The Next Step

I have a Dr.s appointment on Tues 8/26/09 to get a check up and hopefully get these drain tubes removed. (I'm so looking forward to that).

What I know so far is, that the Dr. is going to let me heal for about an month or so. Then after that I have to go to radiation. Apparently I have to have 30 treatments of radiation. I will be going Monday - Friday about 20 to 30 minutes a day for 6 weeks. As far as I know it won't make me sick, but from what I heard, it will burn my skin kinda like a sunburn. So really not looking forward to that. But I plan on handling it like a champ.

Since I have to have radiation that will delay my reconstruction surgery. (I'm kinda bummed out about that). My Dr says that I need to wait 6 - 12 months before I can get reconstruction. Because if I get it before radiation, the radiation could damage them, and we don't want that. So I will need to fully heal before they can go back and cut on me to do the reconstruction. So I will be without real breast for a while. But I'mma be okay!

My plan is to get reconstruction surgery in April 2010. I choose April because, it will a be a year from the time I was diagnosed.

On a good note, I've found out about these prosthetic breast called breast forms. I plan on getting some of them. apparently they have all sizes, shapes and colors. And they are life like. You can work out in them, swim in them and do anything you want. (a lot of drag queens use them...lol) They just stick on your chest, you put a specially made bra, and be on your way.

How much do they cost you ask. Roughly about 300.00 so I will be taking up a donation. But I will give it back when my insurance reimburse me..lol...

How am I feeling?

I have been asked this question more times that I can count.

And the answer is...I'm doing just fine. Way better than I thought I would.

I thought I would be ashamed by not having any breast. I thought I would not want my husband to look at me. I also thought I would be depressed by my situation. And come to find out, I'm still fabulous as ever. I'm not ashamed, if you asked to see I would show you. I just came to the realization that this does not define me. I'm still beautiful, I'm still a woman, and it's going to have to take a lot more then not having breast for me not to be fabulous!

Ms Miko..
Smooches!

08/19/09 I came home

And just 2 days after surgery. and I was excited. (I don't like staying in the hospital). But now I'm home, and I'm feeling better and better by the day. The only thing is, I can't seem to keep anything down, except for some grapes. And that's not going to cut it. I know I want to loose weight, but starving my self was not in the plan. So today I am going to try and eat some pizza. I know it will prob come back up, but I hope it's good going down.

Now..

as for these drains, they are getting on my nerves. It's so uncomfortable to sleep with them. It's enough I have to sleep on my back like I'm in a coma or something. And then with these drains UGH!!! I so hope when I got to the Dr on Tues. they remove them. Not only are they uncomfortable to sleep in, they make my shirts look funny..lol..even though I'm only wearing pajama's but that doesn't change the fact that I still need to look fabulous..lol...

At the Hospital

So now surgery is over and I'm in my hospital room. The room is cool, I wish it was private. But my roommate was cool. Hell you couldn't even tell she was even there....

Ok, so when you have a mastectomy (single or double) they put these tubes in your body to drain the fluids in your body. Me I have have 3 drains, 1 for each breast and on one for lymphnode I had to have removed. Now these drains are plastic tubes and and the end of the tube it like the end of a turkey baster. And the fluids that it holds from my body..let's just say they don't look pleasant. And they have to be emptied 3 times a day. So the nurse shows us how to empty them because I have to wear these things home. (if you would like to see a pics of them click here).

And on top of that, I'm vomiting a lot. At first the nurse can't figure out why. Then after a couple of hours of vomiting, I guess a light or something went off in her head. Because she realized the pain medicine they had me on, the side effect was nausea. So she changed me to Morphine. And I can tell you I was feeling good, no more upset stomach. Just feeling good.

Then after a couple of hours of morphine through the IV. And I was doing good, by not throwing up. They changed me to percocet (an oral pain medicine). This also made me feel good, and I wasn't nauseated at all. (Which is good, I hate throwing up).

And even though, I was feeling good, and the nurses were nice. all I wanted to do was go home. I mean who ever really wants to stay in the hospital. My doctor/surgeon did come in and say I may go home on Thurs. but I was thinking Wed.

Surgery

Well Surgery was on Monday 17th. And I'm proud of myself, I didn't even cry. I gave it to GOD....

So we at the hospital, they call me in the back. And This is what I remember. My mom and my homegirl was in the waiting room. My husband and I were in the room waiting on the surgeon, and the other doctors. We were back there about 2 hours or so. With doctors running in and out..

Then the Anesthesiologist comes in.

He says "we're gonna take good care of you".

I said "I hope so".

My husband kissed me on the forehead, and they started to roll me out......Yeah that's all I remember. I think they put something in my IV to put me to sleep...but the next thing I remember is being in the recovery room...

So I guess that's good that I don't remember anything. I'm so glad it's over...

Surgery Tomorrow.

Well tomorrow is the big day. And to tell the truth I'm not ready. I'm not scared either. Apparently this is a pretty routine procedure. I don't know if you know but I'm having a bilateral mastectomy. And my surgeon is Dr. Todd Morris (he's the head surgeon at the hospital)..I don't know how I got the head surgeon, but I'm sure happy I did.

I can tell you what I'm scared of, I'm scared of what will happen after surgery. I know people are here to help me. but I hate when I can't take care of myself. I don't like for people to feel sorry for me. (I'M NOT DYING)...I don't know what my reaction is going to be. I mean I won't have breast. WOW I won't have breast. That's really going to be a reality check to this whole breast cancer ordeal. I mean the chemo kinda knocked me down for a while. but I got through that like a champ. But I don't know how I'm going to deal with this. Do you know I've had my breast every since I was 14. And now in about 24 hours or so, I will have none......How will I feel when I look at myself? Will I be ashamed to have my husband look at me? What will happen to my self esteem? Will I still think, I mean know I'm Fabulous? Will I be afraid to go out in public? What will happen to ME! These questions have been going over and over in my head. and I can't seem to find the answers to them. I've been asking God these questions, but the answered have not come to me at all. I've been staying positive about the situation. I'm know I will make it through this...I just hope I don't loose ME in the process...

My Mom's Here...

Yeah my mom's in town. She has come to Minnesota from Michigan to help out me and my family, when I have surgery. My mom is a really caring person, but in the past we didn't' see eye to eye. It wasn't to after I moved out, then I could see all the things she was trying to teach me. And when I moved out of Mich 12 yrs ago. And me and my husband (then boyfriend) was raising our son all on our own. I really understood a lot more then. I also realized she was kinda controlling (I think I may be too). and I noticed a lot of other things about her personality that I hadn't before. Probably because I was to busy growing up. Anyways I'm grateful she is here. Even though I may complain because she is staying almost a month. But I'm pretty sure she will be a big help.

OK so now...

She got her on Friday 14th. we didn't do much when she got in, just went to eat and caught up on somethings...(you know family talk)..Then yesterday we Shopping at the Albertville Outlet Mall...in the damn rain...ok how come the outlet mall is not all connected like the regular mall they do realize there is about 100 store out there...then the rain wouldn't mattered...(ok done venting)...But we had fun, I forgot to take pictures and I had my camera...(I think the rain clouded my memory)...but the trip was very prosperous. My mom got a lot of stuff at some really good prices. Me, I got every thing I went for, which was things for my daughter (like she need something else). Oh yeah and I got these boots...OMG...yeah they pretty hot...

So today we are going to ROCK the River...basically it's a concert on the river...Kirk Franklin and some more people will be there...(I guess you can tell I'm only interested in seeing Kirk..lol)..Hopefully it will be fun....