Well tomorrow is the big day. And to tell the truth I'm not ready. I'm not scared either. Apparently this is a pretty routine procedure. I don't know if you know but I'm having a bilateral mastectomy. And my surgeon is Dr. Todd Morris (he's the head surgeon at the hospital)..I don't know how I got the head surgeon, but I'm sure happy I did.
I can tell you what I'm scared of, I'm scared of what will happen after surgery. I know people are here to help me. but I hate when I can't take care of myself. I don't like for people to feel sorry for me. (I'M NOT DYING)...I don't know what my reaction is going to be. I mean I won't have breast. WOW I won't have breast. That's really going to be a reality check to this whole breast cancer ordeal. I mean the chemo kinda knocked me down for a while. but I got through that like a champ. But I don't know how I'm going to deal with this. Do you know I've had my breast every since I was 14. And now in about 24 hours or so, I will have none......How will I feel when I look at myself? Will I be ashamed to have my husband look at me? What will happen to my self esteem? Will I still think, I mean know I'm Fabulous? Will I be afraid to go out in public? What will happen to ME! These questions have been going over and over in my head. and I can't seem to find the answers to them. I've been asking God these questions, but the answered have not come to me at all. I've been staying positive about the situation. I'm know I will make it through this...I just hope I don't loose ME in the process...
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Wow! I will be praying for you Miko. Im glad you have loving and supportive people around you, so let them take care of you. You will still be you, they are apart of you but they did not define you or make you who you are which is fabulous (just my opinion). I can not even imagine what you are going through, or have went through. My mom was your age when she was diagnosed. So you have given me a glimpse of some of the things she may have dealt with. So I just want to say thanks for sharing your story!
ReplyDeleteI really had no idea, that you were having surgery. I just wanted to drop a quick note to let you know you're in my heart, thoughts and prayers. I've known you since the 3rd or 4th grade. You were beautiful back then and you're gonna be beautiful tomorrow, day after tomorrow and so on. Love ya girl.
ReplyDeleteWhy aren't you having reconstruction surgery like implants or something immediately after the mastectomy. I thought it was mandatory that the insurance companies paid for the reconstruction so that beautiful women were not left with flat chest and surgical scars. I know you are fabulous and beautiful and strong, but you should be inquiring as to some sort of reconstruction...just a tip!! love you and can't wait to see you...
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