20 now and he still loves me, and he knows I'm have his back 100%, I have will stand by him no matter what and I've proven that to him many times before, I have never felt like this with my mom. My Princess is 7 and this relationship is hard for me, because of the relationship I have with my mom, but I refuse to let that shape what me and my daughter has or will have, she will know like her brother does, that mommy will always love her and have her back, I will always be there for her, I will always support her and I will never disappoint her, she will know she can talk to me about anything, even on those days when she feels like she doesn't have a friend in the world she can call on her mom...Me!

but I still wonder Am I adopted, if I were, it would answer so many questions...

It's Officially My Birthday Month.....1.21.11

Well if you know me, have known me in the past, or have just met me, You already know It's my Birthday Month. I love my birthday, my mom said I have been excited about my birthday every since I realized I had one...lol. sooooo why stop now???

Well since I'm not stopping I might as well talk about it more...I am so excited, why you ask, Because I am going to see Ms. Lauryn Hill 1.18.11, and I'm gonna be like a strait groupie, singing all the songs, jumping up and down and dancing, and I will be up front, but there will be NO crying..my make up may run and I'm way to Fabulous for that..lol but I'm excited...

Also I gonna order me some boots from www.amiclubwear.com if you like shoes/boots you should check it out, and they have cute clothes too.

Also I'm gonna have a small get together at the house, just a couple of friends, you know play some Spades, Dominoes and Apple to Apples, I love Apples to Apples, (if you've never played you need to get on it), of course their will be food, but Bring Your Own Drink... and bring me some Moscato please and thank you...

Did I mention it's My Birthday Month...1.21.11

Happy New Year....

It's a new year, so what does that mean hmmmmmm??? Well for one people will start with these bullshit resolutions. Resolutions that won't even make it to February lol..but who am I to shoot down their Resolutions. Well the New Year for me, I'm gonna take it one day and a time, I've been on a emotional roller coaster for about 2 yrs now, with Cancer (chemo, radiation, and 3 surgeries), My son going to Jail, being shot, and just everyday life of being a mom and a wife, so this year, I'm just gonna take it day by day and hope for the best. One thing I am gonna put an effort to is posting to my blog more, and even try video blogging, especially since I got my new computer from the hubs for Christmas and it has a web cam, so we will see how it goes. But before I end this post, I am gonna go thru some random thoughts for the New Year...

Here goes...

Do people really think I'm a punk?

Sometimes I feel like I don't have friend in the world?

Am I the Black Sheep?

I really miss my son?

My daughter is really amazing?

It's hard for me to trust....and forget?

Am I really a good friend? yeah I am!

I have learned only to give advice to people who ask for it!

I give damn good advice.

People don't respect my honesty?

I am a really good friend!

I can be raw and uncut.

So why is it so hard to find new friends? or just to meet new people?

I really like Facebook.

Will I get more followers on this blog?

My husband is wonderful.

It's my Birthday Month.

A new pair of shoes would be nice..

I'm gonna be the same person in 2011 that I was in 2010, so take it or leave it...



Have a Happy and Prospersous New Year love Ms. Miko...Smooches!