The weekend Help!

I woke up today with a sore throat, from being out in the cold rain yesterday. My immune system is kind of shotty due to my chemo treatments. Even though this shouldn't be an issue since it's JUNE. So why is it 47 and raining, and I had on boots in damn JUNE!!! ( just had to get that out)

So today is the day to go back the clinic to give another blood sample for the blood culture. And I did not want to go. I'm so tired of these people poking me and taking my blood.

When my husband woke up he was so nice, telling me that I need to go. And I snapped out on him, telling him how I was tired and just didn't want to go. I swear he is such a patient man. He didn't even flinch he just listened, and hugged and kissed me. I felt so bad about being mean, I had to apologize.

We get up and get dressed to go to the funky clinic. At the clinic we are the only ones in the waiting area, and it still took them almost 30 minutes to call me. (WTF took them so long, nobody else is here). (I don' t like the weekend help).. Finally she calls me back, and before I even went back. I told my husband that she didn't look like she knew what she was doing. But my optimistic husband always trys to look on the bright side, he says maybe she is not the weekend help, maybe she is doing overtime. (awww he so sweet).

But

She was tapping on my arm with her cold hands which seem like forever looking for my vein. ugh! Then when she finally found it. She put so much alchol on arm, I smelled like a drug store. She poked me with the needle and proceeds to extract my blood. And she took a lot, so I thought. She had the blood culture bottles, (2 of them) and about 4 or 5 other tubes for blood. She took the needle out, and proceeded to fill the culture bottles one by one, then a tube. Then the helfa said, "I need to take more blood, this is not enough". Yep instant attitude. So she then draws blood from my other arm, which she couldn't find the vein in that one either. I'm going to say it again, I don't like the weekend help!!!

So yesterday I was at a wedding....

.....that started an hour late, and when it did start. All I can say is WOW, I've been to a lot of weddings but nothing like this.

Anyways

While I'm sitting in the Church my phone rings, (yes it was on vibrate). And yes I answered it, I mean the wedding hadn't started. And the Ghetto guest were doing everything else.lol. I answered it and it was my clinic on a Saturday, talking about the blood culture they took on Tuesday, while I was at chemo, came back positive for bacteria. (WTF are you serious) And they wanted me to go to the Urgent care/after hours clinic to give yet another blood sample. Now mind you I am in north Minneapolis and I don't know the area not even a little bit. I tell the nurse that, but she starts to tell me about clinics in the area I can go to. I tell her I'm not familiar with the area, but she makes it seem like I need to get it done right now, she's asking me how do I feel. I'm thinking I just told you I'm at a wedding so wouldn't you think I feel fine. She asked if I had a fever (cause I had one the morning of chemo) I'm like NO! So now I'm in a panic, the church doors are closed the wedding is about to finally start. I made a decision to wait until the wedding was over and then I would try to find the clinic before the reception.

Now after the praise and worship session, the 3 soloist, the praise dancers, the 16 bridesmaids, the 14 groomsmen, the 6 flower girls, and the 2 bell ringers, along with the nuptials, 45 minutes later the wedding is over.

I leave the church, get in my car and my phone rings again, now it's my actual Doctor. She asks how I'm doing. I tell her the same thing I told the nurse, I was at a wedding. She then tells me the same thing the nurse said, but she is more calm and tells me I can either get it done then or wait until the next day. (why in the hell did the nurse act like it was so damn urgent). So after talking to her I head to the reception, and all I can say is WOW again. Let me just say the bride is from Louisiana, and it was Mardi Gras all over the place, I'm talking beads, and mask and everything.

10 Years!!!

Yesterday June 5, 2009 was, me and my husband's 10 yr anniversary. We didn't do anything big, we went to breakfast, and talked (I love talking to him). He had to work, which is fine because he makes sure he never misses any of my Dr.s appointments.

Wow 10 yrs, I can honestly say that some of the years were kinda of ruff, but most of them were wonderful. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't hesitate. I love him so much. He is my rock. Even though we've been married for 10 yrs, we have been together for 16 yrs. Just about all our adult life. WOW.

OK I won't get all mushy, but I will say that I love him.

Happy Anniversary Daddy!

4 More Chemo Treatments to GO!!!!

Well on Tuesday June 2, I had my 4th Chemo treatment. And you should know by now when I have a chemo treatment, I don't post for a while. But now I'm feeling much better and I have some things to say. First I want to say Thank you to everyone who understood that I needed to cry. And Yes I did cry, I cried before Chemo, during Chemo, and I'm pretty sure after Chemo. I didn't cry like I wanted to, but I did get some out. Like I said I don't like crying in front of my husband, because I don't want him to break down. And I don't like crying by myself because, who would comfort me. (I know I'm a baby).

~Anyways~

I only have 4 more Chemo treatments to go.

WOO HOO!

Another reason I'm excited is, with these last 4 treatments, my meds will change. And apparently I won't be as nauseaed. Cause these meds now, have my stomach all messed up. I vomitted twice on Tuesday! (just nasty)!

But...... what the Dr. said was I might have more body aches, and less nausea. I don't know if I will like that better. I wonder will I still be drowsy though. I hate laying in the bed allllll day. Well I will just have to see, and I will keep you posted.

Smooches
Ms. Miko

www.thebreastcancersite.com

I need to Cry!

Do you ever feel like you need to cry? I feel like I need too. I really haven't cried since I found out I had cancer. I mean initially I did. And I think I had a break down one other time, but now I think I'm scared to break down and cry.

First I got all these people telling me how strong I am.
How I'm handling this so well.
How everything is going to be alright.
If I need them just let them know.
And a whole lot of other things.

But what if I need a shoulder to cry on. Is anybody ready or willing to loan me one.......I know I can cry with my husband, but I feel like if I break down, he will too. And I don't want him to have a break down.
I don't want to cry in front of any body else, because I don't feel comfortable enough to do so. And I hate it when people say. "I know how you feel".
Trust me unless you have had Cancer, you have no idea how in the hell I feel
Then I could just cry when I'm alone........

I don't think people realize how hard this is for me to be strong. I'm doing the best I can, I try to keep a smile on my face, and say that everything WILL be okay just give it to GOD...

But I'm tired. I'm tired of Chemo.
I'm tired of being poked.
I'm tired of giving blood.
I'm tired of being injected with all these drugs.
I'm tired of taking this medicine.
I'm tired of being sick.
I'm tired of being tired.
I just want to cry, but will I feel any better if I cry. Somebody told me crying is like washing your soul. I mean I feel that God won't put nothing on me I can't bare. And I know this storm will pass.

But I'm just tired, really really tired, and I just want to cry.